


The Scientist or: How Edge Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bono

by spacemonkey



Category: U2
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, F/M, Fingerfucking, First Kiss, First Time, Frottage, Hand Jobs, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Porn Watching, Sex Toys, Zoo TV Tour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-15
Updated: 2015-11-25
Packaged: 2018-04-09 11:32:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 88,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4347002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacemonkey/pseuds/spacemonkey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have a man fuck you?” Bono asked and Edge choked on his noodles.<br/>Set during early ZooTv tour.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Single Thought

**Author's Note:**

> I was laying in bed the other night, trying to sleep and my brain suggested a story where Bono asks Edge if he had ever thought about being fucked, and I knew I was in trouble. It was meant to be crack and a single shot, I've turned it into something a bit more serious and a few chapters. It's still a bit cracky though. It's how I roll.

It was a little after two and Edge was still trying to wake up. They had a show that night, they’d had a late night the night before and he’d drank more than his fair share, and the plate in front of him wasn’t looking all that appealing. He knew he had to eat something though, so he pushed aside the meat and vegetables and focussed on the noodles.

Bono had left the television on in the other room, and Edge could hear the chatter between actors as clear as day, but he didn’t care enough to focus on what they were saying. Bono was in a white bathrobe next to him, his bare feet up on the table and a mug of hot coffee between his hands. He was wearing his sunglasses and Edge wondered, and not for the first time, why he was even in Edge’s hotel room. Bono was quiet though, his face blank like he was either deep in thought or hungover – likely both -  and Edge couldn’t complain about that, so he stayed silent himself and took another mouthful of noodles.

“Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have a man fuck you?”

Edge choked on his noodles. He coughed until tears sprung to his eyes and Bono smacked him on the back. “No?” he wheezed out eventually.

“Hmm,” Bono said, and took another sip of his coffee. “Adam said he saw some squirrels this morning, on his way back to the hotel.”

Edge stared at him, waiting for an explanation, but Bono just kept on about squirrels, and eventually Edge just gave up. He decided to take a shower, and was about to say as such when Bono got up and announced he was going to shower. So Edge waited and wondered why Bono couldn't use his own shower, and whether he was going to leave any dry towels.

He hadn’t forgotten about the conversation the next day, when they were flying in to Boston and he was fitfully trying to take a nap. Bono was fidgeting to his left, and soon Edge gave up completely. “What is it, Bono?”

Bono sighed, almost dramatically, and Edge mentally prepared himself. “You remember yesterday, how I asked you if you had ever wondered-”

“Yes Bono. Yes, I remember. I’ve been on the edge of my seat since, waiting for a resolution.”

Bono gave him a steely glare. “You’ll be waiting a bit longer then.”

“Fine.”

They sat in silence for a few seconds, before Bono turned properly towards him. “When we were at the bar in Providence, I went to use the facilities and a man was watching me.”

“People are always watching you, Bono. Even in the men’s.”

“He came up behind me while I was washing my hands and whispered in my ear, Edge, that he would like very much to fuck me.”

Edge tried to look surprised, but he’d heard stories like this from Bono many times. Generally the other person was a woman though, and generally it didn’t go down in the men’s bathroom. “And what did you do?”

Bono sighed again, then looked around the cabin to make sure no one was listening, before leaning in close. “I considered it,” he hissed.

That was a bit more surprising, Edge had to admit. “You did?”

“Only for a second, but still. He was really, he was quite beautiful to look at, Edge. And I fucking giggled like a school girl, and he smiled at me and then another gentleman came in and I left without another word. He was sitting at the bar and I could see him staring at us. I half expected him to follow me back to the hotel.” Bono leaned back in his seat and rubbed at his face. “A very small part of me wanted him to.”

Edge couldn’t stop staring at Bono, even now when his hands were covering his face. He hadn’t expected to hear any of that come from Bono, especially not in an airplane surrounded by people. They were talking softly though, and the engine was loud enough to drown them out. “Wow,” Edge said mildly, because he wasn’t exactly sure what else to say. Bono was not like anyone he'd ever known, but still. He’d never seen Bono pay attention to other men. He didn’t think, anyway. “Do you think you’re just missing Ali?”

Bono dropped his hands and looked at him, sullen. “It’s not about that, Edge.”

“Okay.”

“It’s just, can you imagine what it would be like, to have another person inside of you in such a way? Holding you while you're having that connection? I cannot think of anything more intimate, Edge. And it’s not just because of Ali that I didn’t go with him. I didn’t know him at all.”

“Right.”

“If I was going to do that with someone, I would have to know him,” Bono murmured. “And he would have to know me. Like you do.”

Edge swallowed and shifted in his seat. He did know Bono - almost too well – but he couldn’t be sure if Bono was suggesting what he thought he was suggesting. “Bono.”

Bono shook his head. “Don’t overthink it, Edge, I’m just thinking out loud.”

“Alright,” Edge said slowly. They sat in somewhat awkward silence until Bono pulled out a book and turned away from him. Edge closed his eyes and tried again to sleep, but he couldn’t stop thinking about what Bono had just said. He wasn’t sure if he had reacted correctly. He wasn’t sure if there _was_ a way to react correctly when your best friend was sitting next to you telling you he’d considered having sex with another man. Not to mention the other thing. Bono knew him well enough to know that Edge couldn’t help but overthink everything.

His brain had a mind of its own. It wasn’t something he could help, and soon enough he was remembering that night at the bar, before he’d had too many. Bono had come back from the bathroom and Edge had barely noticed until he’d slung an arm over Edge’s shoulder. Had the other man been watching then? Had he been jealous? Had Bono been trying to make him jealous?

Edge forced his eyes open before he could continue that train of thought and looked over at Bono. If he didn’t know any better, he would have said Bono had been reading the same page for the past ten minutes. “You alright?” Edge asked after another minute of no page turning.

“Fine,” Bono said, and flipped the page with enough force that Edge was surprised he didn’t rip it from the book.

“Okay then.”

It was a short flight, and soon enough they were on the ground and checking in at the hotel. Edge considered taking a long hot shower and then climbing into bed for a few hours before the evening could commence. No one had made any plans as of yet, but there was always an evening to be had on days off or otherwise. He got as far as pulling a few necessaries out of his suitcase before there was a knock on the door.

Bono gave him a wry grin when he opened the door and brushed past him into the sitting room. “I was just going to shower,” Edge said and shut the door.

“I know.” Bono sat down on the couch and looked at him expectantly, but Edge didn’t move from the door. He was stuck wondering how Bono had known exactly, and it must have been all over his face. “You always have a shower when you’re tense, Edge.”

Edge wanted to argue, but he knew that it was true. He rolled his eyes instead and went and sat next to Bono on the couch. “You know me so well, do you?”

“For the most part. Sometimes, you can be a mystery.” Bono smiled at him, and Edge couldn’t help but smile back. “You can have your shower in a minute; I just need to make something clear.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.” Bono took a deep breath. “On the plane, I wasn’t suggesting that we have sex together.” Edge laughed, and then stopped himself immediately. Bono was giving him a dirty look, and he wasn’t even sure why he had laughed. “I’m glad you find this amusing, Edge.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I laughed, I swear.” Bono stared at him for a bit longer, and then slumped back into the couch. Edge took it as a good sign. “It was just a weird thing to hear you say, is all.”

“I suppose it would be,” Bono grumbled. “Look, I never should have said anything about anything. I just needed to tell someone, and I hoped you might not-” Bono cut himself off with a sharp exhale and then threw his hands up uselessly in the air.

“I know,” Edge said gently. “I’m glad you told me, I am. And I’m not judging at all. I was a bit surprised, to say the least. Which is pretty amazing if you think about it. I thought you might have stopped surprising me years ago, but here we are.” Bono laughed and Edge relaxed further into the couch.  “You can tell me anything, B.”

“I know that.” Bono smiled, and patted him on the arm. “I do need to reiterate though, that I wasn’t suggesting anything. I was just stuck on an idea that a very small part of me had had, and was thinking out loud. You know that, right?”

“Yes,” Edge said after a beat, and Bono smiled wider. “Though I am a single man now.” He meant it as a joke, but Bono’s face dropped.  He reached over and squeezed Edge’s hand.

“You’ll find someone, Edge,” he said earnestly. Edge cleared his throat and pulled his hand away, and Bono pursed his lips together then nodded.  “Anyway, you better go and have your shower.” He got up and headed towards the door and Edge was all ready for him to go, but he had to ask.

“Bono?” Bono paused with his hand on the door handle, his eyebrows raised in question. “This guy in the men’s room.”

“Yes?”

Edge flushed and shook his head. “Never mind.”

“What about him, Edge?”

“Well, I was just wondering, you know. Of all the men you’ve encountered in your life, what made him so special?”

Bono thought it over for a moment, his hand still resting on the door handle, and Edge felt like an idiot for even asking. Then Bono shrugged, a smirk covering his face. “I don’t know. He just was, I suppose.”

It wasn’t much of an answer, and Edge found himself a bit disappointed. “What did he look like? Was he tall?”

“No, about your height. Thin. Beautiful eyes.” Bono shrugged again. “I pictured him and I on the beach in Killiney.” The door shut quietly behind him, and Edge was left to wonder what Bono had meant by that last statement. He soon forgot about his shower completely.


	2. Everywhere You Look (There's A Gay Bar)

Somehow, they had ended up in San Francisco. Edge wasn’t entirely sure who had decided they were going there – they’d went from discussing it to grabbing a few toiletries and a change of underwear and hitting the road in all of thirty minutes – but his money was on Adam. They had played San Diego the night before, and had landed in Sacramento just before lunch. Adam had been behind the wheel of a rental just after one with Bono navigating badly from the passenger seat and Edge had sat in the back seat wondering if maybe he should have stayed behind and spent the day sleeping by the pool like Larry.

They’d gotten there in one piece, and found a little restaurant just on the outskirts of town to have an early dinner. They had left security behind – Edge didn’t even know if anyone had told them they were leaving – and he was slightly worried that they were going to be bothered, but besides a few stares and hushed whispers, they managed to eat in peace.

“Isn’t the house from Full House from around here?” Bono asked after finishing his fourth glass of whiskey for the afternoon. “Do you think they’re filming?”

Adam laughed. “Did you want to get Bob Saget’s autograph?”

“Why settle for Bob when John Stamos is around?” Bono countered. Adam raised his glass in agreement. “Shall we go?”

“I think they film in Los Angeles though,” Edge said.

Adam sighed and set his glass back down on the table. “Are you sure?”

“I think so. On a soundstage? The house is here though.”

“Well, we have to go then.” Bono was up out of his seat without another word and ambling towards the counter.

Edge watched him go and then turned to Adam. “Do you think he’s paying the bill or getting another drink?”

“I hope it’s the bill,” Adam replied. “He’s the one that had the lobster.”

Bono was stuffing his wallet back into his pocket when he returned, so Adam and Edge finished their drinks and stood up. “Broderick Street, Edge.”

“Sorry?”

“I asked the waitress if she knew where the house was. Broderick Street. You’re going to have to drive, Edge, you’ve had the least of all of us.”

Adam chuckled, then pulled the keys from his pocket and tossed them at Edge, who caught them with one hand. “This is what happens when you nurse your drink the entire meal, I suppose.”

It wasn’t what Edge had pictured when he’d agreed to go on the trip, and now that he thought of it, he wasn’t even sure he had agreed, but he supposed it was better than driving around looking for the red light district. They’d done that in Detriot a few years prior. Larry had been the brains behind that one, and Bono had never let him live it down. He climbed in the car and was so glad to see Adam in the passenger seat with the map in his lap. Still, they got completely lost and by the time they found Broderick Street, the sun was well on its way to setting.

“Did you happen to catch the number of the house, Bono?” Adam asked as they turned into the street.

“Of course I did,” Bono said, sounding shocked that Adam would even ask such a thing.

“Well?”

There was a pause. “It was seventeen hundred something.  Very early seventeen hundreds. Perhaps seventeen oh three?”

“Fine navigating as always, B,” Edge said, but continued on until they reached the very early seventeen hundreds. He stopped in front of the number Bono had suggested, and Bono rolled down the back window.

“That’s it, that’s the house!”

Edge peered out the window. “The house next door looks almost exactly the same, are you sure it’s that one?”

“Well, it has to be one of them. Or that one over there.”

Adam started laughing, hard, and Edge couldn’t help but join in. Bono tried to ignore them, but Edge could see the start of a grin tugging around the corners of his mouth. “Do you watch Full House quite a bit, Bono?” Adam asked when they’d both calmed down.

“I’ve seen a few episodes, I didn’t overly enjoy it,” Bono said, and Adam completely lost it. “But that house is a star in the making.” He settled back into the cheap plastic upholstery, looking quite smug as he watched Adam wipe tears from his eyes.

Edge just shook his head with a wide grin, and waited till Bono said it was okay for them to go, but he was glad he had come. Overjoyed even, and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt that way off stage.

They discussed driving back to Sacramento that evening, since they did have hotel rooms waiting there for them after all, but Edge found himself arguing that they might as well stay the night since it was already dark. He didn’t know the road well enough to drive at night time, and Adam had had a bit too much to drink to even consider it.

“Do you think the Four Seasons has a vacancy?” Bono asked from the backseat. Adam shrugged and reached for the car phone.

They ended up with two separate rooms - both one bedroom suites – and in the hallway Bono looked at Edge and offered to sleep on the sofa bed. “Why does Adam get the room to himself?” Edge asked.

“Adam snores.”

“So do you!”

“Okay, Adam enjoys bringing girls back to his room,” Bono countered, and Edge realized that Bono had a good point. “So I’ll sleep on the sofa bed if you’d like.”

“No, I’ll have it.”

“Or perhaps you could share the king?” Adam suggested. “Or is that only an option for when we are broke?” He smiled at them, and then opened the door to his room without another word and disappeared inside.

Edge could feel Bono’s eyes on him and he swallowed. It had been a month since their discussion in Boston and they’d not talked about it since. Edge had barely even thought about it, if he had to be honest with himself. But standing there with the option of sharing a bed with Bono for the first time in years, he couldn’t help but be reminded. He met Bono’s gaze and found Bono beaming. “Or perhaps we could share the king?” he said in a bad English accent and Edge couldn’t help but smile back.

“Perhaps we could,” he said.

The mini bar wasn’t stocked enough to Bono’s liking, and Adam’s was more of the same, so they ended up heading out and finding a bar that suited. The streets were busy for a Thursday night - they were stopped on a few occasions for photographs and the like – but they found a bar that suited and drank until Bono wanted to move on and follow the group from the table over.

Edge was pleasantly buzzed when they reached the next bar – completely drunk, really – and it took him a lot longer than it should have to realize that they were in the middle of a gay bar. He’d been in many beforehand over the years with the others – they’d found out early on that people tended to leave them alone more in those sorts of establishments – but that night, he couldn’t help but laugh. The table filled with drinks, Adam disappeared completely, and he found himself blindly following Bono around and shouting over the music while Bono laughed and stumbled and grasped his wrist.

Edge awoke with his mouth tasting like the bottom of a shoe and his stomach rolling. He staggered to the bathroom with his eyes almost glued shut and vomited heartily into the toilet. He let his cheek rest on the cool porcelain for a minute or two before pulling himself up and pissing for what felt like an hour. He flushed then stepped over to the sink and found his toothbrush. He brushed and rinsed and then brushed once more, then stuck his mouth under the faucet and guzzled at least a litre of water. His face was still under the stream when Bono lurched into the room and fell on his knees in front of the toilet. Edge stood up straight, turned off the water and wiped his mouth while Bono heaved in front of him. He almost felt pity for Bono, but remembered that it had been Bono’s idea to go to the second bar and drink more. That much he could remember.

So he waited patiently until Bono was finished, then flushed the toilet and pulled Bono to his feet and towards the sink. “Rinse your mouth out.” Bono did as he was told, as compliant as he’d ever been, and he accepted the toothbrush that Edge then offered to him and began to brush. Edge wanted to climb back into bed and sleep for another ten hours, anything to get rid of the pounding in the back of his skull and the sickly feeling still lingering, but Bono needed attending to first.  He noticed a red mark on his cheek and after inspecting it closer, realized it was lipstick. He didn’t remember how it got there. “How much did we drink?” he wondered.

Bono spat in the sink and rinsed his mouth before turning and facing Edge. He was pale, his skin clammy and his eyes bloodshot, but he managed a grin. “We drank the fucking bar, Edge,” he croaked. Edge huffed out a laugh, though he was already picturing Bono attempting to sing that evening with his voice that way. They was still hours away though - he assumed - and after holding Bono steady while he emptied his bladder, they fell back into bed where Edge frowned at the digital clock and saw that it was only just gone seven. He set the alarm for eleven, hoping that this Four Seasons had a midday checkout like all the other ones they had stayed at.

Edge rolled over, expecting Bono to already be asleep, but he found Bono looking at him with hooded eyes and a lazy smile. “You danced with a vision in a red dress last night, Edge,” he murmured. “Dark hair, red lips, the whole nine yards.”

“Did I?”

“Mmm. His name was Steven.” Edge blinked and Bono started to laugh; a deep rumble that came from his chest. “He was lovely. You stepped on his foot.”

“Did I?” Edge repeated. He was too hungover to deal with what Bono was telling him, and when Bono continued to laugh, Edge could do nothing else but join in.

He managed to sleep a few more hours and woke up feeling more human. Bono was a lump in the backseat of the car, clutching a styrofoam cup of black coffee like it was a lifesaver, his sunglasses on the entire ride home. Adam was surprisingly lively and offered to drive. It was a quiet trip back, with Bono’s window down most of the way, and Edge found himself lost in his thoughts. He tried to remember the night before, but it was all a blur. He couldn’t picture himself dancing with anyone, let alone another man, though he didn’t doubt Bono’s word in the slightest. A few years ago, he might have reacted differently to the thought, but in the car, he found himself smiling every time he thought of it.

They made it through the concert a lot easier than Edge had expected, and Adam and Larry were planning the evening’s festivities as soon as they left the stage. Edge opted out, and wasn’t that surprised when Bono decided the same. His voice had held up, but Bono still looked like he was recovering.

When he got to his room, Bono followed him inside and headed straight for the telephone. Edge shook his head. One day, Bono was going to ask if he could come in, and Edge was going to keel over in shock. “I’m going to take a shower,” he called. Bono waved him off, the phone cradled against his shoulder.

He stayed in the shower longer than necessary, letting the hot water beat down on his aching muscles until it started to cool. He dried himself quickly, then wrapped the towel around his waist and headed towards his bedroom. Bono was sitting cross-legged on his bed with a bowl of fries in his lap, and he swallowed his mouthful when Edge entered and smiled sheepishly. “I ordered room service.”

“You couldn’t eat that at the table?” Bono shook his head, and Edge sighed and grabbed a handful of fries. He shoved them into his mouth, one by one and chewed slowly. “They’re good,” he said and pulled his towel from around his waist. He hung it on the door handle then reached in to his suitcase for a pair of briefs. He could feel Bono’s eyes following his every move and when he turned around, Bono kept his gaze steady. “What?”

“Nothing,” Bono said, then stuffed a handful of fries into his mouth.

Edge watched him chew for a moment, then shook his head and stepped into his briefs. He grabbed a white bathrobe from the wardrobe and shucked it on then went and sat down next to Bono. “Did you only get one bowl?” he asked, taking the bowl from Bono.

“I can call for some more.”

Edge shook his head. “I’m not really hungry.” He fished out the last of the fries and set the bowl on the bedside table. Bono was still watching him, chewing on a nail, and Edge swallowed. “What is it, Bono?”

Bono shrugged. His thumb stayed at his mouth and he looked down at the ground. Edge was too tired to play twenty questions, so he picked up the bowl and went and set it on the table in the other room, then sat down on the couch and turned on the television. Bono appeared a few minutes later and sat down next to him, picking up the remote and putting the television on mute. “I’ve been thinking,” he said.

Edge rubbed his left eye. He already knew he was too tired for whatever Bono had been thinking about. “What have you been thinking, Bono?”

“You remember when we had that discussion about the man in the men’s toilet?” Bono asked. Edge let his hand drop from his face and stared at Bono. He was definitely too tired. “The one that wanted to fuck me?”

“I remember.”

Bono shifted in his seat, looking more uncomfortable than Edge had seen him in quite a while. “I’ve been thinking about that, you know. Quite a lot.”

Edge continued to stare at Bono. “Thinking about it how exactly.”

Bono chuckled, but he was wringing his hands together. “You said I could tell you anything. This is me telling-”

“Is that why you took us to the gay bar last night?” Edge asked, but Bono was shaking his head before he was even halfway through the sentence and he immediately felt like a bastard. “I mean-”

“That was just fun, Edge, and we had fun! But I’ve been picturing it ever since Boston. I know I said it was just a small thought, but those are the sorts of thoughts tend to grow until they won’t be ignored. I’ve tried to, believe me.”

“Okay, okay.” Edge put a hand on Bono’s shoulder and smiled in a way that he hoped was reassuring. Bono was talking far too quickly for Edge’s liking. “Have you talked to Ali about this?”

Bono nodded. “She’s not singing from rooftops, but she’s coming around. I never imagined being unfaithful to her. I never thought I’d want to be.” Edge knew Ali, knew she wanted Bono to be content in life. He was having a hard time picturing her signing off on this however, but he trusted Bono’s word. “I’ve told her all about it, Edge, how I fantasize-”

“Fantasize?” Edge cut in sharply. “When? About him?”

Bono laughed bitterly.  “I just want to know what it feels like, Edge. Just once.”

“Okay.” Edge could understand completely the urge to experiment and try new things, he’d done it so many times in life, and it was almost like a science project, but he’d never thought of doing such a thing with another man. “Jesus, Bono, I had planned to come back to my room and sleep for twelve hours, I wasn’t really ready for _this_ conversation.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright.” Edge ran a hand through his damp hair and looked at Bono. He was wearing black leather pants and a black dress shirt and Edge had never seen him look so unsure of himself such an outfit. “So, you’re going to do this?”

“I hope so.”

“With – who? I mean, you’re famous, Bono. Word would get around.”

Bono smiled at him, weakly. “I told you, Edge. It would have to be someone who I know. And who knows me.”

Edge suddenly remembered him saying that on the plane. And what else had come with that. Bono was chewing on his lip and staring at the ground, and Edge felt his heart hammering in his chest. He swallowed thickly. “Bono, I can’t.” Bono nodded.  “It’s too much.”

Bono nodded once more, and silence fell upon the room. Edge didn’t know what else to say, and his brain that had been so exhausted a few minutes prior was now buzzing. Five minutes. It had taken all of five minutes to change their relationship completely, and he couldn’t feel mad about it, or uncomfortable, he could only feel desperately sorry for Bono.  Bono leaned forward suddenly and brought his hands up to cover his mouth. He breathed deeply and Edge was terrified that he might cry. He wrapped an arm around Bono’s shoulders and Bono allowed himself to be pulled closer. “Can we just pretend like I never said anything?”

“Sure,” Edge said. He felt Bono smile against his chest.

“Liar.” Edge said nothing, just tightened his grip. They stayed like that for a while, and Edge had just started wondering if Bono had fallen asleep when he asked, “Do you really think that was the house from Full House?”

Edge had to stop himself from laughing. “Yes Bono, I’m pretty sure it was.”

He felt Bono nod. “Good.”


	3. A Song of Despair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This just keeps getting longer and longer though this is a pretty short chapter. I keep trying to make it fun, and it's going to be starting from the next chapter, but I had to get through some angst first. There's references to the Oakland 1992 show not going so well in this chapter. I've not seen the Oakland show, but I'm sure it went just fine, I just had to pick a show to play with. Call it artistic licensing, if you will

Edge didn’t want it to seem like he was avoiding Bono the next morning, because he was certain that it might make the situation worse, but still he stayed in bed for a few minutes longer than necessary and showered till the water ran cold. His stomach was in knots and he had barely slept, and in the end, he hid in his room until it was time to leave. Bono sat silent in the ride to the airport, his face turned to the window and his arms crossed over his chest. The air felt tense and Edge could see Larry and Adam glancing at each other in question, but he stayed quiet and stared straight ahead.

It was a thankfully short flight to Oakland, and Adam shifted in his seat through half of it before asking, “Did something happen?”

“No.”

Adam raised his eyebrows and glanced across the aisle to where Bono and Larry were seated. “Are you sure?”

“No.” It slipped out and Edge immediately regretted it when Adam whipped his head back to face him.

“Sorry?”

“I mean, it’s nothing.” He waved a dismissive hand in the air. “Just a small row, it’ll be fine.”

Adam nodded, but Edge wasn’t entirely sure he was convinced. “Alright then.”

The ride from the airport was as quiet as the ride to, and Bono was heading to his room and shutting the door firmly behind him before Edge was barely off of the elevator. Larry let out a low whistle. “We’re going to have a fantastic show tonight, “he muttered.

“It’ll be fine,” Edge said, and shuffled off to his own room. He unpacked all of his essentials and roamed aimlessly around the room for a while before going and lying down on the bed. The room was cool and soon enough he was under the covers. It was where he wanted to stay for days, and he laid his watch on the pillow beside his head, watching the hand tick closer and closer to the time that he had to get up and face the music.

Bono had let Edge hug him before leaving the night before, but his gaze had been averted and his goodbye short and Edge had tried to convince himself for half of the night that they would be alright before giving in to the truth around five am. It wasn’t a situation that Edge knew how to fix, whether it could even be fixed, and he didn’t know the next step. He wanted to stay in bed and avoid all of his responsibilities in life, Bono included, but it was hard when he knew there were thousands of people expecting his input that evening, so he dragged himself out from underneath the covers. Still, he was in a fog through most of the concert and Bono was on him as soon as soon as they hit the dressing room. “What the fuck was that?”

“What was _what_?”

“You!”

“What about me?”

Bono’s jaw clenched and Edge readied himself for a tirade, but Bono just shook his head and turned away. He ripped off his silver jacket and flung it on the floor. “You were off. A fucking child could have done a better job.”

Edge rolled his eyes. “Fuck you, Bono.” Bono spun around to face him, and for a second, Edge wondered if Bono was going to hit him. Part of him hoped he would. But Bono didn’t, he just stared at him. Edge sighed. “Look-”

“Well done,” Bono hissed. He brushed past Larry on his way out of the room and Edge felt himself flush. He hadn’t realized someone else was in the room.

“He was right,” Larry said after a moment of them just looking at each other. “You were off.”

Edge didn’t respond. He went and picked up Bono’s jacket from the ground then laid it gently on the table. When he turned back around, Larry was gone.

If there were plans to go out, Edge didn’t want to know about them. His room was cold when he got back, and he drank tea in front of the window. The city looked like a dream all lit up like it was, and Edge closed the curtain. He dumped the leftovers of his mug down the sink, then stripped down to his underwear and wrapped himself in a bathrobe. He watched television for a while, but nothing could hold his attention. His body felt heavy, but he didn’t think he could sleep, so he grabbed the first book he could see out of his bag and climbed into bed. It was a collection of poems by Pablo Neruda, and it was Bono’s. Edge couldn’t quite remember when Bono had lent it to him, but he knew it had been a while ago. A few pages had been dog-eared, so Edge flipped to the first one.

He’d gotten two sentences in when the phone rang. He thought about ignoring it for a moment, but on the fourth ring he reached over and scooped up the receiver. “Hello?”

 “Are you busy?” Bono asked and Edge dropped the book on the bed face down. Bono didn’t sound angry anymore, just tired, but Edge had not expected to hear from him so soon. He knew he should have been mad for what Bono had said, but he couldn’t.

“I was, uh, no. I was reading.”

“What are you reading?”

 “That book you gave me, actually.”

“The Pablo Neruda one? Are you enjoying it?”

Edge laughed, a little awkwardly. “I just started it. Actually, I flipped through to a random poem.”

“Which one?”

Edge picked up the book and glanced at the poem title. “Drunk with Pines?”

“What did you think?”

“I’ve only read a few lines,” Edge admitted. “Then you rang.”

Bono chuckled and Edge couldn’t help but smile. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s alright.”

There was a beat of silence, and then Bono sighed. “Would it be alright if I came over?” Edge hesitated. “Or-”

“That would be fine, Bono.”

As soon as he hung up the phone, Edge felt a wave of anxiety wash over him. He didn’t know what was going to happen, but Bono hadn’t sounded angry or upset, just exhausted. There was a knock at the door before Edge could begin to overthink the situation, and he threw back the covers and padded towards the door.

Bono was wearing a matching bathrobe, and he pointed at Edge’s as he stepped inside. “It’s incredibly cold tonight, isn’t it? I never used to think California could get cold. Especially so close to summer. It’s so strange.”

“It is cold,” Edge agreed, and shut the door. Bono smelled of cigarette smoke and his face was heavy in a way that Edge hadn’t noticed earlier. He looked wrecked. Edge gestured towards the couch, but Bono headed into the bedroom. Edge stayed by the door.

“You can relax, Edge,” Bono called from the other room, and Edge heard the wardrobe being opened. When he entered the bedroom, he found Bono with a blanket in his hands. He draped it over his shoulders and sat on the end of the bed. Edge thought about climbing back into bed, but decided against it. He shut the wardrobe door and leaned against it with his arms around his chest. Bono had his head bowed slightly, looking at the carpet. The silence stretched on, and Edge had just started to wonder if maybe he should have just let the phone ring out when Bono cleared his throat.  “I thought about avoiding you,” Bono admitted. “Then I remembered that we were in the middle of a tour and realized how difficult that might be. Not to mention unprofessional.” He looked up at Edge and smiled faintly. “But I was wallowing in pity for myself, and I found tonight’s show incredibly difficult.”

“We’ve had worse.”

“We’ve had better,” Bono replied and Edge couldn’t argue with that. “I was so angry at you tonight, Edge, and it was completely irrational. It took me a while to realize that maybe I wasn’t the only one who was distracted. And that I should stop being a fucking child.” He rubbed at his eye and let out a bitter laugh. “I’ve made a mess of it all, haven’t I, The Edge?”

Edge let his head fall back against the wardrobe and closed his eyes. “You’re not a child,” he muttered.

“You recognize that I’ve made a mess of it, then.” Bono sounded resigned, and Edge opened his eyes to look at him. He was pulling the blanket tighter around him, and his eyes were back searching the floor. Edge pushed himself away from the wardrobe and went and sat down next to him.

“Larry told me I was out, after you left.”

Bono sniffed. “I still shouldn’t-”

“I probably was. I wasn’t really paying attention. You want to talk about being unprofessional?” Edge pointed at himself, and it elicited a small smile from Bono. It dropped from his face soon enough, but Edge kept watching him. He’d thought all day that he wasn’t sure if it was fixable, wasn’t sure how they would get past it. It had seemed too hard. But looking at Bono cocooned in a blanket, Edge couldn’t help but remember when they were first starting out, and how many hardships they’d faced and beaten since.  “Shit happens.”

Bono blinked, and then he let out a short laugh. “Shit happens? That’s how you’ve decided to deal with this?”

“We’ve made it through worse.”

Bono was silent for a while, his hand coming up out of the blanket to rub at his mouth briefly. “I suppose,” he murmured, but he didn’t sound entirely convinced. Edge knew there was more coming, and soon enough Bono turned to face him. “I love you, you know.”

Edge swallowed. “I know.”

“Not in that way,” Bono added after a beat.

“I know that too.”

“I just wanted to make sure. Just to clear up any – I mean, I know what I said, how it might have been construed, but I just-”

“Bono.”

Bono scratched the back of his head, the blanket falling down around his waist. “I’m sorry, Edge.”

Edge wanted to tell him it was fine, there was nothing to be sorry for, but he knew it would fall on deaf ears. Bono looked brighter, but Edge knew it would be a few days at least before things could start feeling completely normal. He hoped, anyway. They had a day off before the next show, and Edge knew some sleep would do them both a world of good. But he couldn’t help himself. “You know, I’m pretty sure the drive is even shorter from here to San Francisco.”

Bono raised his eyebrows. “Didn’t you get enough excitement there already?”

“I just think it would be nice to drive around and see the sights without someone shouting from the backseat about a fucking house, is all.”

Bono shoved him, but he was laughing and Edge knew that they were going to be alright.

 

 


	4. Home Is Where The Heart Is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting there slowly! This chapter turned into a bit of a beast, and I kinda loved it. There's a character in here named James that I made up, and is based on no one in particular.

Edge had planned on having a sleep in when he had gone to bed the night before, to try and get rid of the jet lag that was still nagging at him, but he was awoken to the faint sound of familiar music in the next room over. He blearily checked the time and groaned. He had half a mind to try and fall back asleep, but he knew it was probably a waste of time, and he could hear Adam swearing so he grudgingly crawled out of bed. He headed to the kitchen and grabbed a mug of coffee before going to sit down on the couch next to Adam.

“Why are you up, it’s-” Adam frowned, paused the game and checked his watch. “Oh, it’s seven thirty. I’ve been playing for far too long.” He unpaused and was immediately killed. “I hate this fucking game.”

“Why are you playing it then?”

“To save the princess. Jesus Christ!” Adam swore as Mario jumped into a plant and died.

“Have you been playing all night?”

 “Just a few hours. I’m still on California time, it seems.” Adam sighed and stood up to turn off the Nintendo and television. “Do you want some eggs?” He didn’t bother waiting for an answer, just wandered off in the direction of the kitchen. Edge smiled into his coffee. Larry had been pestering him in the last few months about finding his own house, but he liked it here and Adam didn’t seem to mind. He seemed to enjoy the company, and kept telling Edge it was pointless to waste time and energy finding a house when they were on tour. He didn’t have much time and he definitely did not have the energy. They had been home two days, and Edge was still exhausted. He’d had ideas to use the next two weeks to rest and prepare for the upcoming dates, but so far, not much had come of it.

The last few shows were a bit of a blur, but Bono seemed almost back to normal, if a little quiet and distracted. They had barely had any time alone together since that cold night in Oakland, and Edge had missed it. He’d hoped for some time to talk on the plane trip home, but Bono had been out like a light from the second take off was over, and he’d been spacey upon waking so Edge figured maybe he would just let him be. He hadn’t seen him since.

“Edge, do you want bacon?” Adam called from the kitchen.

Edge pulled himself from the couch, mug in hand, and followed Adam into the kitchen. “Of course I do.”

“Make me a cup of tea then, would you?”

Edge smirked and did as he was told.

Adam went to bed after breakfast, telling Edge to wake him up in a few hours if he was home, and Edge did the dishes and had a shower, then listened to a cassette tape of one of their old recording sessions, hoping to find some new riffs that he might have missed. He waited until what he thought was a more reasonable time before picking up the telephone and dialling. It rang a few times before being answered. “Hello?”

“Hello, love.”

“Edge!” Ali exclaimed and Edge could hear her smile through the receiver. “How funny, Jordan was just asking about you.”

“Was she now?”

“Mmhmm, she must have heard Bono talking about you. Sounds like she misses you. Are you coming over while you’re home?”

“Well, I don’t think I have much of a choice if Jordan is requesting my presence.”

“What about tonight for dinner? Or are you seeing the girls?”

“No, I’ve seen the girls yesterday. Tonight would be great.”

“You’re still at Adam’s, right? Do you want to see if he could come?”

 “He’s seeing a girl tonight, I’m pretty sure.”

“Oh, of course. You know you’re always welcome here, Edge, we’ve got a spare room.”

Edge rubbed at the back of his head. She’d said this to him a few times in the past, and he’d always responded with the same thing. “I know, Ali. Thank you, but I couldn’t do that. I’d feel like I was in the way and you have the girls to think about.”

“Alright, as long as you’re happy though. Did you want Bono? He’s just in the shower, I think.”

“No, it’s fine, I’ll see him tonight. What time-”

“Any time before six is fine. You could come now if you want,” Ali laughed. “We’ve no other plans today, for once.”

“Okay, I’ll be around in a couple of hours then, love. Bye.”

Ali said goodbye and Edge’s arm felt heavy as he went to hang up the phone. She’d sounded so happy and pleased to hear from him; Edge wondered if Bono had told her all about the past week. He sat there for a while, staring at the wall, before going and having a quick lie down himself.

Ali’s car was missing when he pulled into the driveway and it was Bono that greeted him at the door with a sleepy Eve in his arms. He immediately passed her over to Edge and smiled tiredly when she wrapped her arms around Edge’s neck.  “Ali decided we needed zucchini for dinner, so she’s gone to do some shopping. She said she wouldn’t be long, but she’ll probably come back with an entire new dinner plan.”

“Whatever it is, I’m sure it’ll be delicious.” He followed Bono into the living room, tickling Eve’s stomach until she started to giggle. “She’s gotten so big.”

“I know, it’s horrible. Jordan’s doing the same thing. I want them to stay tiny for a bit longer.” He sat down on the couch and Edge handed Eve back to Bono before sitting down next to him.

“Is she with Ali?”

Bono nodded, and laughed. “She wanted to go shopping. She wanted to stay with me. She wanted to play with her toys. There were some tears, but Ali won out in the end.”

“She’s at that wonderful age then.” Bono just smiled in response. He glanced down at Eve, who was staring up at him with tired eyes and starting to dribble. Edge had to laugh. When Jordan had been born, she’d been so tiny that Edge had been scared to pick her up, even though he’d had more than enough experience with babies at that point. She was still small, and besides her eyes, Edge couldn’t see much of Bono in her. Eve was going to be all Bono, Edge could already tell. “Look at those eyes,” he marvelled. “She’s beautiful, B.”

“It’s all Ali.” Bono stood up suddenly and picked Eve up. “It was nap time half an hour ago. Say night night, Evie.” He took Eve’s hand and waved with it at Edge. Edge laughed and waved back. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

One minute turned into ten, and Edge was looking at the cover of an old Rolling Stone magazine when Bono returned and leaned over his shoulder. He made a noise of disgust and came to sit back down next to Edge. “I hate that picture.”

“You look good in it.”

“I hate it.”

Edge set the magazine back down on the table. He watched as Bono rubbed at his face. He still seemed so tired. “How are you, Bono?” Bono just laughed. “Doing well, then?”

“I’m fine, Edge. Really. I’m just-” Bono shrugged, and rubbed at his thighs. “I’m glad to be home. I’m not entirely here though, you know?”

Edge could relate. The end of a tour was always easier than the breaks of a tour, especially the small breaks, but Edge had a feeling that Bono wasn’t just meaning that. “I’ve been doing some thinking.”

“Yeah?”

“Well.” Edge drummed his fingers on his leg, feeling a bit awkward. He wasn’t sure how to say it, and really wasn’t sure if it was too soon to be saying anything at all. “About your problem.”

“My problem?”

Edge glanced around the room automatically, and then felt like an idiot. He already knew Eve was the only other person in the house, and even if she had managed to get back out here, she would have no comprehension of what he was about to say. “Wanting to get fucked.”

Bono held up a hand. “I knew what you were talking about, Edge. What about it?”

“Well, I mean, have you done any more thinking about it?”

Bono narrowed his eyes at him. “I thought we were done talking about this, unless you’ve –“

“No, no.”

“Right.”

There was a silence, and Edge scratched at his neck, feeling a little bit uncomfortable. “I just wanted to know if I could do anything – else. To help, I mean. Are you still thinking about it?”

Bono was chewing on his lip and staring straight ahead, and Edge was sure he’d just made a giant mistake. But then Bono turned and looked at him with a hesitant smile on his face. It wasn’t even really a smile, more a twisting of his mouth, but it was much better than a glare. “I’m still thinking about it.”

Edge nodded. “Have you considered, uh.”

“Considered?”

“Someone else besides me?”

Bono closed his eyes briefly, like he couldn’t believe what Edge had just asked. Edge couldn’t believe it either, really. “No, Edge, I’ve not really thought too much about that. It’s all shambles up here.” He gestured to his head. “It’s not like it’s an easy decision to make, and then you have to face the sting of rejection.” The words cut through Edge like a knife, and Bono immediately looked like he regretted saying them. “I mean-”

Edge waved a dismissive hand. “It’s fine.”  They sat in silence once more. There was a question Edge had been wanting to ask Bono since that day he’d mentioned the guy in the bar, and he knew there was never a good time to ask it. Ali and Jordan would likely be home soon though, and their presence would hopefully diffuse any awkwardness that followed.  He took a deep breath, and Bono looked at him expectantly, trepidation written all over his face. He knew something was coming, and Edge nearly reconsidered asking. “Have you ever, you know. Put something up there?”

Bono’s eyes widened, and he fell back against the couch, his hands coming up to cover his face. “Jesus Christ, Edge.” He started to laugh. “Jesus. I cannot believe you just asked me that.”

Edge’s face felt red hot, but the fact that Bono was laughing told him it was okay to continue. He figured. “I was just curious, is all.”

“Curious? About whether I’ve penetrated myself?” Bono laughed again. “Edge, most people are curious about political stance or how other people take their tea.”

Edge smiled, a little bit uneasy. “I just-”

“I know. Our scientist needs his information. “Bono shook his head. “No.”

“You haven’t?”

“I told you, it’s about the connection with the other person, more than the actual physical pleasure, Edge. The gratification is in the connection.”

Edge shifted in his seat. He’d heard Bono talk about sex so many times over the years, in much more graphic detail, but those few words made him feel awkward. “I remember. But, I mean, you’d want to enjoy it a little bit. What if it hurt? I’ve heard it can hurt.”

“Have you now? From who exactly?”

Edge rolled his eyes. “I just think you should consider it, is all, if you are going to do this, and it is going to be a one-time thing. You wouldn’t want it to be a bad experience, no matter how much you were focussed on the connection.”

“Any experience would be an experience,” Bono said quietly, but he looked to be mulling over Edge’s words. “You’re right, though.”

Edge smiled to himself. It was a strange thing to be proud of for being right about, but he was proud. “What about a finger?”

“What?” Bono began to laugh once more, his hand coming up to run through his hair. His cheeks were reddening, and he glanced towards the door before turning to Edge. “Alright, I might have tried that once, but I couldn’t get the right angle and I ended up admitting defeat pretty quickly.”

The words tumbled out of him, and he shook his head once he was done, but he gave Edge a look like he was daring him to ask more. Edge was just trying to get past the mental image. “Were you laying down or-”

“I can’t believe we’re discussing this.” Bono looked like he might laugh once more, but he managed to contain himself. “I was in the shower. I was shampooing my hair and inspiration struck, as it were.”

“It probably would have worked better if you had something to put your foot up on. I’ve heard that, anyway.”

“You’ve heard that? Edge, who have you been talking to?” Bono peered at him. “Unless, are you speaking from experience?”

“No!” Edge exclaimed, and Bono did laugh then. “It’s James, you know, Adam’s friend that’s gay?”

“Uh huh, and have these been recent conversations?”

“Not that recent. Last year sometime. Don’t ask how it came up, there was tequila involved.”

“I won’t.” Bono’s eyes were dancing, and Edge suddenly felt more relaxed than he had in days. It was not the reaction he had expected, and he was almost glad he had brought it up, no matter how uncomfortable the topic was.

“Have you ever considered a toy? Like, a dildo?”

“Edge, I just can’t walk into an adult store in Dublin. Or in any other city really. The press would have a field day.”

Edge nodded. He was right on that one; it didn’t take them much at all. “What if I went?”

“You know you’re famous too, right?”

“Not like you. I think I could get away with it.”

“Maybe the four of us could go in together, that would really get them talking.”

“Perhaps.” Edge rubbed at his chin thoughtfully. “What about a zucchini?”

Bono started to laugh so hard his shoulders were shaking, and Edge leaned back against the couch, certainly proud of himself for that one. He heard keys rattling in the distance, and then there were footsteps. “Oh shit, act normal.” Bono leapt to his feet and started towards the front door, a hand running over his cheek. Edge watched him go with a smile on his face, and then slowly pulled himself to his feet. He heard the pitter patter of small feet in the next room, and his smile grew wider.

It was hours before he was stepping into Adam’s house, a little tipsy on red wine and he knew he shouldn’t have driven home, but he’d made it there in one piece. It had been a great night, and Jordan had clung to his leg for what had felt like an eternity. It had left a pang in his chest, but the company he had kept distracted him from that. Ali had hugged him tight and kissed him before leaving, and more than once she’d put up the offer of him coming to live with them for a while, and Bono had sat back with a glass in his hand and watched the two of them together with an expression that Edge just hadn’t been able to figure out. He’d walked Edge to his car, barefoot and shivering. “I’m heading into Dublin tomorrow for a bit,” he’d said. “Do you want to come?”

Edge had said yes, and Bono had smiled and waved to him as he’d backed out of the driveway. He was happy, and that feeling was still there when he walked into the living room and found Adam in only a towel, on the couch with the Nintendo controller in his hand. Edge was just glad he was covered at all. Adam paused the game and grinned up at Edge. “Weren’t you going out?” Edge said by way of greeting.

“She rescheduled. We’re going out tomorrow night, apparently.”

“Oh. You should have said something, Ali cooked up a great meal.”

Adam shrugged. “It’s fine, I only found out last minute anyway.”

“Okay.” Edge sat down next to him and glanced at the television. Mario again. “Have you been playing this all day?”

“Not all day, I slept for a while, remember? And I watched a movie.”

Edge laughed. “I envy your ability to do nothing.”

“It’s a wonderful skill to have. Did you have a nice evening?”

“I did. You should see the girls, Adam, they’re so big.”

“I’m sure.” He turned back to the television and unpaused the game. He was further than he had been when Edge had last seen him play, and he seemed like he was getting the hang of it. “And how’s Bono?”

Edge frowned. “You saw him two days ago.”

“I know that. I was just curious.  He’s been a bit – off. Recently.”

Edge stared at the television screen. He knew that Adam and Larry had noticed, and he wasn’t sure what they were thinking about the whole thing. Had they suspected anything? “He was fine.”

“Good.” They sat quietly for a while, the music from the game filling the room, and Edge found his gaze eventually move from the screen to Adam. He’d obviously showered at some point in the evening, and his hair was still slightly damp. He was taller than Edge, taller than the rest of them, and wasn’t shy about his body - or the bodies belonging to other people – when it came to sex or otherwise. He didn’t have a reason to be shy though, and Edge found his gaze moving down to Adam’s well-built chest. A thought began to form in Edge’s mind, and he hadn’t realized he was staring until Adam let out a sigh, paused the game and turned to him. “What?”

“What?”

“You’re looking at me.”

“Oh, that.”

“Yes, that.” Adam looked amused, and Edge had just enough wine in him to lean forward and ask him what he was thinking.

“Have you ever slept with a man, Adam?”

Adam raised his eyebrows, but barely reacted otherwise. “No.”

“Oh.”

“Have you?”

Edge was taken aback by the question, but Adam smiled encouragingly. “No, I have not.”

“Were you looking to sleep with one?”

“What? No, I’m-”

“I’m not going to judge, Edge, but I think it was a reasonable question to ask considering the way you were looking at me.”

Edge flushed. “Look, it’s just, I have a friend who is curious about this sort of thing, okay?”

Adam narrowed his eyes. “What friend?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Is it Gavin?”

“No, it’s not Gavin! Adam, it doesn’t matter, forget I said-”

“Is it Bono?” Edge stopped short, and Adam’s mouth dropped open. “Is it? Is it Bono?”

“I can’t-” Edge shook his head and let out a short laugh. “You can’t say anything.”

“I won’t.”

“I mean it, Adam! Bono told me this in confidence, and if he knew I said anything, well-”

“Edge.” Adam grabbed him by the arm, his eyes suddenly serious. “I won’t say anything.”

Adam studied his face, and then nodded. He knew Adam, and out of the four of them, Adam was likely the best at keeping secrets. “Thank you.”

“Is that why he’s been so-” Adam waved his hand vaguely in the air.

“Yeah.”

“Jesus. But. Can I ask what the nature of it is? Is he just curious, or does he want, well.”

Edge sighed. He wasn’t sure if he should be saying anything at all, but Adam seemed truly interested, and Bono had said that he wanted someone who knew him. “He wants to know what it would be like. Just once.”

“And by it, you mean-”

“Being, you know. Fucked.”

Adam’s eyebrows went up once more, and he leaned back in his seat. “Wow. But Ali-”

“He’s talked to her about it, apparently.”

“Apparently? Did she say anything about it tonight?”

“Why would she, it’s not exactly a conversation you would have over dinner, Adam.”

Adam huffed out a laugh. “I might.”

“I know you might.” Edge smiled. “He’s really into the idea. Mostly about the emotional connection.”

Adam nodded. “That sounds like Bono.”

“It does.”

“So it just can’t be a random person then.”

“For more reasons than one, yes.”

“Right.” Adam frowned at the television. He got up and turned off the Nintendo and television, obviously done with the game for the night. “Can you imagine that story in the newspapers?” It wasn’t something Edge wanted to even consider. Adam sat back down next to him, suddenly looking thoughtful. “What about my friend James? He’s very discreet.”

Edge shook his head. “I don’t know, Bono barely knows him.”

“Hmm.” Adam cocked his head, looking at Edge with a small frown on his face. He looked like he was mulling something over. “Were you considering me?”

“Um.” Edge shifted in his seat. “Well, yes. I mean, it’s Bono’s decision, not mine, but I want to help him and would that, would that be an option?”

The frown grew bigger and Adam absently started to fiddle with the hem of his towel. “I don’t know, it’s a hard question to answer.”

“I know.”

Adam blinked at him. “You know?” Edge stayed silent, the ground suddenly becoming very interesting, and he was full of regret. Adam nudged him in the side. “Did he ask you?”

“I don’t want to discuss it,” Edge said tightly, and Adam’s arm dropped.

“I’m sorry.”

They fell into silence, and Edge could sense that Adam wanted to know more. He cleared his throat. “Anyway, that’s it, that’s – I’m worried he’s going to get hurt, and I know that you wouldn’t.Hurt him, I mean. And he’s going into this blind.” Edge let out a laugh that surprised even himself. “I considered going to the library and doing some research on gay sex, Adam, I don’t know how this became my problem, but for the past few days, it’s practically all I can think about.” Adam smirked, but said nothing. “I asked him about sex toys today, Adam.”

“Over dinner?”

“No, before. Ali wasn’t there.  I thought that one might be beneficial to him.” Edge bent forward and buried his head in his hands. “There have been so many fucking strange conversations in my life these past few days.”

“A sex toy probably would help,” Adam agreed. Edge let his hands drop and he stared at Adam. Adam stared back and then they both burst out laughing. It took them a while to calm down, and then Adam rested a hand on Edge’s back. “Look, I don’t have any toys, I’ve never needed them.” Edge rolled his eyes, and Adam slapped his back lightly. “But James might, you never know. I’ll give him a ring-”

“Don’t tell him anything.”

“I’ll say it’s for me, he’ll probably believe that.” Edge considered this, a small smile appearing on his face. It was certainly plausible. “I’ll see what else I can get out of him too.”

“Such as?”

Adam shrugged. “Well, you were going to go to the library, weren’t you?”

“Are you going to ask your friend for tips on gay sex?” Adam shrugged again and grinned widely. Edge laughed. He couldn't believe the day he was having.

“Do you think Bono knows the bedlam he’s caused?”

The smile dropped from Edge’s face. Bono knew. He didn’t tell Adam that, just patted him on the shoulder. “Thanks, Adam. Thanks for being – thanks.” Adam nodded and stood up, holding his towel in place as he did so. He was heading for the hallway, but Edge had to know. “Adam?”

“Yeah?”

Edge looked over the back of the couch to find him standing by the door. “What about the other thing?”

Adam sighed. “I just don’t know, Edge.”

Edge nodded. “Goodnight then.”

“Night.”

Edge turned back to face the now blank television, listening to Adam’s footsteps padding down the hallway. He was unsure of whether he should tell Bono about their conversation, whether he should tell Bono how Adam hadn’t said no. He sat there for a while, thinking it over, and in the end he gave up and headed to bed himself.

 


	5. Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been trying to find the energy to write this for a few days now, but I've been so sick, so it's taken me longer than I wanted.

Bono was on the hunt. For what specifically, Edge still wasn’t entirely sure, but they’d been to three different jewellery stores and Bono still was not satisfied. He spent some time by the rings section, and then he moved to the necklaces, and when he shuffled towards the bracelets, Edge gave in and asked what he was looking for. “Something shiny,” Bono said.

Edge sighed, but he followed Bono dutifully around the store until they ended up in front of the necklaces once more. He spared a glance at the clerk. She was watching them rather anxiously, and Edge had to smile. “What about that one, The Edge?” Bono jammed his finger against the glass.

Edge leaned in and looked. Bono seemed to be pointing at a diamond heart that was dwarfed by the rest of the pendants in the window.  “The diamond one?”

“Yes, it’s beautiful, don’t you think?”

He had to nod. It was lovely in its simplicity, and he knew Ali would wear it well. He assumed it was for Ali anyway. “It’s pretty. I think Ali would love it.”

“Good.”

“What did you do?”

“What?”

“It’s not her birthday, or Christmas, or an anniversary.”

Bono gave him a look. “Does a husband need a reason to buy his wife a gift?”

Edge knew the answer was no, but he had a gut feeling about this one. “Did you piss her off?”

Bono huffed, and then turned back to look at the necklace. “Perhaps,” he admitted finally. “More upset her a little, I suppose. She’s fine now, but - she’ll like it, right?”

Edge had his suspicions about what had upset Ali, but he didn’t voice them. He just patted Bono on the back. “It’s perfect.” Bono smiled, and Edge had the urge to hug him. He held back, though, and went and looked at the watches while Bono was attended to. It was not even one.

Edge felt like he had been up for half a day, though it had only been a few hours. He’d not slept well, and he was sure he’d had strange dreams; dreams he couldn’t quite remember, but he knew Bono had been in them. He’d woken up hard and disorientated to the phone ringing and ringing through his closed door. He’d stumbled out, but Adam had beaten him there, hair askew, and he’d raised an eyebrow at Edge’s crotch before asking whoever was on the other side how they were. Edge had given him the finger and shuffled off toward the shower, and he’d barely climbed in before there had been a banging at the door.  “That was Bono, he’ll be around in about an hour, so you’ve got plenty of time to attend to business in there.”

“Fuck off, Clayton.” Adam had just laughed.

They ended up in a restaurant that Edge was sure had only opened recently, and he said as such to Bono after they had been seated and offered the menu. Bono shook his head. “I came here with Gavin for my birthday last year.”

Edge frowned. “I was with you two for your birthday last year and I’ve never been here, Bono.”

Bono glanced around the room, and then shrugged. “Who even knows anymore, Edge? Let’s order a bottle of wine.”

“You have to drive home, you know.”

“Then you’ll just have to drink most of the bottle, won’t you?” Bono said and reached for the wine list. Edge had to smile. He knew who was driving home, and it sure as hell wasn’t going to be Bono. They went for a white, and Edge ordered fish while Bono went for steak and mushrooms. The restaurant was only half full, and Edge could sense the eyes looking at them without having to glance around. They were left alone though, and Edge was thankful for it. Bono seemed restless, talking about his kids before cutting himself off and bringing up the tour and he was on his second glass of wine when their food came.

They ate quietly, Bono tearing into his steak like a man who hadn’t eaten for weeks, and Edge paused to take a sip of wine. Bono had been quiet for most of the day, and more than once he had brought his hand up to rub at his eye. “How did you sleep last night?”

Bono blinked at him, then put his knife and fork down and reached for the bottle. “Evie’s teething.”

“Oh. That’s always fun.”

Bono nodded, and emptied the bottle into his glass. “Mmm. Do you want to order another?”

“Maybe later.”

Another nod, and then Bono leaned back in his chair with his glass in his hand and stared out the window. Edge continued to watch him, and their food was getting cold. They’d not talked about the elephant in the room all day, and Edge wanted badly to bring it up, to bring up Adam’s name, but he wasn’t entirely sure how. Finally, Bono gave a sigh and turned back. “What are you thinking, Edge?”

“Just about the tour, really.” It was a lie and Bono knew it, but he said nothing, just took a mouthful of his wine and continued on with his steak. “What about Adam?” It tumbled out of him, and Edge was surprised at himself. Bono’s cutlery cluttered against his plate and the look he gave Edge was prickly.

“What _about_ Adam?”

Edge cleared his throat, a little awkwardly. Bono didn’t look happy, and he knew he shouldn’t have brought it up. He also knew he wasn’t going to get out of it without explaining himself. “Well, you know. Adam is pretty open minded and he loves you, Bono.”

“And?”

“And you wanted someone who knew you and who you knew.” Edge shrugged. “He’d probably do it, if you asked him.”

Bono stared at him, and then let out a short laugh. “I’m not having his horse dick inside of me,” he exclaimed. There was a clattering, and Edge knew the whole room was staring at them. He wondered if they were going to be in the paper tomorrow. Bono rubbed at his face and shook his head. He didn’t look angry anymore, just dejected. “No, Edge. Not Adam. Not him.”

Edge nodded, but he felt a bit deflated himself. There went that idea. He picked up his glass and downed it, then went about finishing his meal. Bono pushed his own plate away and started to drum his fingers on the table. “Have you been thinking about this all day?” he asked.

“Not all day. Last night mostly. And in the shower for a bit.”

Bono smiled faintly. “I’m such a distraction, aren’t I, The Edge?” Edge had a few different responses in his head, and not all of them were nice, so he bit his tongue. “It’s draining. It’s so draining.”

“What about Gavin?” Edge had thought about not asking, about dropping the conversation completely and buying another bottle of wine or two, but he wanted so badly to fix it for Bono.

“Gavin?” Bono screwed up his face. “He’d talk about it for the next hundred years, you know he would.”

Edge knew that Bono was right on that one. “Still, he might do it.”

Bono just shook his head. “Not Gav.” He said it firmly, and Edge knew there was no room for discussion. It left him at a bit of a loss.

 “Guggi?”

“Oh Jesus, no.” Bono let out a snort of laughter. “Could you imagine?”

Edge did imagine it, for a moment, and he struggled not to laugh. “Okay, then what about Larry?”

Bono looked horrified. “Larry is like my brother!” He pursed his lips together immediately upon saying it, and brought a hand up to rub the back of his head.  

His words gave Edge pause. “And what am I?”

“You’re-” Bono shook his head. “Look, forget I said anything about anything. Eat your fucking salmon.”

Edge shoved his plate away. “I’m done. Finish your fucking wine.”

Edge drove them home, not trusting Bono after a few glasses to get them home safely. He barely trusted a straight Bono to drive them anywhere. He turned up the radio and kept his eyes straight forward, though Bono kept looking at him from the passenger seat. Edge just ignored him, until Bono reached over and turned off the music. “Pull over.”

“What?”

“Pull over!”

Edge looked at Bono, wondering if he was going to be sick. He looked pale, and Edge coasted the car to a stop and turned off the ignition. “Are you alright? Don’t throw up in the car.”

“I’m not going to throw up, Edge. Besides, it’s my fucking car, what do you care if I throw up in it?”

“I’d have to drive the rest of the way smelling it, that’s why!” Bono rolled his eyes and they sat in silence for a moment. “If you’re not sick-”

“I upset you.” It wasn’t a question, but Edge found himself nodding anyway. “Edge, you’ve got to understand. I thought you already did understand.”

“Understand what?”

Bono leaned forward in his seat, his elbows on his knees. He rubbed at his mouth, and then gave Edge a rueful smile. “Adam and Larry. And Gavin and Guggi too, there’s them. There’s them all together and then there’s you and Ali.”

Edge stared at him. “Are you – what?”

“I’m not talking about the romantic sense, Edge, just – I don’t know how to explain it. You two are so similar, you know?”

Bono had told him that before, years ago and Edge had laughed because he hadn’t been able to see it. He still couldn’t really, but Bono was looking at him so earnestly that he had to nod. “I guess.”

“So, I don’t know.” Bono huffed out a breath and sat up straight. “You throw all these names at me, and I couldn’t even think about doing such a thing with them because they’re my brothers. You’re just, you’re different, Edge. And that’s a good thing, it is. And I don’t say this to try and make you feel guilty, but I don’t think I could sleep with anyone but you or her. So I guess I’m fucked.”

Edge was dumbfounded. He couldn’t begin to process what Bono had just said to him. “Bono-”

“I just wanted to make sure you understood.” He looked out the window. “You can go now, Edge.”

Edge looked at him looking out the window. He wanted to say more, to ask more, but he didn’t know what or where to start, so he just turned the key in the ignition. They drove silently until Bono reached over and turned the radio back on, and soon enough they were pulling up outside of Adam’s place. They got out the car and Bono came over to stand next to him. “Are you fine to get home?” Edge asked. “I could drop you there and get Adam to come pick me up.”

“Don’t be stupid, I’m fine.”

“Alright.”

They stood there for a moment longer, and then Bono leaned in and hugged him. Edge hugged him back, and then Bono was pulling away. “I’ll call you,” he said and climbed in behind the wheel. Edge shut the door for him and gave a small wave, then stepped back. He watched Bono back out of the driveway, then turned and headed towards the house.

Adam was sitting on the couch with a book in his hand, but he let it fall to his lap when Edge walked in. “And how was your day?”

“Fine.” Edge kept on walking, and shut his bedroom door behind him. The curtains were still pulled closed, so he flicked on the light and blinked stupidly at his pillow. He stepped closer, and stared at it, then reached out and picked it up to examine it closer. It was a dildo. A giant fucking pink dildo. It had to be at least nine inches long, and nearly as thick as Edge’s wrist. He walked back out of his room with it still in hand and went to stand in front of Adam, who was back to reading his book. “What is this?”

Adam glanced up at him and grinned. “Oh, you found it.”

“Found it? It’s fucking gigantic, Adam, I’d have to be blind to miss it!”

Adam shrugged. “Well, you brought up sex toys last night, so I went to see James today and he gave-”

“You want Bono to, to use _this_?” Edge gestured at Adam with the dildo. “Adam, it would split him in two!”

Adam watched the dildo wave in the air, and then began to laugh. “No, I just wanted to see your expression actually.” He set his book on the table, then reached under the couch cushion and pulled out another dildo. This one was smaller in size, much more reasonable, and red. “I got this one too.”

“That’s better, I guess.” He took it from Adam and examined it closer. It was similar in size with Edge’s own erect penis, and the thought made him flush.

“That should be our next album cover, you holding the both of those in hand,” Adam suggested. Edge rolled his eyes, and then headed back into his room. He threw the dildos in his drawer for now, not sure what else to do with them, and then frowned. There was a videotape sitting in the drawer. He picked it up and looked at it. It was unlabelled, and curious, he slipped it into his player and hit play. He’d expected home videos or maybe a movie. He had not expected to see a man with a cock in his mouth. He hit stop, and stared at the blank television screen. “James also gave me some gay pornography.”

Edge glanced up at Adam, standing in the door with an amused look on his face. “Jesus, Adam.”

“I didn’t expect you to find it so soon,” Adam admitted with a laugh. “He also wrote down some notes that you might find useful.”

“And where are they?” Adam pointed at Edge’s bedside table. There was a notebook next to his lamp. He picked it up and opened it. The first thing he saw was the word enema, and it was underlined twice. He shut the notebook quickly, and shook his head. “Jesus, Adam.”

“This house is becoming a perverted mess,” Adam agreed. He came and sat down next to Edge on the bed. “Did you and Bono talk about-”

“He won’t with you,” Edge said quickly.

Adam nodded. “Well, that’s a load off.”

“For you it is. It’s me or nothing, it seems.”

“You mean-”

“I don’t know, Adam, I don’t. Sometimes I think that maybe he, I don’t know.” Edge shook his head.

Adam sat quietly next to him for a while, looking deep in thought, and Edge waited for a pearl of wisdom to leave his mouth, to give him some sort of guidance, but in the end he reached out and squeezed Edge’s shoulder. “You’ll figure it out.” He got up and shut the door quietly behind him, leaving Edge with nothing but his thoughts.

 


	6. The Problem At Hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life is ruining me at the moment and I'm struggling getting either the time or energy to write this fic. But I will endure!

Adam was back and forth from the bathroom to his bedroom, and Edge listened to his footsteps from the couch. He’d gone through Adam’s video collection a few times before grabbing one at random and putting it on. He’d landed on Tootsie, and it was at least thirty minutes into the movie before he could admit to himself that he really wasn’t paying attention. His thoughts were wandering, stuck on the day, stuck on the past few weeks, and when Adam suddenly sat down next to him, he nearly jumped off the couch. “Shit!”

“Sorry,” Adam said, though he didn’t look the least bit sorry. “Engrossed in the movie, were we?”

“Something like that.”

Adam glanced at the television then back to Edge, a smirk covering his face. “What’s happened so far?”

Edge looked at the screen for answers, and came up short. “There was something about a tomato and then he put on a dress, I don’t know.”

Adam laughed. “That about sums it up, I suppose. Anyway, I better be leaving.”

“Right, you got that date. With, uh.”

“Jane,” Adam supplied as he stood.

“Jane.” Edge nodded. “Jane, right.”

Adam frowned down at him, and then shook his head. “Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow probably. There’s some leftover pasta sauce in the fridge for dinner if you’d like.”

“Thanks, Mum.”

Adam cuffed him behind the ear and then headed for the door. He waited a few minutes, until well after he couldn’t hear Adam’s car anymore, before getting up and turning off the movie. Another time, perhaps. He wandered the house for a while, contemplating picking up the phone or even getting in his car and going for a drive. He nixed the idea and ended up in the kitchen. There was a half drunk bottle of vodka on the counter, and Edge poured himself a glass and flicked on the radio before opening the door of the refrigerator. He bypassed the pasta sauce completely and pulled out a couple of eggs and a bottle of milk, and after a second glance the bacon came out also.

He sliced up the bacon into little pieces and tossed them into the frypan on low, then cracked a couple of eggs into a bowl and added some milk. The phone rang while he was beating the eggs, and he let it nearly ring out before reaching over and answering. “Hello?”

“I was about to give up,” Larry said dryly.

“Yeah, I wanted to finish beating my eggs.”

“Beating your – are you baking a cake, Edge?”

Edge cradled the phone against his shoulder and poured the mix into the pan, then turned up the heat a bit. “I’m making scrambled eggs, you knob.”

“For dinner? Is that all?”

“I had a big lunch.” Edge grabbed a wooden spoon and began to pull the eggs across the pan. “And I threw in some bacon.”

“It sounds delicious. Are you listening to REO Speedwagon?”

Edge paused. He hadn’t really been paying attention to the radio. “Seems like it.”

Larry chuckled. “I seem to remember you and Bono having a singalong to them one night in front of the jukebox.”

“Really? I don’t recall that at all.” Edge flicked off the heat and opened the cupboard above his head for a plate.

“Mmm, I’m not surprised, you were both three sheets to the wind and then some.”

“That doesn’t sound at all like us.”

“Whatever you say, Edge. Anyway, I was actually looking for Adam.”

“He’s out with Jane.”

“Jane, which one is she? The redhead?”

“No, I think she’s blonde actually.”

“Who am I thinking of?”

“Julia?”

“Oh, Julia, that’s right. She was lovely. Well, tell Adam I rang when you see him next, would you?”

Edge rolled his eyes. “Of course, Larry, since I am Adam’s secretary and all.”

“Maybe you should start looking for your own place then?” Larry suggested.

“I’ll let him know, now go away, my eggs are going cold.”

“We wouldn’t want that, would we? I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Bye.” Edge hung up the phone with a smile, and then transferred his eggs from pan to plate. He stood in the middle of the kitchen and ate his eggs, then took a huge gulp from his glass. The vodka burned on the way down and Edge put the glass to the side and threw the rest of the dishes into the sink and turned on the tap. He took another gulp, finishing the glass, and then eyed off the rest of the bottle. It was a bad idea.

He refilled his glass anyway.

It was still too early to consider going to bed, and he watched mindless television for about an hour, but he found his way into his room eventually, dishes done and time wasted; he was on his third glass, and he was feeling a bit giddy. He looked through his drawers and cupboard for something to do, not really sure what he was searching for, and landed on a photo album. It was full of pictures of Aislinn and him, and he put it back carefully and went to sit on his bed. The notepad was lying on his pillow, and Edge spared it a glance. He wasn’t really sure what to do with it, with any of it; whether he should still read up and get some information to pass on to Bono in the hopes that he might change his mind, whether he should pass it all on completely to Bono and hope that Ali wouldn’t disown him, or whether to just forget about it.

In the end, curiosity got the better of him and he flipped to the first page. He quickly moved past the parts about enemas and started to read. There was nothing that really surprised him too much, not much that he couldn’t have figured out on his own, or didn’t already know from prior conversations with James or from picking up a book or two. He put the notepad down, feeling slightly disappointed by the whole thing, and he couldn’t exactly pinpoint why. He flopped down onto the bed with a sigh, idly rubbing at his stomach. There was that feeling again, the urge to reach out and make a phone call. Jordan and Eve would have certainly been put to bed by now, and Edge wondered what Bono was doing with his time. Had he gone out? Had he stayed home with Ali and taken her to bed?

Edge stilled his hand on his stomach at the thought, and sat up. It wasn’t a thought he should be entertaining, he knew, and he reached over and grabbed Bono’s Pablo Neruda book. He’d not had a chance to read anymore since they’d been in California, and he’d barely read any then. He turned to the first page and began to read.

It didn’t take him long to get a sense of sex from some of the writings, and it wasn’t really helping his mood. Heat was pooling in his groin, and he reached for his glass and drank.  The house was silent, and he knew Adam was going to be gone for hours. He put the book aside and drummed his fingers on his thigh, staring at the television. He was curious, he was a bit tipsy, and he was more than a little horny. He wasn’t sure if what was in his VCR would help him, but at the very least, he might learn a few more things that hadn’t been written down in the notepad. He picked up his remote and hit rewind; sure that the brief scene he’d seen earlier had not been from the beginning. He was proven correct, and while the VCR whirred he got up and went and to double check that the front door was locked. He went to the toilet and got a glass of water, then came back and turned on his television before settling back onto the bed.

The video had stopped rewinding, and Edge had to steady himself before pressing play. There was a man, dark hair and clothed, innocuously laying in a bed reading a book. Another man entered the room, this one blonde and clothed and they began to speak. The sound was turned down and Edge could barely make out what they were saying. He thought it was probably for the best; he’d seen more than his fair share of pornos in his time, and no matter how much they tried to have decent acting and a storyline, it never worked. He picked up the remote and hit fast forward. The two men sped up, talking and gesturing manically and it went on and on and Edge started to get a bit frustrated. But then the blonde was taking his clothes off, and the other guy was doing the same and Edge hit play with renewed interest.

They kissed for a while, hands here, there and everywhere, and then the blonde had the other guys cock in his mouth. This was where he’d landed on earlier, and he turned up the sound, just a little. Then he turned it up even more until the room was filled with moans. It was different, watching two men do such a thing. They responded to each other with ease, and Edge wondered if they were actors or if there was something more there. Were they lovers?

The man’s cock slipped out of the blonde's mouth with an obscene pop, and they were kissing again. Edge let out a moan, and his hand fell to his crotch. He started to lazily palm himself through his pants, his eyes fixed to the screen. The blonde was kissing his way down the other man’s chest, past his navel, past his cock and spreading his cheeks. He pressed his lips against sensitive skin, and then tongued at his opening. “Jesus,” Edge said, and undid his pants. He hurriedly slipped a hand in and began to stroke at his erection. The blonde was sucking and licking, and he had a finger inside the other man now, slowly pumping it in and out while the guy keened. “Jesus,” Edge gasped. He pulled his hand from his cock, as hard as it was, and pushed down at his jeans and underwear until he could kick them both to the floor. “Jesus!” Edge shouted, and leapt for the blanket to cover himself.

Adam seemed indifferent about the whole thing from his stance just inside the door. He looked down at Edge’s abandoned pants, then at the television, and then back to Edge with a knowing grin.

“I-I didn’t hear you come in,” Edge managed to get out, once he had the blanket in place. He reached for the remote – the room still full of moans and groans and wet sounds that could not be mistaken for anything else – but Adam got there first. He sat down on the bed, remote in hand, and looked back at the television. The sounds continued and Edge had half a mind to go and drown himself.

“I figured as much.”

Edge stared at him. Adam was just sitting there, watching. He wasn’t going anywhere, and he wasn’t stopping the damn movie, and Edge couldn’t bring himself to look back at the television. He cleared his throat, a little awkward. “What happened to Jane?”

“She wasn’t for me.” There was a beat and then Adam exhaled. “Jesus, look at them go.”

Edge glanced up impulsively, and was greeted with the sight of the blonde balls deep in the other guy. He looked away quickly, his face red hot, but he could hear it now, the slap of skin against skin, and Adam was still sitting there staring. Edge wanted to leave. Or really, he wanted Adam to leave. He was still as hard as a rock and leaking, and he had half a mind to kick Adam in the back. Instead, he did nothing, just stared at the blanket covering him, while every moan that left a mouth caused his groin to throb. He had to get his own place. “Adam.”

“Yeah?”

“Can you stop it?” Adam sighed, but he hit the stop button and dropped the remote on the covers. The room went silent and Edge leaned back against the pillows, his hands coming up to rub at his face. “Thank you.” He let his hands drop, and Adam was looking at him. The smile was gone, replaced with a peculiar expression that Edge just couldn’t figure out. It made his chest lurch and left him with a deeply uncomfortable feeling. “What?”

“I’m sorry, mate.” The way he said it, Edge got the feeling he was sorry for something other than walking in on him. He didn’t want to probe any further though, just shook his head and pointed at the door.

“Can you fuck off now?”

Adam nodded mutely, and stood up. He picked up Edge’s pants and lay them on the end of the bed, then shut the door behind him. Edge stared at the closed door, waiting for it to open again, and after a minute or so he figured he was safe. He reached for the remote and ran his finger over the play button, but he couldn’t bring himself to press it. He set the remote on top of his book and let out a frustrated groan. He was done for the night, no matter what his penis was trying to tell him.

It took him over twenty minutes to build up the courage and lose the erection, but he ended up putting his pants on and timidly walking out of his bedroom. Adam was at the dinner table, rolling an empty bottle of beer in between his hands. He looked deep in thought, staring at the wall, and he didn’t notice Edge until Edge was nearly upon him. He jumped slightly, but his shoulders quickly relaxed and he offered a warm smile.

“Larry rang for you while you were out,” Edge offered by way of greeting.

“What did he want?”

Edge shrugged. “Didn’t say, just asked me to tell you.” He pointed at the bottle in Adam’s hand. “Do you want another one?”

“I won’t say no.” Edge headed into the kitchen and pulled a couple of beers out of the fridge. Adam had put away his dishes that he’d left drying by the sink, and Edge couldn’t help but smile. He grabbed the bottle opener and put it to good use, then went and handed one of the bottles to Adam before sitting down. “Cheers,” Adam said and they clinked their bottles together. Adam took a long pull of his drink, and Edge continued to nurse his. He sighed and Adam set his bottle down on the table. “Are you alright?”

Edge gnawed at his lip. They had to talk about it, but he wasn’t exactly sure how to breach the subject. “Look, Adam. Uh.”

“Edge, you don’t have to explain yourself to me. It’s not like I haven’t caught you before. Or you’ve caught me. Or Larry.” He shook his head and laughed. “You know, I’ve walked in on Bono so many times over the years.”

Edge felt his neck go hot, and he took a long swig of his beer. Adam waited patiently for him to finish, and gave a reassuring smile. “This sort of thing just happens, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“Yes, but-” Edge cut himself off with the shake of his head. He expected Adam to jump in, to say something helpful or even something to make it worse, but there was just silence. Edge took a deep breath. “I mean, you know. I know we’ve all – before, but.”

“But?”

“The video!” Edge exclaimed.

Adam leaned back in his seat. “Oh, that.”

“Yes, that.”

“Who cares?” Edge looked at him incredulously, but Adam just shrugged and reached for his bottle. He had a drink, then gave Edge a smile. “Edge, I took notes about how to fuck a man today and brought not one, but two sex toys and a pornographic tape home for you. Not to mention a few of the discussions we’ve had over the past couple of days. Do you really think I could give a shit what you get off to?”

“But it wasn’t meant to be for that!” Edge insisted, but he was fighting a losing battle, and it wasn’t even really a battle at all. Adam’s face said it all; he really couldn’t give a shit. “You really don’t care?”

Adam shrugged again. “Watch what you want, fuck who you want, you’re still my best friend.”  Edge smiled, his body relaxing into the chair. “I mean, there are probably a few people out there who you shouldn’t fuck, but if you ever wanted to fuck a guy specifically, then maybe you should.” Adam reached for his bottle once more, and there was a hidden smile just before he brought it to his lips that Edge just couldn’t miss. He let Adam’s words run through his mind a few times, and then gave him a look.

“What exactly are you saying, Adam?”

Adam swallowed, and raised a casual hand, but he was still grinning. “I’m not saying anything.”

Edge stared at him. “You think I should do it. With Bono. You think I should, with Bono?”

“I didn’t say anything.” Adam stood up, snagged his beer in hand and headed towards the kitchen. Edge watched him go, dumbfounded for a second, and then he was shoving his own chair back and following him.

“That’s what you meant though, isn’t it? You want me to fuck him?”

“I don’t want you to do anything, Edge!” Adam set his beer bottle by the sink and grabbed the near empty bottle of vodka. He pushed past Edge and opened the cupboard. “It’s none of my business.”

Edge snorted. “Oh, of course not.”

Adam slammed down a glass on the counter. He looked at Edge, and Edge regretted even opening his mouth. “You’re the one that involved me, Edge,” he said coolly. Edge nodded, his gaze finding the floor. There was a silence, and then Adam sighed. “Look, I don’t want to fight about this. I just think you need to do some thinking.”

“About what?”

“About a lot of things, mate.” Adam closed the cupboard door and then stepped close to Edge. He cupped a hand around the back of Edge’s neck. “I think I’ll go to bed.” Edge nodded, and let himself be pulled into a hug. Adam was smiling at him when he stepped away, and Edge smiled back weakly. “I’ll see you in the morning?”

“Yeah. Night.”

He stood there until he heard the bathroom door close, and then he went and grabbed his bottle from the kitchen table. He poured what was left down the sink and set it beside Adam’s bottle, then grabbed the glass Adam had set out and emptied the contents of the vodka bottle into it. His mouth was dry, and he took a sip before heading into the living room and sitting on the lounge. He wanted to pick up the phone, but it was late, too late, so he just sat down and stared at the blank television screen. 


	7. Sixty Seconds in Kingdom Come

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my, was this chapter a roller coaster. I could have actually continued it and I very nearly did, but it's well past 1am and time for bed.

Edge could feel his eyes glazing over, and it wasn’t just from the lack of sleep.  He wasn’t really sure what was happening on the cartoon, but Hollie seemed into it. She was sitting forward in her seat, staring intently at the screen, only managing to tear her eyes away when Edge yawned. She gave him an almost dirty look, and he smiled sheepishly in return. “It’s interesting, I swear,” he said. Adam was talking to someone on the phone in the background, and Edge assumed it was Larry, but he could barely hear over the din of the television. He did hear his name mentioned more than once, Bono’s too, and he badly wanted to get up and find out what they were talking about. He stayed put next to his daughter though, and watched the cartoon with her.

They had lunch together – plain cheese sandwich for Hollie, cheese, ham and tomato for Adam and Edge – and then Hollie and Edge said goodbye and left the house. He was just about to unlock the car when he heard a car pulling up. Hollie’s eyes lit up, and Edge grabbed her hand before she decided to make a run towards the moving car. He waited until Bono opened his door before letting her go, and she rushed towards him. Edge followed, at a slower pace. “Uncle B!”

Bono let himself be hugged, but set his gaze on Edge. “Who is this beautiful young woman, Edge? It couldn’t be Hollie, she’s much too grown up to be Hollie.”

“But it is me,” Hollie protested. Bono squinted down at her through his glasses, and then let out a gasp.

“So it is!” He scooped her up with a laugh and kissed her cheek. “You’ll be as tall as me soon.”

“That wouldn’t be hard,” Edge said. Bono gave him the finger behind Hollie’s back and then set her down on the ground. “We were just going to see a movie, actually.”

“Really?” Bono looked down at Hollie. “What movie?”

“Beauty and the Beast!”

Bono screwed his face up. “Hasn’t that been out for months?”

Edge shrugged. “Hollie wanted to see it with me, and they’re still showing it.”

“Do you wanna come?” Hollie piped up, and Edge and Bono both looked at each other hesitantly. “Please?”

“If it’s alright with dad,” Bono relented.

 Hollie immediately turned her attention towards Edge, and Edge sighed. He had wanted a nice, quiet day out with Hollie, with as little attention or complications as possible, but he knew he was stuck. “Of course. But I’m driving.”

Bono grinned and locked his car.

Hollie spent the entire drive chattering away to Bono from the backseat, about school and her friends and a pair of shoes she really wanted. Bono listened patiently, and Edge couldn’t help but laugh. It was good experience for what he would soon be facing with Jordan and Eve.

Bono pocketed his sunglasses before getting out the car, and there were murmurs in the lobby and people outright staring. Bono paid no heed to them, just went to look at the movie posters with Hollie while Edge took care of the tickets. He was glad to be home, he had to admit. People generally left them alone in Dublin. He got some popcorn, for Bono more than himself or Hollie, and grabbed a couple of colas.

The cinema was practically empty with a few people scattered towards the front, and Edge wasn’t surprised. The movie had been out for a while. They sat in the back row, and Edge ended up in the middle with the popcorn. Hollie watched the movie as intently as she had watched her cartoon, and Edge tried to concentrate, but his mind kept wandering. Bono’s hand constantly snaked to the popcorn between his legs, and Edge eventually just handed the box over. He felt Bono’s gaze on him, but when he turned to look, Bono was watching the screen.

 He turned back towards the movie, intent on absorbing at least some of it so he could discuss it with Hollie afterwards, and after a few minutes he felt Bono’s hand land on his thigh. “Build me that library, Edge?” His breath was hot against Edge’s ear, and when Edge turned to face him, their noses nearly brushed. A lazy smile appeared on Bono’s face and Edge found his gaze lingering on it, the way his lips curved against his teeth, if only for a moment.

His eyes met Bono’s, and he shook his head. “No,” he whispered.

Bono practically pouted, and Edge turned back towards the screen, trying to hide his smile and failing. He wasn’t surprised when Bono leaned his head against Edge’s shoulder. He was slightly taken aback when Bono rubbed at his thigh and then squeezed, just under the knee. “I’ll be good,” he murmured.

“No, you won’t.”

Bono hummed in his ear, his thumb drawing circles against Edge’s jeans. Edge kept his eyes forward. He didn’t know what Bono was playing at, didn’t know if he was joking or trying to get a rise or what, and Edge had half a mind to pull him out of the cinema and scream at him. At the very least, he knew he should tell Bono to stop. Push his hand away. Instead, he did nothing, and let Bono tip toe his fingers further up his thigh. “I’ll be bad then.”

Edge swallowed. His fingers were getting higher and higher, his breath coming out quick against Edge’s neck, and then his lips were there, pressing wetly right below Edge’s ear. “Bono-”

“Daddy,” Hollie hissed, and Bono’s hand went lax against his thigh.

“Sorry, love.”

Hollie frowned at him for a moment, then turned her attention back to the screen. Edge swallowed again. His heart was hammering in his chest, and Bono still had his hand on his thigh. Was still leaning his head against Edge’s shoulder. Edge shifted slightly, but Bono didn’t budge. He didn’t want to shove him off, didn’t want Hollie to see him do that, so he did nothing.

Hollie was ecstatic about the movie in the car, and Edge nodded along dumbly and hoped he said the right things in response. Her good mood didn’t falter, so he figured he was doing alright. Bono was silent in the seat beside him, though he did get out to hug and kiss Hollie goodbye. Aislinn was waiting in the doorway, and she waved at the both of them as Hollie skipped past her into the house.

The drive back to Adam’s was quiet. Bono seemed lost in his own thoughts, looking out the window, and that was just fine with Edge. He wasn’t sure what to say to him yet, whether he wanted to yell at him or just ask him outright what the hell he was thinking. He just hoped that the cinema had been dark enough to hide his arousal.

Adam’s car was gone when they got back, and Edge half expected Bono to just get in his own car and leave. But he followed Edge inside and immediately headed for the kitchen. Edge trailed after him and noticed the note stuck to the refrigerator before Bono did.

_Gone to Mum and Dads. Please eat the pasta sauce before it turns!_

“I’m full on popcorn,” Bono remarked from over his shoulder. Edge screwed up the note and tossed it in the bin. He opened the refrigerator and pulled out a beer for himself.

“I’ll have it for dinner.”

“Can I stay?”

Edge turned to face him. Bono had pulled himself up onto the counter, his hands folded in his lap. His face was blank, but he couldn’t hide the tension in his shoulders. Edge set the bottle onto the counter and shook his head. “Can you – Bono, what the fuck?”

“Edge-”

“No, shut up. My daughter, my fucking daughter was sitting right next to me, Bono! What were you thinking? Are you high?”

“I'm not-”

“You had no right, Bono, none.” Bono was staring down at the ground, and he had the decency to look ashamed of himself. “What were you thinking?”

“I don’t know!” Bono exclaimed. “I don’t know why I do some of the things I do.”

Edge rolled his eyes. “Do you really think that’s going to work on me? I know you!”

“I don’t, I don’t know why, Edge, I just-”

“Look, I might believe that when you’re on stage doing your stupid impulsive things, but you are not going to convince me that you didn’t know what the fuck you were doing today, so just stop it.” Bono sniffed, and then he was silent. His hand was rubbing back and forth across his mouth, and he looked miserable. Edge sighed. He scrubbed at his face, took a couple of deep calming breaths and then stepped up close so that Bono had to look at him.  “You need to talk to me, alright?”

Bono let his hand fall back to his lap, and licked his lips. He shook his head and let out a short laugh aimed towards the ceiling. “I can’t.”

“You can grope me in the cinema, but you can’t talk to me.”

“I wouldn’t exactly classify that as groping.”

“What would you classify it as then?”

Bono said nothing, just looked over at the wall. Edge stared at him, waiting, and when he got nothing he threw his hands up and walked away. He headed for his room, wanting to take off his shoes and almost confident that Bono would follow him eventually. He had barely unlaced his first shoe when Bono moseyed into the room. Edge continued taking his shoes off, ignoring Bono even when he sat down next to him. He set his shoes neatly next to the bed, and waited. He didn’t have to wait long. “I want you to change your mind.”

Edge nodded. He wasn’t surprised really, had figured it was something along those lines. “And you thought that was the right way to go about it?”

“I don’t know.”

“Yes you do.”

Bono huffed out a breath. “What do you want me to say, Edge? I’m sorry, I fucked up. I’m just, I’m so fucking frustrated, alright? Maybe I went the wrong way about it, maybe I chose the wrong place, but I just needed to get it out there.”

“You should have just talked to me.”

Bono looked at him sharply. “Would that have worked?”

“No, but it would have been better.” Bono pursed his lips, his eyes finding the bedspread. Edge sighed. “Look, Adam thinks that I-”

“ _Adam_ thinks?” Bono cut in, and Edge froze. “Adam thinks what? Did you tell him?” Bono glanced at Edge for all of a second, and then shoved him, hard. “You bastard. Edge, how you could do that?”

“I thought it might help!”

“How? Does Larry know?”

Edge shook his head fiercely. “No, I told Adam in confidence, he wouldn’t tell Larry.”

“I told _you_ in confidence.” Bono leaned forward, his face in his hands. He let out a frustrated groan, and Edge suddenly felt like the biggest wanker on the planet. He raised a hand to pat Bono on the back, then thought better of it and let it drop back down to his lap.

“I was trying to help you, and it slipped out. I thought that if I couldn’t do it, then Adam might be able to. And he didn’t say no to the idea, but then you did, and now it’s out there.”

Bono dropped his fingers enough that he could glance sideways at Edge. “Adam wanted to fuck me?”

Edge shrugged. “He didn’t say no to the idea.”

“Adam considered fucking me?” Bono looked completely bewildered by the idea, and Edge very nearly started laughing. He held it in because he knew it would have been borderline hysterical.

“Well, I don’t know, he seemed pretty relieved when I told him you weren’t into him that way.” Bono still had that look on his face, and Edge couldn’t help but smile. “But he’s been very helpful. He went to see James about it-”

“ _James_ knows?”

“No, no, Adam said it was for him.”

Bono frowned. “What was for him?” Edge bit his lip. He could have just outright told Bono, but he thought it would be much more effective to show him. And maybe he was still a bit annoyed about the whole cinema troubles. He reached over to open his drawer, pulled out the giant dildo and handed it to Bono. Bono took it in hand and stared at it. He wobbled it in the air a little, then let it drop to his lap and turned his gaze to Edge. “Edge, I could beat a man senseless with this. In fact, I’m considering it right now.”

“It’s not that big.”

“Not that big?” Bono waved the dildo in Edge’s face. “I think it would be easier to be penetrated by a horse.”

“Alright, it’s a bit big, but he didn’t have anything smaller.”

“So you took it anyway?”

Edge smirked, and Bono gave him a look that told Edge the jig was up. He opened the drawer and pulled out the other dildo.  “I just wanted to see your reaction.” Bono glowered at him for a moment, then tossed the offending dildo towards Edge before snatching the other one from his hand. Edge put the giant dildo back in the drawer. “Is that a bit more reasonable?”

Bono looked at it closely, like it held all of life’s hidden secrets, and then looked at Edge. “Edge, I don’t know. I told you, it’s about the connection more than anything.”

Edge shifted in his seat. It made him uncomfortable hearing Bono say things like that, knowing that Bono was referring to him. “Well, I know that. But part of it still has to be about the – this, right?”

Bono cleared his throat, and looked back at the dildo. He licked his lips and nodded. “I can’t take this home with me.”

Edge frowned. “Ali knows though.”

“I still can’t take it home with me. It’s one thing for her to know, it’s another thing to, and Jordan’s at that age where she’s just pulling everything out, Edge. _Every_ thing.” He laughed, a faraway look on his face, and Edge wondered if he was imagining Jordan interrupting a dinner party with dildo in hand. Edge certainly was. He thought that perhaps he should remind Bono that he was a rock star, and those sorts of things were expected of him, but Bono seemed pretty dead set against the idea.

“You could try it here.” It slipped out of his mouth without thinking, and Edge was surprised at himself. Though it wasn’t like they’d never discussed masturbation before. Edge had even heard Bono, back when they shared rooms and Bono thought he was asleep. And once, when they were both drunk and he was sure Bono knew he was still awake.

Bono raised his eyebrows. “What, now? Ten minutes ago you were screaming at me and now you’re throwing this at me?”

“I’m not saying now!” Edge exclaimed, but even as he said it, his mind started to protest. “Well, maybe. Adam’s not home.”

Bono stared at him, his hand flexing around the dildo. “You want me to do this now?”

“I don’t want you to do anything, Bono,” Edge said. “But if you’re frustrated-”

“You think I’m frustrated sexually?” Bono laughed, and shook his head. He averted his gaze though, and exhaled loudly. “It is possible that Ali and I haven’t been seeing eye to eye in the last few days.”

It explained more than a few things, but Edge didn’t let on. He just shrugged, and watched as Bono mulled it all over. He never thought he would have considered suggesting this to Bono, and his heart was thumping hard in his chest.

“Alright,” Bono said softly and Edge blinked. “If you’re sure.”

Edge looked at him, and he nodded. And then Bono was on his feet and kneeling in front of Edge’s bedside table. He opened the second drawer and shuffled through books and tapes before pulling out a bottle of lube. Edge’s mouth fell open. “How did you-”

“I know more shit about you than you would think, Edge.” Edge closed his mouth. Bono was standing over him looking flushed, but he had an anxious look on his face. Edge had a feeling he wanted to say more, so he stood up and told Bono to wait there. He got a clean towel from the bathroom cupboard - the biggest he could find - and headed back into his room.

Bono watched him lay the towel on the bed. “In here?”

“It would be pretty strange to use Adam’s room, wouldn’t it?” Edge replied, and smoothed the towel out. He felt jittery, like he’d drank too much coffee, and he smoothed out the towel one more time.

“Oh,” Bono said.

Edge glanced at him, waiting for Bono to expand on that, but Bono just stood there staring at the towel. Edge cleared his throat. “Alright, you’re all set here I suppose. I’ll be in the other room if you need me for, well, whatever.”

“Oh,” Bono said once more, and this time his voice was flat. He sat down on the bed, still holding both the dildo and the lube, and it made quite an image. Bono looked lost though, and it had come on suddenly.

“What is it?”

Bono shook his head. “Nothing. You’ll be in the other room if I need anything.”

Edge frowned, but Bono looked up and smiled at him. It was thin, but it was a smile. “Yeah. Just, be careful alright?”

“Careful? Edge, I’m not jumping out of a plane here.”

“You know what I mean,” Edge said gently, and Bono’s smile grew slightly bigger. Edge made for the door and paused, wondering if he should say it or not. Bono looked at him expectantly, and Edge blew out a long breath. “There’s some porn in the player, if you’re interested.” He shut the door without another word and walked blankly towards the couch and sat down. It was mad, the whole thing was fucking insane, and his heart was like a jackhammer in his chest. It had seemed perfectly fine, standing there with Bono in the same room, but there was a door between them now and he could think. It was insane.

“Edge?”

Edge spun around and looked over the back of the couch. He hadn’t heard the door open, and Bono was looking at him with his hand still on the handle. “What?”

“Edge, why do you have gay pornography?” Bono asked sweetly.

Edge’s neck went hot. “Adam got it from James, alright?”

“Alright.” Bono cocked his head to the side, a sly smile on his face. “Did you watch it? It’s pretty far through.”

“Then rewind it,” Edge retorted.

“Alright.” Bono closed the door behind him, and Edge could still hear him laughing. The walls. Edge stood up quickly. The house had thin walls. He stared at the closed door and waited and soon enough, he could hear the low talking of the two men on the video. It was only going to get louder, and Bono was only going to follow. He looked around blindly, and his eyes landed on his Walkman. The headphones came on, and he turned it up loud. It was a tape leftover from one of their Hansa studio sessions, and he’d already listened to it a few times looking for something to work with, but it was better than nothing. He sat back down on the couch and let the noise wash over him.

It was him playing the same tune over and over again, trying to find a sound, and it was almost relaxing. He settled back into the couch, trying to focus on the music, and it was close to ten minutes before Bono came in; softly at first, singing nonsense words, and then stronger. Edge rubbed at his eye, and then rubbed at his leg. Bono’s voice was in his ears, and he couldn’t help it, he looked over his shoulder towards the closed door like he half expected to be able to see something scandalous. He saw a plain white door, but he knew what was behind it.

Bono was definitely naked by now. Edge couldn’t help himself, couldn’t help but wonder how far Bono had gotten. He slammed his hand down on his thigh, but his mind kept wandering. Had Bono used his fingers first, or had he just gone straight on and tried it with the dildo? Edge squeezed his eyes shut, but he was picturing it. On his back, and fingers at first, Edge could see it now. He had told him to be careful, after all. Though it was like Bono to jump straight in and not worry about the consequences. Maybe he had gone straight with the dildo, with his legs spread and one hand stroking his cock. “Fuck,” Edge whispered, or thought he had. He might have shouted it, the music was so loud. He shook his head, trying to clear it, but it was no use. He couldn’t stop thinking about it. He’d been hard in the cinema, and he was hard now, wondering what the fuck it all meant.

Edge was on his feet before he could even consider getting up, and he walked towards his bedroom, then doubled back, hesitating, before finally turning around and going to stand by the door. He paused for a second, chastising himself mentally, and then hit the stop button on his Walkman. He swallowed, then slid the headphones from his head and leaned in close. It was wrong. It was so wrong.

He expected to hear the sounds of the porn video, but there was silence. Edge nearly stepped back, worried that he was about to get busted, but then he heard it; a moan. It was low and throaty and unmistakably Bono. Edge breathed in deeply through his nose, and pressed his ear against the door. There was a short bout of silence, and then another moan, this one higher and longer. Another one soon followed, and then another and Edge bit his lip. He had to stop himself from reaching for the door handle, and then he heard a breathy gasp from the next room. Edge stepped back and stared at the door, then went and flung his Walkman onto the couch before heading towards the bathroom.

He turned the water on full and flung his shirt into the bath, then struggled out of his pants and very nearly forgot to take his socks off before stepping under the boiling hot water. He had the presence of mind to close the shower curtain behind him and adjust the water to a bearable temperature before grasping his erection in hand and stroking it desperately. “Shit, shit.” He squeezed his eyes shut and came hard after only a few strokes, his legs trembling and his hand pressed up against the glass.

The water beat down against his back as he struggled to breathe normally, though it took a while. He opened his eyes and immediately spotted the remains of his come still streaking the glass. He stared at it, wide eyed, and then cupped his hands under the water and washed it away. He stood there, under the water, staring at the glass. He’d just come in less than thirty seconds. He had just come after listening to Bono masturbate in his own fucking bed.

He was in serious trouble.

The bathroom door banged open and Edge jumped, nearly hitting his shoulder on the shower rack.  “Bono?”

There was a short silence and Edge wondered if he had heard him. “Yeah. Just stay in there, alright? Don’t look.”

Edge laughed, a little frantic. “Okay.” He didn’t look, but he listened, though he was distracted by the swimming in his head. There was more silence, and then he heard the toilet flush. The shower went cold briefly, and Edge had to stop himself from yelling out. Then he heard the sink running, and running, and Bono was still silent. It made Edge feel even more anxious. “How, how was it?”

“Fine,” Bono said after a beat, and the water shut off. “You can come out now, I’ll go make some tea I think.”

Edge waited for the door to shut before he let out the breath he’d been holding. He turned the water off and stood there for a moment before stepping out and grabbing his towel. He glanced at the sink and blinked. The dildo was lying on the hand towel, still wet from the cleaning Bono had given it. He stared at it. That thing had been inside of Bono, only minutes beforehand.

Edge chewed on his lip, still staring, and then gathered his clothes and exited the bathroom swiftly.

 

 


	8. Heat of the Moment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got stuck. I got so stuck. This chapter, I wrote a lot more of tonight but I'm gonna redo it. I think it's a good place to leave it

He could smell Bono in his room, and not just the cologne that he wore. Edge could _smell_ Bono, and it wasn’t really helping the situation. He knew he should get dressed and go out there, but he could smell Bono and couldn’t drag his eyes from the bed. The towel was gone, and since it wasn’t in the bathroom, Edge figured Bono had thrown it in the laundry. Not that Bono really knew what the laundry was. The bed was slightly rumpled still, and one of his shirts was lying on the pillow. Edge picked it up and looked at it. It was the shirt he had worn the day before, and he had left it on his chair, he was sure of it. Bono must have picked it up and moved it to the bed. While he had been-

Edge gaped at the shirt. Had Bono used his shirt? He looked it over frantically, and found nothing, no offending stains. Tentatively, he brought it up to his nose and sniffed. It still smelled of his own cologne, but there was a whiff of Bono there too, and Edge sat down on the bed. Bono loved to smell things to get the full experience, and Edge knew, he just knew. His fingertips were tingling, and Edge found for a moment that he couldn’t get any air in. He had to get dressed and go out there before Bono came knocking, but it was a struggle to get off the bed. Bono had smelled his shirt while fucking himself, and Edge couldn’t even fault him. He’d been the one to stand outside and listen like a pervert.

There was a knock at the door, and Edge looked at it in alarm. “I’m naked,” he blurted, and threw the shirt back onto his pillow.

“That’s fascinating, do you want milk?” Bono called.

“Milk?”

“Yes, milk.”

“What?”

There was a pause, and then the door opened. Bono looked at him, bemused. “You’re wearing a towel.”

Edge frowned. “What about milk?”

Bono stared at him, his lips curving upwards. “Did you want milk in your tea?” he said patiently.

“Oh. Yes. A little.”

“How much is a little?”

Edge sighed. “Just leave it black, I’ll do it when I come out.”

“No, I’ve got it. Just a little milk.” Bono turned around and wandered back towards the kitchen, leaving the door wide open.

“I’ll be out in a minute, just leave it black,” Edge yelled after him. Bono didn’t respond, and Edge shook his head. He looked back at his shirt, and he felt warm.

Bono was on the phone when Edge finally emerged from his bedroom, feeling a little flighty. He was frowning at whatever was being said, and didn’t look up when Edge entered the room. Edge nearly took the chance to go back and hide in his bedroom, but he figured eventually Bono would come knocking again. Bono had a mug in his hand, and there was another one sitting next to the sink that Edge assumed was his. He picked it up and looked at it. It had milk, and too much of it. Edge shook his head, but started to drink it anyway.

“Maybe, I’m not sure,” Bono said, and Edge looked up. He was looking slightly agitated and Edge was torn between staying and leaving, but he was feeling a bit hungry so he put down his tea and opened the refrigerator. “I’ll ask him, okay?” Edge set the container of pasta sauce down on the counter and Bono glanced up at him. “I have to go, love.” He smiled gently at whatever Ali said in response. “You too. Bye.”

Edge watched Bono hang up the phone, then reached into the cupboard for a saucepan. He set it in the sink and turned on the water. “How’s Ali?”

Bono shrugged. “She wanted to know if you wanted to come round ours for dinner before tour starts up again.”

Edge watched the water slowly fill up the saucepan. He tried to breathe evenly, and failed. “Oh. Maybe. Yeah.”

He saw Bono shift out the corner of his eye, and turned the tap off and lifted the saucepan onto the stovetop. Bono was standing next to him, and Edge set the heat on low before turning to face him. Bono was studying him, his eyes searching, and Edge watched the way his hair fell in his face before turning back to the stove. “Alright, Edge?” Edge nodded, and he could feel Bono’s eyes on him still. “Okay. Can I help?”

“Can you get the pasta? It’s in the cupboard next to the freezer.”

Bono shuffled off and Edge added a bit of salt to the water before putting the lid on and turning the heat up slightly. “Do you want bows or spaghetti?” Edge glanced over his shoulder and found Bono holding the two packets in the air. He had an inquisitive look on his face and when Edge hesitated, Bono subtlety shook the packet of bowtie pasta. “I need you to make this choice for me, Edge.”

“I guess we’ll have to go with the bows," Edge said. 

Bono grinned and threw the other packet back in the cupboard none too gently. He shut the cupboard door then came and handed the packet of pasta to Edge. Edge set it on the counter. “Aren’t you going to put it in?”

“I’m waiting for the water to boil,” Edge murmured. He picked up his mug and took a sip, watching the water intently. Bono was fidgeting to his side, and Edge felt like the room was closing in on them.

He could smell Bono, just like he had smelled him in his bedroom, and then Bono was wrapping his hands around Edge’s mug and pulling it away from him. “What are- Bono!” Bono set the mug back down on the counter and then draped his arms around Edge’s neck. He pressed his lips against Edge’s cheek and then pulled him close. Edge stiffened, but Bono didn’t back away; if anything, he just tightened his hold. “Bono. Bono, the water is going to boil over.”

“Who cares?” Bono dropped his left arm down and pulled at Edge’s wrist until Edge gave in and wrapped his arms loosely around Bono’s back. He could feel Bono smile against his shoulder, and then Bono brought his arm back up and turned his face inwards. He breathed deeply. “You smell clean.”

Edge swallowed thickly. He felt numb, his brain running through a million thoughts at once, and all he could think to say was, “You don’t.” Bono just chuckled, and Edge could feel it against his skin.

“What do I smell like then?”

Edge shook his head minutely. He wasn’t about to delve into that. “The water, Bono. Come on.”

Bono reluctantly stepped back, but his gaze didn’t leave Edge until Edge told him to find something to drink.

They ate at the kitchen table with a glass of wine each, and Edge found that he wasn’t really hungry anymore. He picked at his food and set his fork down with a sigh more than once before picking it back up again and stabbing at a few more bows. When he looked up, Bono was looking at him thoughtfully. “What?”

“Don’t you want to know?”

“Know?”

Bono gestured in the general direction of Edge’s bedroom, and it took Edge a moment to click. He licked his lips uneasily; it wasn’t really a discussion he wanted to have so soon after, or even ever. He'd already pictured it in his mind, and the thought left his chest feeling tight. “You said it was fine.”

Bono ran a finger around the rim of his glass a few times, still looking at Edge with that same expression. “You weren’t at all curious if I was willing to expand on that?” Edge breathed deep through his nose, tapping his fingertips against the tabletop. Bono dropped his gaze briefly to watch his fingers move, and then looked back at Edge’s face. “I mean, you sought out those toys for me, aren’t you the least bit curious whether I came or not?”

Edge slammed his hand down on the table, and Bono jumped, almost knocking over his wine glass. “What is wrong with you today?” Edge snapped. Bono’s hand came up to run through his hair and he offered Edge a placating smile, but Edge wasn’t buying it. “I’m serious, Bono, I am not in the mood to deal with your whatever the hell this is _bull_ shit.”

Bono pursed his lips, studying Edge’s face for a moment, and then he nodded and stood up. Edge watched him leave the room and a few seconds later he heard the front door close. He sat there, staring at his half eaten plate of food and waited for the sound of Bono’s car, but there was silence. Edge downed his drink and gathered both his glass and his and Bono’s plate and dumped the leftovers in the bin before setting it all in the sink. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, hands against the counter. He knew he should do the dishes before the cheese set, but it didn’t really interest him. He just wanted to go climb into bed for the next eighteen hours and pretend like this day had never happened.

Bono’s mug was still sitting by the phone, mostly untouched, and it was stone cold by now. Edge poured the tea into the sink, emptied his own mug and then put the plug in and turned on the hot water. He added some detergent and the saucepan and container, and watched the water fill up to a reasonable level before turning the tap off and leaving them to soak.  Bono had left his wine glass nearly full and Edge picked it up and walked to the front door. He took a calming breath and then stepped outside.

Bono was sitting on the stoop with a cigarette between his fingers and his free arm wrapped around his midsection. Edge shut the door behind him and Bono started slightly, but didn’t look up until Edge was sitting down next to him. He smiled faintly, and took another drag of his cigarette.

“It’s cold out tonight,” Edge remarked.

Bono blew out a stream of smoke and shrugged. “I don’t mind.”

“Still, you should come inside.” Bono nodded. He stubbed his cigarette out on the stoop and Edge winced, hoping it didn’t leave a mark. He waited for Bono to get up, but he stayed put, staring at the fence in front of them. “You left your drink on the table.” He held out the glass and Bono blinked at it, and then took it with both hands. He took a large sip and then offered Edge another small smile before returning his gaze to the fence. Edge looked at it, wondering what had taken his attention so, but he didn’t see anything that sparked his interest.  He rubbed his hands together, for the warmth and because he didn’t know what else to do. Bono was skilled at sporadic mood swings most days, but today was different and Edge didn’t quite know how to handle it. He could barely handle himself.

“I’m extraordinarily tired, Edge.” Edge glanced at Bono. He’d set his glass down on the stoop and was leaning his elbows against his knees, his cheeks cupped between his hands. He flicked his eyes sideways to look at Edge, and raised his left shoulder in a half-hearted shrug. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Maybe you should go home to bed?” Edge suggested, though he knew that wasn’t the answer Bono was looking for.

Bono let out a short chuckle and turned his gaze skyward. “That’s not what I meant.”

“I know.”

“I don’t want to go home tonight.” Edge raised his eyebrows at Bono, and Bono shook his head. “I don’t mean it like that. I don’t even really know why, I just don’t want to tonight, you know?” Edge didn’t. Oh, he understood Bono on one level, the level that they all felt after returning from a tour, but it had been days and Bono had a wife and two babies to go home to. Edge would have killed for that again. He stayed silent though, knowing that his opinion would probably just aggravate the situation, and Bono eventually turned to him with a look in his eyes that shook Edge to the very core. It was a look that Edge had pictured in the shower, a look that he had been trying to get out of his head ever since. He bit his lip and then Bono was reaching out and taking Edge’s hands in his. Edge stared dumbly down at them. “Your hands are freezing.”

“Well, it’s cold.” Edge tried to pull away, but Bono just tightened his grip. “Bono, come on.” Bono just ignored him and brought their hands up to his mouth. For a moment Edge thought that Bono was going to bring them to his lips, but he paused before he could make contact. “What are you doing?”

Bono’s eyes met his, and then he began to gently blow against their hands. His breath was warm, and Edge couldn’t take his eyes away from their joined hands. Bono pulled slightly, and then his lips were pressed flush against Edge’s skin. He blew out another breath and Edge sucked in a shuddering one of his own. Bono was watching him still, and Edge’s face felt hot, too hot, despite the cool air. Bono pulled back enough to lick his lips, and then he was there, right there against Edge’s hand. He pressed a kiss against Edge’s skin, then tilted his head back slightly, letting his lower lip drag wetly up and over Edge’s first knuckle. Edge yanked his hands away, and Bono leaned back, running a finger over his lips thoughtfully. His gaze never left Edge’s face.

Edge felt shaken, like he couldn’t get enough air in. He stared wide eyed at Bono. “What the hell was that?”

Bono smiled forlornly at him. “Heat, Edge.” He picked up his wine glass and stood up, entering the house without another word. Edge sat there, stunned for a moment, before getting up himself and storming into the house.


	9. Smile, and Maybe Tomorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank fouroux for basically holding my hand through a lot of this. It's been a struggle some of it, but I feel like we're so close. And yet so far

He found Bono in the kitchen with the bottle of wine in his hand, filling up his glass like he hadn’t a care in the world, and Edge just wanted to scream at him. “What was that?”

“I told you.” Bono set the bottle down on the counter and then turned to face Edge. He raised his glass with a small smile, and Edge was across the room in seconds, crowding Bono up against the counter. Bono continued to look at him passively, and he lifted the glass to take a sip. Edge pulled the glass from his hand, wine sloshing over their hands and onto the ground. He ignored it, ignored Bono’s protests, and slammed the glass down on the counter so hard, he was surprised it didn’t shatter. They both looked at the glass for a moment, and when their eyes met, Bono’s face was full of trepidation. “Edge-”

“You listen to me, Bono,” Edge said, and Bono’s eyes flickered to Edge’s mouth then back up to his eyes. He opened his mouth to say something, and Edge pressed in closer until the cabinet was digging into Bono’s back. “ _Listen_.”

Bono pressed his lips together into a narrow line, and then he nodded. Edge could feel Bono’s breath against his cheek, coming out in short bursts from his nose, and he realized just how close they were; thighs pressed together and more. Edge took a step back and Bono brought his hand up to wipe at his mouth. Edge watched him, watched his shoulders sag and his eyes find a certain spot on the floor to focus on. “I’m listening.”

“Good.” Edge wasn’t sure where to go from there. His anger had slipped away quickly, like it often did, and he was left with a surprising sense of calm that he didn’t know what to do with. He looked at Bono avoiding his gaze, his body almost thrumming with nervous energy, and he brought his hand up to wipe against his shirt. It was no use, and the wine left his skin feeling sticky. He let his hand drop back to his side, and Bono looked at him expectantly, and the silence stretched on. Edge sighed, and rubbed at his forehead. “You can’t keep doing this, Bono.”

“I know,” Bono said softly, and Edge got the feeling they were talking about two completely different things. “I know that, and I’m trying.”

“Are you?” Bono fell silent again and he was still but for the tension in his jaw. “I feel like I’m being pressured here.”

“I’m not trying to pressure you into-”

“Don’t lie, you’re better than that.” Bono looked surprised at Edge’s words, and it lasted for only a fleeting second, then he was turning to grab his now half empty glass.  “This has been hard on me too, you know.”

Bono swallowed his mouthful and set the glass back down. “I know it is. I know it’s been hard.”

“I didn’t want this, Bono.”

Bono clenched his jaw, and then he nodded. Edge knew that what he had said had hurt Bono, but it was the truth. He hadn’t wanted all of this trouble, all of this confusion, and it had turned into one big saga that he couldn’t tear himself away from; no matter how much he tried. Bono pushed a few loose strands of hair behind his ear, and Edge couldn’t help but watch. No matter how much he tried. “And you think I did?”

“That’s not what-”

“I have Ali and the girls all wanting my attention, my time, and all I can focus on is this, Edge. I can’t stop myself, and it’s killing me. I just left today. I very nearly forgot to tell Ali that I was going, because I was in such a rush to get in the car and drive over here, Edge. I’ve been waiting for you both to throw me out on my arse, and you’d both be completely justified in doing so.” Bono shrugged, but Edge couldn’t help but notice how harsh he was blinking, the slight tremble in his hand as he reached once more for his wine glass. “I’m an arsehole,” he muttered, and downed the rest of the glass. Edge watched his throat work, and it took him a moment to place exactly what Bono had said to him.

“You’re not an arsehole.” Bono rolled his eyes and reached for the bottle, but Edge grabbed his wrist. “Come on, you’re not.” Bono looked at him sharply, in a way that made Edge feel like he was on display. He let go of Bono’s wrist and reached for the dishcloth. The floor was sticky, and Edge wiped at the wine until he was satisfied, then stood up and threw the cloth back into the sink. Bono was still looking at him, rubbing his lower lip back and forth over his teeth thoughtfully, and Edge watched until he couldn’t stand it anymore. “What?”

Bono just shook his head, and his hand came up to grasp at the back of Edge’s neck. Edge went to jerk away, but Bono was nothing if not persuasive, and he held him there until Edge relented. He waited until Edge looked up at him, and then bent forward so that their foreheads were touching. There was a smile on Bono's face and his thumb started rubbing small circles just above Edge’s collar. It felt nice, and Edge immediately knew that he was in trouble. He couldn’t help the small sigh that left his mouth and he knew that there was only one way for Bono to take it. The lewd smile that Bono gave him only confirmed that, and it sent shockwaves up and down his spine, and then Bono was pulling him closer. He pressed his lips against Edge's cheek and lingered until Edge let out a shaky breath, and then there was a smile full of teeth that Edge felt against his skin, and Bono dragged his mouth downwards until he found Edge's jaw.

He kissed Edge there with the barest of pressure and leaned his cheek against Edge’s shoulder. His free arm came up to wrap around Edge’s back, grasping at the material of his shirt, and then they were flush against each other and Edge was left with a single thought. “I’m sorry,” Bono murmured.

“What?” Bono chuckled, his breath ghosting over Edge’s neck and then his mouth was there, wet and eager, and Edge groaned as Bono’s tongue glided briefly over his skin. “Oh, fuck.”

“Have you thought about it, The Edge? About me like that?”

Edge swallowed harshly, and Bono breathed hotly against his neck. It went straight to his groin, and he knew he couldn’t lie, not when Bono was right there already knowing the answer. “Yes.”

“What did you think about?”

“I don’t know.”

Bono hummed against his skin, and his hand slid down until it was cupping Edge’s arse. Edge let out a moan. He was hard, pressed up against Bono’s hip, and Bono had to know. “I’ve seen you look at me, Edge.”

The front door opened in the distance and Bono jolted away with as much grace as he was capable of. His lips were shiny with spit and his eyes dark, and Edge couldn't tear his eyes away from him. He very nearly yelled out for Adam to fuck off and leave, but he couldn’t quite get in enough air to even make an attempt. “Honey, I’m home!” Adam called, and his footsteps were closing in. Bono's chest heaved, and he looked past Edge towards the door. “Did you get my note?”

Edge swallowed and turned to face the door just in time to see Adam step into the room. There was a smile on his face, but it dropped quickly when he saw the two of them. Edge didn’t have to wonder what they looked like to him, he could see it in Adam’s stare, in Bono’s flushed cheeks and in the rise and fall of his own shoulders. The silence seemed to stretch on, though Edge was sure it was only a few seconds, and then Adam cleared his throat. “Do you want me to leave?”

“No,” Bono said, and Edge glanced over at him. Their eyes met for a moment, and then Bono was shaking his head. “No, Adam.”

“We were just about to, uh.” Edge looked around the room, searching for an excuse, and landed on one. It was not much, but it was all he could muster. “Do the dishes.”

“Watch a movie,” Bono said simultaneously, and they looked back at each other. Bono shrugged, and wiped his mouth.

“Do the dishes and then watch a movie,” Edge said after a beat.

Adam didn’t look convinced, and Edge wasn’t surprised. Adam's eyes flickered back to Bono, an eyebrow went up and then he started towards the sink. “Why don’t you go pick a film, Bono, and I’ll help Edge here.” Bono frowned and Adam gave him a wry grin. “Unless you want to do the washing up?”

Edge could see Bono’s hesitation, and he felt like he was going to choke. Adam wasn’t stupid and Edge knew exactly what was coming. He wanted to leave; didn’t want to be stuck alone with Adam, and he was a bit anxious at the thought of being alone with Bono. He had a feeling where that might end up, and he felt like he could be sick from the adrenaline rushing through his body. He wanted to leave, but Bono was brushing past him and out the door before he could even consider walking out. His chest tightened, and Adam turned to him with a probing stare. “Don’t,” he said.

“Edge-”

“No.”

Adam huffed out an exasperated breath, and Edge readied himself for the questions he didn’t want to answer, but then Adam turned back and stuck his hands into the sink. “The water’s gone cold.”

Edge sagged against the counter and rubbed at his face. “I know,” he muttered, and reached for the tea towel. “I was soaking them.”

They found Bono sitting on the couch staring vacantly at the blank television screen, his shoes off and kicked carelessly under the coffee table. He was holding the remote loosely in his hand, and he looked up only when Adam walked in front of him to sit down in the armchair. Edge looked at Adam hard, but Adam just smiled and gestured at the couch. “So, what are we watching this evening, Bono?” he asked as Edge sat down.

Bono shrugged. “I just rewound whatever was already in the player.”

Adam smirked at Edge. “That could be an interesting choice in this house.”

Edge shook his head slowly at Adam, and Bono leaned back in his seat and gave Edge a sidelong glance. There was an amused little smile at play there, and Edge shifted in his seat and grabbed the remote from Bono. “It should be Tootsie,” he said, and hit play.

It was Tootsie, and Edge set the remote down on the table in front of him. Bono was fidgeting at his side, and Edge tried hard to ignore him. It was hard though. It was pretty much impossible, and with every move Bono made, he was reminded of earlier. He couldn’t push it from his mind, and really, he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to. He felt like the day had lasted for a week, and he was already struggling to look at Bono and not see something he wanted to pull closer and breathe in, and how that had happened, Edge was still having trouble processing. 

A hand landed on his thigh, and Edge jolted in his seat, but if Bono noticed, he didn’t show it. Bono’s hand was high, close to his hip, and Edge was almost certain that they were about to have a repeat of the cinema, only with Adam instead of Hollie as a possible witness. But his hand stayed put, and Bono was frowning. “Didn’t we see this at the cinema together, Edge?” he asked.

Edge had to tear his eyes away from Bono’s hand to look at the television, to remind himself what exactly it was they were watching. He cleared his throat. “No, I’ve never actually seen it.”

Bono was shaking his head before Edge had even finished his sentence. “No, I’m sure we did.”

“That was with me, Bono,” Adam piped up, and he had a curious expression on his face as he looked at the two of them. Bono looked like he wanted to argue until what they were saying fit whatever picture he had in his mind, but instead he just made a face and flopped back against his seat. His hand stayed put on Edge’s thigh, and it was a distraction. There was a lot of talking going on in the movie, and Edge had missed pretty much all of it.

“I remember,” Bono said. “I recall Dustin Hoffman did not make for a beautiful woman.”

“You remember correctly,” Adam replied.

Bono squeezed Edge’s thigh, and leaned in close until his breath was ghosting against his cheek. “I looked better in a frock, didn’t I, The Edge.”

Edge drew in an unsteady breath, and he knew Bono was smiling at him. “I haven’t yet seen Dustin Hoffman in a dress to make that call, Bono.”

“Hmm.” Bono sat back, and his hand dropped to the couch. Edge immediately shifted away from him, until he was pressed up against the arm. He couldn’t help it though, and soon found himself looking over at Bono. Bono was watching him, and he had that same look on his face that he’d had in the kitchen, just before it all. Edge flexed his hand against his thigh, and then began to rub it, feeling more than a little restless. Bono’s gaze dropped to follow it, and Edge stilled his hand.

“Would anyone like a drink?” Adam briskly asked, and was on his feet before either of them could answer him.

“Wine,” Bono said. “Please.”

Adam cleared his throat noisily. Edge glanced up to find Adam looking at him expectantly, and he shook his head. “Do you want me to pause it?”

“No, it’s fine.” Adam stepped past the television and headed for the kitchen. “What’s the fucking point,” he muttered under his breath.

Edge watched Adam walk away until he disappeared into the next room, and then he turned to face Bono. He wasn’t sure what to expect, and the thought left his stomach feeling a bit twisted, but Bono just smiled at him. “Are you enjoying the movie?” he asked.

Edge didn’t have an answer for him, and Bono didn’t seem to expect one. He licked his lips, and shifted closer. Edge pulled back immediately. “What are you doing?”

“Relax.”

“Adam will-”

“Edge.” Bono held up a placating hand, and Edge slumped against the arm. “Relax.” Edge wasn’t sure if relaxing was an option, and he very nearly said as such to Bono, but then Bono was shifting closer and then closer still. He rested his head against Edge’s chest, and his arm came up to wrap around Edge’s stomach. The angle wasn’t right, and Edge found himself automatically shuffling until they both found a position that was comfortable. Bono sighed, and curled his legs up underneath himself. “I’m tired,” he explained needlessly, and Edge found himself nodding. Bono was warm against him, almost too warm, and Edge felt like he was fifteen again. With his best friend, with _Bono_. He shuffled once more, and his arm fell loosely around Bono’s back.

It felt nice, holding someone again, and yet Edge could not relax. His throat felt constricted and his chest heavy, and when he looked down at Bono he wanted badly to push the hair from his face. He wanted to press closer up against Bono’s body, to make him gasp, and he wanted to push him away and walk out the front door. Bono ran his fingers lightly against Edge’s stomach, and then he let his hand still. Edge glanced down at him, but Bono’s eyes were locked forward at the television screen, and Edge found himself doing the same.

He was surprised when Adam stepped in front of them a few seconds later and more so when Adam didn’t seem the least bit surprised at their current position. He just set Bono’s glass down on the coffee table, and then sat down in the armchair with his own glass. He was watching them. Edge knew it, and he refused to look up, just kept looking at the television. The movie was well on its way, and soon enough, there was Dustin in a dress. Bono had been right; he did look better in a frock. Edge considered telling him, but he felt a bit hysterical at the thought and Bono had gone lax against him. Edge tore his eyes from the screen easily enough, and sure enough, Bono had fallen asleep.

It was a running joke among the band, how Bono could pick a random spot and fall asleep so quickly without a care, and sometimes Edge laughed along, and sometimes he didn’t. He could feel Bono’s back rise and fall gently, and he gave in and pushed the hair from Bono’s face. It was soft against his skin, and he let his hand curl into thick strands. He couldn't stop himself, and he was at a loss. Bono didn’t stir, and when Edge looked up, Adam was watching him. Their eyes met briefly and then Edge had to look away. He gazed at the movie, and found he had no idea what was happening.


	10. Thank You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is huge. HUGE, and I wrote 95% of it in one sitting. I may be a bit mad

Edge managed to catch the last twenty minutes or so of the film, and Bono slept soundly on against him. What he’d seen of the film had interested him, despite the distractions, and he wondered if he should try it again another day, when he could focus on it completely. The credits started and Adam stood up and hit stop on the VCR then flicked the television off. He looked at Edge and down at Bono, and then walked past them. About ten seconds later, Edge heard the bathroom door shut and he leaned forward as much as he could to snag Bono’s untouched glass of wine. He drank from it, and Bono shifted and let out a low moan. It wasn’t sexual in nature, just one of the sounds of sleep, but Edge paused with the glass at his lips nonetheless. He waited to see if Bono would do it again, and had to admit to himself that he was disappointed when Bono fell silent. He was in trouble. He was in a lot of trouble and he was suddenly feeling rather calm about the trouble he was in.

The bathroom door opened in the distance and Edge took another sip of the wine, half hoping that Adam would just bypass him completely and head off straight to bed, but the footsteps headed his way and then Adam was there by the couch, standing wordlessly with the dildo in his hand. Edge’s eyes widened and he swallowed the wine carefully before setting the glass back down onto the table. Adam was giving him a look, one that had more than a few questions in it, and Edge held up a finger and attempted to slide out from underneath Bono without jostling him too much. He wasn’t very successful, and he was so sure that Bono was going to wake, but he just settled into the couch with a small sigh, and Edge gestured to Adam to follow him.

It was cold outside, whereas the house was nice and warm, and neither of them were wearing jackets. Edge immediately regretted the decision, but shut the door behind them nonetheless. “Why are we outside?” Adam asked, sounding more than a little irritated.

“The walls are too thin inside, I didn’t want to wake him.”

“It’s Bono, Edge, he can sleep through anything. It’s fucking freezing out here!”

Edge rolled his eyes, but he knew that Adam had a point. He’d seen Bono sleep through some loud shit before. “It’s not that cold.”

It was Adam’s turn to roll his eyes, but he stopped complaining, just wrapped his free arm around his midsection. The dildo was still in his other hand and he was waving it about slightly, and Edge couldn’t help but look at it. He felt a little hysterical at the sight of it, and opened his mouth to try and explain, but Adam got in first.

“I have a few questions, Edge,” he said.

“I thought you might.”

There was a silence, and Edge wanted to turn away from the probing stare, but he resisted the urge and waited for Adam to sort out his thoughts. “First of all, what the hell did I walk in on in the kitchen?”

Edge had been hoping that Adam would ask about the dildo first. He sighed and went and sat down on the stoop. He could see the mark where Bono had butted out his cigarette and he covered it with his hand. “I don’t know, Adam,” he said, and it wasn’t exactly a lie.

There was a shuffling behind him and then Adam was sitting down next to him. He gave Edge a sideways glance, and Edge tried his best to ignore it. “Really? Because when I walked in I thought for a second that you were going to tear my head off.” Edge smirked. He wasn’t far off the mark. “And Bono, well Bono looked like he’d walked straight out of someone’s wet dream.” Edge raised his eyebrows at Adam. He could see where he was coming from, with how Bono had been flushed and panting, but he hadn’t expected Adam to put it like that. Adam seemed surprised himself, and quickly changed the subject. “And why was this dildo on a towel in the bathroom?”

“Maybe I should have put it back under the couch cushion?” Edge suggested, and Adam blinked at him. “Bono left it there to dry, and I forgot all about it.”

“To dry?” Realization dawned on Adam’s face and he looked wide eyed at the dildo. “Oh, I see.”

“Yeah. So that happened.”

“Alright.” Adam was still staring at the dildo like it was about to describe what exactly had gone down in the bedroom, and Edge began to laugh; quietly at first, and then the entire day crashed down upon him and he was laughing so hard his entire body was shaking. Adam looked at him like he was mad, and then a smile broke out on his face and he started to chuckle himself.  He set the dildo on the stoop and shook his head. “I honestly thought he was going to start groping you before on the couch.”

Edge’s laughter turned into a small smile, and he wiped the tears from his face and let Adam’s words roll through his mind a few times.  Adam fell silent beside him, and when Edge glanced over at him, there was a frown on his face. “What?”

“What do you think would have happened?” Adam asked. “Had I not walked in?”

Edge turned his attention to the fence and thought about it, really thought about it. The answer he came up with scared the hell out of him, and he was anxious to admit it. “Things might have progressed,” he offered eventually, and he could tell that Adam wasn’t completely satisfied with the answer; could tell that Adam knew he wasn’t offering the full truth. “Look, I don’t know, this is all very new to me. I started the day with a best friend and now I’m ending it with a best friend who makes me-” Edge cut himself off with a short laugh, and gestured wildly in the air as if to make his point. “You know.”

“Hmm.” Adam was looking thoughtful in a way that Edge couldn’t really place, with his chin sitting atop his fist.

 “I feel like this day has lasted about a week. And I think I’m in trouble here, Adam. It’s all come on suddenly and I don’t know what-”

“Edge,” Adam started, and stopped himself with a slight shake of the head. “No, never mind.”

“What is it?”

Adam tapped his fingertips against the underside of his chin, and sucked at his teeth before turning to Edge with a placating smile that didn’t calm him in the slightest. “Look, there have been times in the past where, well, you know.”

“No, I don’t know,” Edge said sharply.

“You really don’t, do you,” Adam mused. His hand dropped to his side and he turned to face Edge properly. “Sometimes, and this is mostly when you’ve been drinking, you follow Bono around with a certain look on your face, do you get what I’m saying?” Edge blinked at him, and Adam made a noise of pure exasperation. “You look at him like you’d very much like to shove his dick in your mouth.”

Edge’s mouth dropped open. “I do not!”

“You do, I’m sorry but you do. Ask Larry.”

“ _Larry_?”

Adam shrugged. “We discuss it sometimes.” Edge was gobsmacked and had about a dozen different questions threatening to spill out of his mouth, but he couldn’t manage any of them. He stared uselessly at Adam, and Adam smiled. “If it makes you feel any better, sometimes Bono looks at you like he’d very much like to let you.”

It didn’t make him feel better. It made his mind jump right back onto another completely different thought pattern, and he stared down at his hands and forced himself to breathe. “I thought-”

“I know what you thought,” Adam said gently. “I’ve told Larry a few times that there was nothing to it, that there is sometimes just this certain spark that happens in bands, like Lennon and McCartney, but, I mean, this.” He gestured at the door as if Bono was right behind it. “I think this is me being wrong.”

“I’m not in love with him,” Edge said, and Adam looked at him surprised. Edge could understand, he was surprised himself that he had even said it.

“I’m not saying that you are, mate. I’m just saying that you look at him, is all.” Edge nodded, feeling a little numb. Adam’s hand came up to grab his arm, and it was like ice against his skin. “Are you alright?”

“No.”

“Okay then.” His hand stayed for a few seconds, and then Adam rubbed it against his other hand before burying them both between his thighs. “Do you want my opinion?”

Edge did, quite badly. He was stuck, so stuck and his mind was about to go into pure overdrive. And Adam was rarely wrong, except when it came to his own life. “Please. Please give me your opinion.”

“I think you should get it out of your system.”

Edge let out a long breath, and turned to Adam. “And by it, you mean-”

“You know what I mean. Edge, we’ve got a band to think about here. We’re not going to be overly successful in doing that if you two are constantly distracted by what’s going on in your pants.”

He had a point, as blunt as it was, and Edge wished he could think as clearly as Adam, but he was being pulled every which way. “But what if it makes it worse?” Adam frowned at him, and Edge rubbed at his arm, unsure of how to explain himself. “What if it ruins our friendship?” he said, a little awkwardly. Adam shook his head, and Edge continued before he could speak. “What if we want to continue?”

That made Adam’s head turn and he stared at Edge like he’d never considered it. “That’s a big question,” he said slowly.

“I know.”

“Do you think-”

“I don’t know.”

“But you’re thinking-”

“I _don’t_ know, Adam.”

Adam was silent for a long time, his arms wrapped tightly around himself, and Edge didn’t know what else to say. He didn’t know what else to really think, all he knew was that he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to look at Bono normally, and it scared the shit out of him. But there was also excitement there, and that was different and real and he rubbed his hands together, fighting the cold and remembering the heat of Bono’s breath against his knuckles. It was not something he could escape, and it had only been a few hours. He wondered if this is what Bono had felt like, the first time he’d seen Ali walk across that schoolyard, though he knew it was completely different. This wasn’t love, and this hadn’t been first sight, but it had been sudden, all the same. He sighed, and Adam looked at him.

“I think you’ve got a lot of thinking to do, Edge,” he said softly. Edge nodded. It wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but he knew it was the best Adam could offer. He smiled weakly, and Adam bumped their shoulders together. “I never would have thought of us having this conversation, back in Larry’s kitchen.” Edge didn’t respond, and Adam bumped his shoulder one more time. “Do you think Lennon and McCartney ever slept together though?”

Edge laughed, and it came upon him suddenly. “Maybe you should ask Bono, he knows everything about them.”

“Maybe I will. I wouldn’t be surprised if they did though, would you?” Edge just shook his head, and the smile stayed. Adam shivered and then tapped Edge on the arm. “Come on, we’ve been out in the cold far too long.”

“Yeah,” Edge agreed.

“Don’t forget your dildo,” Adam said before standing up, and Edge was tempted to knock his feet out from under him. He resisted the urge and picked up the dildo, then accepted Adam’s hand to help him up.

He half expected Bono to have his ear pressed up against the door snooping on their conversation -and he wasn’t exactly sure where that mental image had come from – but they found Bono still out like a light. His arm was hanging off the side of the couch, and Edge fought the urge to go and rearrange him into a more comfortable position. Instead, he turned to lock the front door. Adam collected the glasses and brushed past Edge on the way to the kitchen, and Edge thought about following him for a second before deciding just to head to his bedroom. He placed the dildo in his drawer and took his jeans off, then headed towards the bathroom. Adam was by the couch when he returned, blanket in hand, and Edge couldn’t help but watch him. He stood there for a good few seconds, looking down at Bono with a slightly furrowed brow, and then he shook his head and gently laid the blanket out until Bono was completely covered.

Edge coughed, and their eyes met. “Well, goodnight,” he said after a brief silence.

Adam smiled, and Edge felt some of the tension go from his spine. “Sleep well, Edge.”

“Yeah, sure.” Edge shut his door behind him, and shuffled over to climb into bed. He was exhausted but wired, and he knew sleep was going to be far away. He considered reading for a bit, but knew it was no use, so he flicked off his lamp and lay there, staring at the small crack of light coming from underneath the door. His pillow smelled faintly of Bono, and it was near suffocating. He could hear Adam moving about and soon enough the light disappeared and there was silence. Edge rolled over, closer to the window where the bed was still cool, and he buried his face into the other pillow. It smelled like fresh linen and Edge breathed.

He tried to think of other things, of his girls, of the tour, and it worked for a while, but then his mind started to slip back and he was stuck again. He couldn’t help but think of what had happened in the kitchen, what might have happened had Adam not come home. He was going to wake up in the morning, if he ever did fall asleep, and Bono was going to still be in the house, and he was going to have to deal with that. Deal with a Bono that had his mind set on something, and that was never an easy thing to do on a normal day. Adam was right, he did have some thinking to do.

The door opened and Edge froze. He knew it was Bono, and his heart began to thump faster. “Edge?” His voice was soft, uncertain, and it was so different to how Bono had been that entire day that Edge very nearly answered him. He stayed silent though, because he couldn’t deal with what might happen if he spoke up. “Edge, you awake?” There was a short bout of silence, and then the covers were being pulled back. Edge kept his body still and waited for the touch, and it came quickly enough in the form of Bono’s hand on his shoulder. It slid down his arm and landed on his waist, and Edge twitched. Bono gave a chuckle, low and throaty. “You’re terrible at feigning sleep, you know.”

The hand dropped from his hip to the bed and Edge rolled over, knowing he shouldn’t. He could barely make out Bono in the darkness, but he just knew he was smiling. He sat up, and flicked on the lamp. Bono blinked at the sudden light, but sure enough, he was smiling a tired grin in Edge’s direction. “Why are you in my bed?”

“I was cold,” Bono said, with a slight whine. He pulled the covers closer to his body, as if to make a point. “Can I stay? I’ll be good.” His choice of words gave Edge pause, and Bono bit his lip and turned his face further into the pillow. “I mean it this time.”

Edge pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to find a happy medium between kicking Bono out of his bed and something else entirely. “I’m tired, Bono.”

“So am I, so turn the light off, would you?”

It was not the response Edge had expected, and he looked at Bono in surprise. Bono stared calmly back at him, and Edge figured that was that. He turned off the lamp and settled back down into his bed, feeling a bit uneasy about the whole thing. Bono was breathing steadily at his side, and Edge focussed on the ins and outs of that for a while as he waited for the quiet to be broken, but it never came. Bono just rolled away from him and soon enough, his breathing evened out into sleep.

Edge was unsettled, and he tossed and turned until finally he gave in and shifted closer to Bono, close enough that they were almost sharing the same pillow. He could feel the warmth radiating from Bono’s body, and he wanted badly to wake him up, because it was all his fault. He settled for a hand on the back, and Bono started slightly but didn’t wake. Edge kept his hand there to feel the rise and fall until his chest loosened and his limbs felt heavy.

It was the ringing of the phone that woke him and he felt disoriented and murky, his eyes glued together in such a way that he wondered if he could just roll back over and ignore it all. But then he was awake, and the phone stopped ringing. He could hear Adam’s voice, a low murmur, and found he didn’t care enough about the conversation to listen in. He rolled over and came face to face with Bono. He blinked blankly at him for a second, and then the previous day came flooding back and Edge found himself suddenly more alert than he might have been if he’d downed ten cups of coffee. He briskly sat up in bed and waited, but Bono’s eyes stayed closed and Edge silently thanked God for small miracles. He glanced over Bono to look at the clock, and was shocked to find it was nearly midday. He hadn’t slept so long and so steadily in what felt like weeks, and his gaze drifted back down to Bono.

His hand was curled up close to his face and Edge was sure he’d have to wash his pillowcase to get rid of the drool coming from Bono’s open mouth, but looking down at him Edge found a sudden sense of clarity that had been missing for the past few days. It surprised him how simply it hit him, and the thought should have bowled him over but it didn't, just left him there with a small smile on his face. Bono stirred and the moment was gone, but he didn’t wake, just rolled onto his back and Edge climbed out of bed and left him there, snoring away. He shut the door behind him and went to wash his face and use the toilet before seeking out Adam.

He found him in the kitchen, staring at the kettle as he waited for it to finish boiling, and he had a glazed over look of too little sleep that Edge recognized from so many mornings staring into the mirror. He resisted the urge to boast about how rested he himself felt, resisted the urge to blurt out to Adam what was going on in his mind and pulled down another mug from the cupboard. “Morning.”

Adam looked at him, and then looked at the clock. “Almost afternoon.”

“Still got a few minutes. Who was on the phone?”

Adam waved his hand dismissively in the air. “Oh, it was just Paul.”

“Yeah? What’d he want?”

“To offer us all lunch tomorrow at his home. He said it wasn’t a meeting, but I bet you some sort of shop talk happens.” The kettle kicked off and Adam gave him an enquiring look. “Tea?”

“Please.” He slid his mug over towards Adam and then went to pull the milk out of the fridge. After a second thought, he pulled out the eggs as well. “He probably didn’t think he’d be able to lure us into a meeting without the offer of food.”

“He probably thought correctly,” Adam said. “Ali called earlier too.”

Edge set the milk down on the counter next to Adam, and waited, but Adam let it just hang there. “What did she say?”

“Just wanted to make sure Bono hadn’t died in a ditch somewhere, is all. I told her he was here. He still _is_ here, right?”

Edge cleared his throat, and shifted towards the stove. “Yeah, he’s still asleep in my room.”

“Is that so?”

Edge shot him a look. “He was cold, Adam.”

“I’m sure he was.” Adam gave a small chuckle and set Edge’s now full mug on the counter. Edge rolled his eyes, and picked up the mug and took a sip. There was barely any milk, and it was just what he needed.

“Nothing happened, Adam, now do you want some breakfast or not?”

“I believe you, honestly.” Adam took a sip of his own tea and then looked thoughtfully at the carton of eggs on the counter. “Can I have boiled eggs with soldiers?”

Edge sighed, but reached into the cupboard for the saucepan. When he straightened, Adam was looking past him towards the door. Edge glanced over and there was Bono, hair askew and squinting and he gripped the doorway before going into a full body yawn. It was so far away from the look Anton constantly sought from Bono when he had out his camera, and yet Edge couldn't help the smile that sprung to his face. “Tea?” Adam offered by way of greeting.

“Coffee,” Bono replied, and shuffled into the room. He looked at Edge and smiled blearily, and Edge just shook his head.

“We’re out of coffee,” Adam said.

Bono frowned and turned to face Adam, and he looked dumbfounded. “What sort of house doesn’t have coffee?”

Adam shrugged, and Edge fought the urge to laugh. There was coffee in the pantry, quite a bit of it in fact, but it wasn’t something that Bono needed to know. “Tea?” Adam offered once more, and Bono sighed and reached into the cupboard for a mug.

“Tea,” he agreed. Edge went about filling the saucepan up with water, and then set it on top of the stove and waited for it to boil. Bono was at his side soon enough, mug in hand, and he looked at the saucepan with interest. “What are you making?”

“Boiled eggs with soldiers, apparently.” Edge glanced up at Bono just in time to catch the small grin before it was hidden by his mug. He sucked in a breath, and reached for his own mug. “Would you like some?”

“May I have fried eggs?”

“No, it’s boiled eggs with soldiers or it’s you cooking it yourself.”

Bono raised an eyebrow and then headed for the door. “This household is oppressing me,” he muttered and left the room with his mug in hand.

“Was that a yes on the boiled eggs then?” Adam called after him.

“Yes!”

Edge heard Bono pull out one of the dining table chairs, the noise of wood dragging against wood cutting loud through the house, and him and Adam exchanged a glance. “He’s your problem, not mine,” Adam said quickly, and it was meant as a joke, but Edge couldn’t help the thought that ran through his mind.

They ate at the table, Bono dipping his soldiers into his eggs heartily despite his earlier misgivings, and Edge sat back and watched him, nursing his tea in hand. Their eyes met and Bono smiled at him sweetly, and it felt like a completely different person to how he’d been the night before. That was just Bono though, and Edge smiled back, a little hesitantly before setting his tea down and resuming his meal.

“I might have a shower,” Bono said once he was done.

Adam screwed up his face. “Don’t you have a family to go spend precious free time with?”

Bono shrugged. “They’re coming out with us for the first few shows.” This was news to Edge. He finished his cold tea and Bono looked at him. “Should be fun.”

“Should be,” Edge echoed. Bono nodded at him, then stood up with his dishes in hand and went to dump them in the sink. He laid a quick hand on Edge’s shoulder as he walked past and then headed towards the bathroom. Adam raised his eyebrows at Edge but said nothing, and they finished their breakfast in silence.

Edge did the dishes while Adam made them both another cup of tea each and, after a moment of deliberation, made a coffee for Bono. He set Bono’s mug to the side and came to stand next to Edge, watching as he wiped out the saucepan before setting it to the side. He let out the water and sighed, hands rested against the counter. He glanced at Adam, and Adam raised his left shoulder in a half shrug then brought his mug to his lips. “I’m going to do it,” Edge said, and Adam spluttered tea all over his own hand. He coughed harshly, setting his mug down on the counter before he spilled it, and Edge was torn between feeling terrible about making him choke, and feeling a bit amused by it.

“What?” Adam exclaimed when he was able. “Really?”

“I think so, yeah.”

“You _think_ so? What happened to you don’t know?”

“You suggested that we should get it out of our systems!”

“Well, yes, but then I also suggested that you should do some thinking. Edge, it’s been like twelve hours and you were asleep for most of that.” Adam was talking fast, and Edge wanted to laugh at him, because he understood completely. “I mean, this is a big decision, Edge.”

“I know it is.” Adam sighed and down his entire mug of tea in one go. “Wasn’t that hot?”

Adam’s tongue darted out and he made a face, then set his mug down on the counter. “Yes.”

Edge did laugh then. “Are you freaking out about this? You’ve seemed pretty calm about it up until now.”

“I know, I don’t know. It’s just, it’s one thing to talk about it. But then-” Adam waved a hand in the air inexplicably and then looked at Edge square on. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Adam let out a low whistle. “Jesus.” Edge nodded, and waited for Adam to continue. He didn’t have to wait long. “What made you decide? Was it Bono looking like he’d been run over in his sleep, or Bono getting egg all over his face?” Edge shoved him and Adam jumped away from him, laughing. “It had to be one of those!”

Edge decided against telling Adam that the decision had been made while Bono had been drooling on his pillow. Adam had more than enough fodder to last him a lifetime. He shrugged. “It just hit me this morning,” he said softly, and Adam’s face went serious. Edge felt calm, and it surprised him.

“God, Edge.”

He heard the bathroom door open in the distance, and then footsteps heading this way. Adam gave Edge a wide eyed look and they both turned to face the door. “The shower’s free,” Bono announced upon stepping inside the room, and his eyes immediately landed on the mug halfway across the room. “Is that coffee?” He didn’t wait for an answer, just stalked past the both of them and picked up the mug. Edge watched him drink, his throat working steadily, and he trailed his eyes down. Bono was in yesterday’s clothes, but his feet were bare and his hair was damp, and he had a towel slung around his neck. “You’re both fucking liars. I borrowed the red toothbrush, by the way.”

“Oh, fantastic,” Adam muttered.

“Was it yours? I thought it was Edge’s.” Bono shrugged, and took another mouthful. “Sharing is caring, Adam. The shower’s free.” The look he gave Adam was pointed, but Edge got in first.

“I might go first, if that’s alright with you, Adam.”

Adam gave him a somewhat amused look. “That’s fine by me, Edge.”

Bono raised his eyebrows but said nothing, just continued to drink his coffee. Adam patted him on the back, and Edge took one last sip of his tea before leaving the room. He planned to have a quick shower, but it dragged on longer and longer until he forced himself out from underneath the stream before the water could go cold. He dried himself slowly, and there was a lump in his throat that he couldn’t quite get rid of. He wrapped the towel around his waist before leaving the room.

Bono was lying on his bed and he hadn’t bothered to make it, though Edge hadn’t really expected him to. He had a book in his hand, the Pablo Neruda book that he’d lent to Edge, and he let it drop when Edge walked into the room. “That was a long shower,” he remarked.

“You’re one to talk, I’m surprised the world still has water with the showers you take sometimes,” Edge shot back. Bono just laughed and pulled himself up until he was in a sitting position. He set the book on the side table and his eyes followed Edge’s every movement. It was a little unnerving, but also slightly thrilling, if Edge had to put a word to it. He shuffled through his drawer before pulling out a pair of briefs and then he took a deep breath and let his towel drop to the ground. Bono was silent, and Edge stepped into the briefs and pulled them up before turning to face him. There was a bemused smile on his face that turned into something more, and he had that look about him like he couldn’t believe Edge had just done that. Edge got dressed quickly after that, and then came to sit on the bed. He was a little nervous to ask, and half expected Bono to laugh at him, but he had to know. “Bono, I need to ask you something.”

Bono eyes widened slightly, and he swung his legs over until they were hanging off the bed like Edge’s. “Do you now?” His voice was calm, but Edge could see it all in his face.

“Are you in love with me?” It was always a hard question to ask, especially when you didn’t know the answer, but Bono didn’t respond; he just regarded Edge with a serious look on his face. It left Edge feeling a bit exposed, and the next lot of words spilled out of his mouth quickly. “I have to know before I say what I’m going to say next.”

That caused Bono to lean forward in interest, his eyes searching Edge’s face intently. “What are you going to say next?”

“Just answer the question,” Edge said tightly.

Bono’s eyes remained glued to Edge’s face for a few more seconds and then, when he apparently didn’t come up with the answer he wanted, he glanced down at  his hands and sighed. He was silent for a long time, and Edge nearly got up, nearly walked out to get Adam because God knows Adam would be better at this than he was. He watched the way Bono rubbed his hands against his thighs, and it left him feeling a little bit flustered. “This is purely physical, Edge,” Bono answered finally, and turned bright eyes back on him. “Though I do love you, you know that.”

Edge nodded. “But not-”

“You’re my best friend,” Bono said simply.

“Aren’t you scared that something like this might change our friendship?”

Bono shook his head. “It couldn’t. It couldn’t.” He said it with such conviction, like Edge had said ruin instead of change. “I think it might bring us closer.”

“Do you really think we need that?”

“No, but-” Bono left the word hanging there, apparently unsure of how to continue, and he shrugged at Edge with a sheepish smile.

Edge licked his lips and then stood up. He paced a few steps then came back to stand in front of Bono. “I’ll do it.” He’d expected the words to be hard to say, but they slipped out like he was placing an order for room service; simple and easy. He hadn’t thought to imagine how Bono might react, and he wasn’t prepared for it in the slightest. Bono stared at him blankly for a moment, and then his mouth fell open and he leaned forward till his elbows dug into his thighs. His hands came up to press against his mouth and he breathed deeply, his eyes slipping shut. Edge thought for a second that he was going to cry or be sick, and he was alarmed, but then Bono opened his eyes to look at him, and they were so bright that Edge leaned in and wrapped an arm around his back. His other hand came up into Bono’s damp hair and it caused Bono to lean into his stomach. Bono’s hands slid from his mouth and he breathed deeply once more, and then his hands came up and wrapped around Edge’s waist.

“Are you sure?” he asked, and it was a little muffled.

Edge nodded, then remembered that Bono couldn’t see him. He ran his hand through Bono’s hair and Bono turned into it. “Yeah.”

Bono laughed. “Alright.” Edge pulled away after a few more seconds, and Bono let him go easily, his eyes wide as Edge settled back down next to him on the bed. Edge felt a rush of satisfaction run through him, knowing he had put that look on Bono’s face. He smiled, and Bono smiled back, but it was a little hesitant.  “What would you have said if I said yes?” he asked suddenly. “That I was in love with you?”

Edge hadn’t expected the question, but he should have known it was coming. He hadn’t thought much about it, because there wasn’t really that much thought that needed to be put into it. The answer had come to him quickly, once things had been set in motion. “I wouldn’t be able to do it.”

Bono frowned. “Why not?”

“Because it would have just left you hurt,” Edge explained gently.

Bono nodded, and his eyes found his hands. “And we couldn’t have had that then, could we?”

“No we couldn’t,” Edge agreed. Bono smiled lightly, and then his arm came up and around Edge’s shoulder.

He pulled him in tight and pressed a kiss against his temple. “Thank you,” he said.


	11. Put Your Head On My Shoulder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter escalated quickly. I did not plan 80% of this chapter and I find myself not even caring, it just makes me happy.

They were sitting flush together in silence, and Edge wasn’t entirely sure how to proceed. He felt dizzyingly calm about the whole thing, but Bono had soon dropped his arm and looked up at the door hanging slightly ajar, and then down at the floor. Adam had been back and forth in the next room, but his footsteps had since gone silent as well, and Edge was left with no choice but to focus back on Bono.  He was chewing on his thumbnail, and Edge wanted to ask what he was thinking. It seemed like the wrong question though, and Edge deliberated over the best course of action for a while longer before finally tapping him on the knee with a finger. “Hey.” Bono jolted, his eyes dragging from the floor to Edge’s face. He looked slightly dazed and it was making Edge feel a bit uncertain about a few things entirely. “You alright?”

Bono just nodded, and Edge wasn’t convinced. His face must have said as much, and Bono dropped his hand from his mouth and smiled. “I’m fine, Edge. Really. I’m just – it’s, well-”

“Yeah.”

Bono licked his lips, and then he turned so that he was facing Edge properly. His knees bumped against Edge’s thigh, and he reached out and took Edge’s hand with his own. Edge glanced down, but didn’t pull away, and Bono ran his thumb over Edge’s first two knuckles. It was the lightest of touch, and it raised the fine hairs on the back of Edge’s neck. Bono furrowed his brow slightly, his eyes following the movement of his own thumb, and then he was loosening his grasp and trailing his fingers up and over Edge’s wrist and then down again until he could lock his fingers between Edge’s own. His thumb kept moving though, drawing slow circles on the back of Edge’s pinkie finger, and Edge swallowed and closed his hand until Bono’s fingertips were forced up against his palm. Bono smiled and his free hand came to sit atop Edge’s thigh. “You won’t change your mind?” he asked.

Edge watched Bono’s thumb work against his skin, and then he looked up to meet Bono’s gaze head on. “I doubt it.” Bono drew his lips together at Edge’s response, and Edge shook his head. “No.”

“I wouldn’t hate you if you did.”

“Bono, listen to me-”

“It’s a big ask.”

“I know, and that’s why I didn’t make this decision lightly,” Edge said gently. “I wouldn’t have said yes if I – if I didn’t want to.” Bono’s eyebrows went up at Edge’s words and then he was looking back down at their hands.

“Edge-”

“I do have some conditions though.”

Bono sighed, like he’d been waiting for something like that, something to throw a spanner in the works, and Edge thought he should clarify, but Bono got in first. “Of course.” He sounded calm, but his hands slipped away from Edge to settle into his own lap, and it left Edge feeling a bit thrown. His face was open though, and he looked at Edge so encouragingly that Edge suddenly felt a bit self-conscious about the whole thing. He knew he had to lay it out though; he’d given it some thought in the shower, and it seemed the best way to go into it all, though it was harder to make sense of it all when Bono was staring back at him as opposed to the glass of the shower. Even the ones that he’d been certain of then were starting to feel a bit murky in the different light, and he started to rethink a few completely. Bono’s hand on his knee surprised him, and he looked back up to find Bono looking a bit concerned, and it left him feeling slightly breathless. “You alright?”

Edge nodded, and Bono gave him a look that said he didn’t quite believe Edge, but a smile appeared and the hand remained, settled on top of Edge’s jeans with ease. It was reassuring, though Edge found he couldn’t quite return the smile. “I need, we need to have Ali’s consent.”

Bono frowned. “You know I’ve discussed this with her.”

“That may be true, but I haven’t.” Edge knew as soon as the words had left his mouth that he hadn’t quite said the right thing. He watched as Bono’s lips drew back slightly and he expected anger, readied himself for it, but it didn’t come.

Bono hunched forward in on himself and a weary laugh filled the air, and his hand remained on Edge’s knee. “You don’t trust me, Edge?”

“Of course I trust you,” Edge said, and it came out a bit more defensive than he’d planned.

“That may be true? Doesn’t sound like the words of complete confidence to me.”

“Bono, don’t-”

“I’ve discussed it with her,” Bono snapped. “At length.”

“I know you have, I’m sure of it,” Edge said gently, and Bono’s shoulders sagged somewhat. “I know you love Ali-”

“I do. I do.”

“I know. But you know, I love her too.” He paused. “Not the way that you do, obviously.”

“Obviously,” Bono echoed, and he squeezed Edge’s knee once before releasing. His face had softened though, and Edge waited till Bono looked back up at him properly before continuing.

“I need to hear it from her myself, and it has nothing to do with you. Can you understand that?”

Bono rubbed at his mouth, but he nodded, and then gave Edge a rueful grin. “It has a little to do with me,” he said.

“I suppose it does,” Edge agreed after a moment’s consideration.

“It probably has more than a little to do with me, in fact.”

“Don’t most things, in your mind?”

Bono went to shove him, but Edge caught his wrist before he could connect. Bono looked both surprised and suitably impressed at the speed, and Edge couldn’t keep his laughter at bay. Bono didn’t join in, just watched him with a small smile until Edge had calmed down. His smile grew wider, and he fell slowly back until his head hit the pillow. His wrist stayed in Edge’s grasp, and his legs dangled off the side of the bed. Edge knew he had to be uncomfortable, but his face didn’t show it. Instead, he just looked at Edge in such a way that Edge could see the child still shining through. “Lay down with me, Edge.”

“Why?” Edge asked, but he was already half considering it. Bono just pulled his arm back, and Edge’s hand came with it, the thought to let go only briefly crossing his mind, and then his knuckles were against Bono’s chest. Edge could faintly feel the thump of his heart, and it was beating fast.

“Because.” The word hung in the air, like Bono thought it was reason enough, and Edge wondered if he should, wondered against why he shouldn’t, and then he was kneeling on the bed and letting go of Bono’s wrist. He shuffled over until he was at a respectable distance from Bono and laid his cheek against the cool pillow. Bono immediately rolled towards him, his bare toes brushing against Edge’s. Edge jerked away from the cold touch, and Bono chuckled. “Sorry.”

“You should put some socks on,” Edge chided.

“Maybe,” Bono said, but he made no move to get up, and his feet brushed Edge’s once again. Edge didn’t pull away this time, and Bono’s big toe found his ankle. He rubbed gently, and it was an odd feeling that sent a thrill up Edge’s leg.  “What were the other conditions, Edge?”

Edge found himself momentarily at a loss to remember, but then one came back and it was one that he wasn’t entirely sure about. “I think,” he said, and then stopped with a small shake of the head.

“What do you think?”

Bono had a lazy smile on his face, and it always amazed Edge how quickly he could fleet from one emotion to the next. But there was no anger there anymore, not even the hint of any upset, and Edge cleared his throat to buy himself a moment to find some courage, because he had a feeling something was about to come back, and often with Bono he ended up fighting a losing battle. “I think it would be best if we didn’t, uh, kiss.”

Bono looked blank for a second, and then he was aghast, pushing himself up on one elbow to properly stare Edge down. “What?”

Edge found himself wanting to turn further into his pillow so that his face was completely buried, but he knew it was pointless. “I just think-”

“No _kissing_? Edge, we’ve kissed before, hundreds of times.”

Edge sincerely doubted the number was that high, and he knew that wasn’t exactly the thing he should be focussing on. “That’s different, those kisses weren’t intimate.”

“Every kiss is intimate to me,” Bono said, and he sounded so calm and certain about his words that Edge immediately knew he was in trouble. He watched Bono lay back against the pillow, and he watched as Bono reached out to touch his shoulder. “I don’t agree to this condition.”

“Bono-”

“The entire act is intimate, Edge, a kiss won’t change that.” Bono trailed his hand down Edge’s arm until it found the sharp jut of his elbow, and he smiled and paused there. Why, Edge couldn’t quite figure, but he couldn’t pull away. “You might think differently, in the heat of the moment.” His words gave Edge pause, as he considered exactly what Bono was talking about. He’d considered it, of course he’d considered what it might be like being with Bono, but not as explicitly as the images that appeared in his head at that very moment. He thought of himself on top of Bono, inside of Bono, with arms pulling him closer still and lips at his ear, pleading for more. He blinked, and the thought was gone, but Bono was there in front of him still, and it suddenly felt like a dangerous position completely. 

It was like a switch went off in his brain,and he almost shifted forward, almost dragged Bono’s hand down, and he wanted it badly. But the door was open and he knew that Adam could reappear at any moment, knew there were still some conditions to work their way through.

Bono knew those things as well, Edge was sure of it, but it didn’t stop him in the least.  His hand went from Edge’s elbow to rest lightly on his cheek, and he shifted closer until their noses were brushing, and then Bono closed his eyes and breathed. “What are you doing?” Edge said, though he already knew the answer. He didn’t pull away, nearly pulled Bono forward in fact, and he watched as Bono’s lips curved into a smile. 

“It’s alright,” Bono murmured, and Edge believed him. Still, he pulled back, but only slightly, at the first brush of Bono’s thumb over his lower lip. His entire mouth felt dry, and it left him feeling oddly self-conscious, but Bono just trailed his thumb lengthways and then pressed, gently but with intent, until Edge let his lips part. Bono’s eyes were open now, and Edge couldn’t fully meet his gaze, but he could see the look there, and he licked his lower lip instinctively, brushed the pad of Bono’s thumb with his tongue, and Bono let out a shaky breath that warmed his face. Their eyes met, and Edge could see the same heat that had been there in the kitchen, and he could barely breathe. He pressed his lips together, against the tip of Bono’s thumb, and then it was gone, trailing a wet line down till his hand found Edge’s throat, and Bono’s lips were against his skin; not where Edge thought they were going to be, instead landing against his jaw. It sent a shudder through his body, all the same, and Bono smiled, slick teeth pressed against skin, and then he turned his head slight and found Edge’s mouth.

The angle was wrong, their noses bumping together, and it was the lightest of pressure, Bono’s bottom lip sliding in between his two for a split second, but it was like a jolt of electricity. Bono’s hand was at his neck, and Edge thought he must have felt his pulse race, his throat constrict, and then he had an arm around Bono’s back, grabbing at his shirt and pulling. It took Bono a second, but then he was moving with Edge until he was splayed almost on top of him, and Edge couldn’t think, just grasped the back of Bono’s head and dragged him down.

It was rough, their teeth clashing together, and Bono huffed out a laugh that Edge tried to ignore. He pulled back, but only slightly, and he was gentler this time, and Bono’s lips were soft against his; it had been so long, so long since he’d kissed someone, and he was left feeling a bit dizzy, and Bono groaned deep in his chest and pulled away. His mouth fell open and he breathed hotly against Edge’s cheek, his hand grasping at Edge’s shoulder. “Edge.” Bono said it like it was a full sentence, his lips moving against Edge’s skin, and Edge turned his head to meet his mouth, but Bono jerked his head back. He chuckled at the face Edge made, but his eyes were wide and his face flushed, and the hand that found his neck felt clammy against his skin.

Edge licked his lips and leaned in, and Bono again jerked his head back, but he was not nearly as committed to it, and when Edge gripped his hair and pulled him down, Bono went willingly. His head tilted back just before Edge could kiss him, and his mouth was wide and panting. Edge found his lower lip, felt it drag up against his mouth, and he stopped Bono with his hand and slipped his tongue into Bono’s mouth. Bono’s laugh turned into a needy little moan that went straight to Edge’s cock, and he felt Bono’s tongue brush against his own, and Bono’s moan grew louder. It was loud enough to snap Edge back, to remind him, and he pulled away reluctantly and glanced over at the door. It was still open, and Edge tried to will it to shut on its own, then thought of getting up and closing it himself, but Bono rested his cheek against Edge’s shoulder and he was stuck there.

Bono’s breath was harsh against his neck, and his thigh was drawn up between Edge’s legs, and Edge tried to calm himself, but he was fighting a losing battle. He felt warm, too warm, and he couldn’t help but move his hand until it was brushing at the hem of Bono’s shirt. “What are the other conditions?” Bono asked, his voice catching slightly.

“What?”

Bono tilted his head back and smiled at Edge, and it left Edge feeling a bit stupid. “You had the no kissing, so what are the other conditions?”

“Oh. I don’t remember.” It was a half-truth, his brain left foggy, and his fingers found the warm skin under Bono’s shirt. He knew he should stop, Adam could reappear at any moment, but Bono sucked in a breath and leaned into the touch, and Edge dragged his fingers up Bono’s spine. 

“What were they, Edge? Tell me and I’ll prove you wrong.” Bono drew his leg up a little, the slide of it against him enough to short Edge’s brain out for a moment, and then he remembered one.

“There was no unnecessary foreplay,” Edge said, and Bono smiled but said nothing. “And no, no.”

“No?”

“Unnecessary handling of genitals.”

Bono laughed, his chest shaking underneath Edge’s hand, and then he was sliding almost completely off of Edge, trapping Edge’s arm between his side and the bed, and his eyes were on the door. “Really?”

Edge could hear it in Bono’s voice before his hand even moved, and he shook his head as Bono’s fingers trailed downwards. “Bono, stop-”

“I know.” He toyed with the waist of Edge’s jeans, and there was a moment where Edge thought his fingers might slip under, but instead they found the button. “If I close the door,” Bono started, and there was pure intent in his voice. He undid Edge’s button with a deft flick of the wrist. “Edge-”

“The walls are too thin.” It was hard to get the words out, and Bono practically ignored him anyway. Edge swallowed as his zipper was drawn down, and he thought his heart might burst from his chest. He reached his free hand towards Bono’s in a feeble attempt to stop him, but Bono was too quick, and his hand slipped under the band of Edge’s underwear. “Shit.” His best friend, his _best friend._ Edge wanted to laugh, wanted to force Bono's hand lower,  he wanted so many things.

“Tell Adam to leave then.”

Edge did laugh then, a little frantic, and he wasn’t sure if it was at Bono’s words or at the feel of Bono’s fingers, dragging slowly through his pubic hair. He gripped Bono’s wrist and there was a pause, but Edge couldn’t bring himself to pull Bono’s hand away, or drag it down. “It’s his house,” he said thinly, and Bono sighed and his hand started to move further south. Edge glanced at the door in a panic. “Bono.” He tightened his grip on Bono’s wrist and Bono stopped, his fingers brushing right at the base of Edge’s cock.

“I wonder,” Bono said distantly, and curled his fingers to the side. Edge sucked a deep breath through his nose, and then Bono was dragging his hand up and out from underneath the material. “Do you think we’d fit in the backseat of your car?”

It took Edge’s mind a second to catch up, and when it did, he looked down at Bono feeling utterly unsound, and he burst into laughter. Bono just smiled at him, his fingers still playing just below Edge’s navel, and Edge felt hysterical, like his lungs weren’t quite working.

There was a clatter in the next room, and then a muttered curse, and Edge and Bono stared at each other, before Bono slid off to the side and Edge bolted upright. They both looked at the door, and Edge was the first one to move, his body working before his mind and his hand was caught in Bono’s shirt for a second before he was able to pull away and drag his feet to the next room.

Adam looked like a deer in headlights, standing by the couch with the Walkman in his hands. He had his headphones around his neck, and he couldn’t quite meet Edge’s eye. Edge stared at him, his chest heaving, and he realized too late that his pants were still undone and he was at the beginnings of a delicate state. Adam raised his eyebrows as Edge did his zipper up, and finally he met Edge’s gaze. “I didn’t-”

“I thought you were in the shower,” Edge said evenly.

Adam shook his head. “That would have been a long shower."

“Adam!”

“I was going to, and then I thought I’d just listen to this one demo song, and then it finished and it was too late,” Adam explained quickly, holding the Walkman towards Edge like it was evidence. “I didn’t want you two to think I’d been listening, so I just listened to the next few songs, Edge.”

Adam looked almost desperate, and Edge nearly started to laugh at his expression, but he was stuck on Adam’s words. “So you didn’t hear anything?” Adam’s mouth snapped shut, and his eyes found the ground once more. “Adam.”

“I didn’t mean to, but the tape ran out.” Adam dropped the Walkman on the couch and gave Edge a sheepish grin. “I rewound it, but it took so long and then I dropped the entire thing. Do you want me to go out? I can leave, Edge.”

Edge closed his eyes, trying to find a calmness that just wasn’t coming to him, and then he blinked and found Adam looking earnestly at him. He really would leave, Edge knew, and he almost took him up on the offer, but being out of the room was somewhat sobering and Edge was almost shocked at himself, at what had just happened. He shook his head. “Just, go have a shower,” he said, like he was speaking to one of his daughters. He didn’t wait for a response, just turned and walked back into his room.

Bono was sitting hunched over at the end of the bed, and he had one hand over his mouth, but he looked up when Edge walked back in. His eyes were wide, and he started to laugh. Edge rolled his eyes, but he felt a smile tug at his mouth. “You want to discuss conditions, Bono? Number one, we go to a hotel to do this.”

Bono nodded, and he dropped his hand from his mouth to reveal a wide grin. “I’m not going to disagree with that one. Otherwise Adam might walk in and offer us a pint in the middle.”

“Adam might even watch,” Edge mused.

“Adam would probably join in.”

“Adam can still hear you,” Adam called from the next room.

“Would you close the fucking door, Edge?” Bono suggested. Edge did so quickly, and when he turned back Bono was shaking his head, but he was smiling at Edge fondly. It made Edge consider, for a second, opening the door back up and asking Adam to leave the house completely, but he resisted the urge and came to stand by the wardrobe. “What are you doing over there? I won’t bite.”

“It’s not you I’m worried about.”

Bono’s lips parted in surprise, and he sat up straight, his hands dragging against his thighs as he went. He regarded Edge thoughtfully, and Edge pressed his back against the wardrobe. “What happened here, Edge?” Bono asked. “Twenty minutes ago you were against the thought of even kissing me.”

There was a pause, as Edge considered telling the truth or lying completely. Bono just looked at him steadily, waiting, and Edge knew that even if he did lie, eventually Bono would probably figure it out. He was brilliant that way. “I wasn’t against the thought of it,” Edge said slowly. “I was scared of it.”

Bono stared at him, and Edge had to look away.  He felt exposed, completely and utterly, and it was a feeling he rarely had.  “What were the other conditions?” Bono asked eventually, and his voice was so gentle that Edge felt drawn back to him. Bono smiled and patted the bed next to him. “Please.” Edge sighed, but he pushed himself from the wardrobe and came to sit on the bed. When he glanced over, he found Bono looking at him like he was the reason God had created puppies, and he almost leaned in. Bono smirked, and he knew, he had to know, and the thought nearly made Edge get back up and go stand by the wardrobe once more.

He resisted the urge, and looked squarely at Bono. “Well, you’ll need to be sanitary of course.”

Bono frowned, and gestured towards his chest. “I am sanitary. Aren’t I always sanitary?”

Edge could have listed a few times when no would have been the answer, and those were just off the top of his head, but he thought better than to get into that conversation. It was a delicate enough issue, what he was trying to get at, and to get off track would have been a disaster. “I mean, you know, inside. As well as out.” Bono blinked at him, and Edge rubbed at his forehead. “You know what I mean, B, I don’t want any nasty surprises.”

Bono screwed up his nose, finally catching on to what Edge was telling him. He looked down at his hands, then back up at Edge with a grimace. “Right, and how-”

“It’s all in the notes.”

“What notes?” Edge reached into his drawer and pulled out the notepad. He handed it to Bono, who looked more than a little confused as he took it. He flipped it open and his eyebrows went up. “Oh.”

Edge nodded. “Hopefully that helps.”

“Sure,” Bono muttered, and closed the notepad. He set it to the side, casting it an odd look before turning his attention back to Edge. “Where did-”

“James.”

“Oh.” Bono frowned. “Was there anymore?”

“Things from James, or-”

“Conditions, Edge.”

“Well, I was thinking that, well, no negative discussion of the other person’s physique? Or noises they might make.”

Bono smiled. “That won’t be a problem.”

Edge had hoped and thought as much, and he felt a little silly for even saying so. But still, he found himself wanting to add to it. “Or faces they might make.”

“Edge.”

“Alright. Thank you.”

Bono looked at him oddly, and then started to chuckle. “You’re welcome. Was there anything else?”

There were a couple more that Edge knew he’d forgotten in the mayhem since he’d had his shower, and he didn’t care enough to try and remember. Bono was still smiling at him, and Edge pictured him on his back with his eyes squeezed shut, and he knew there was one more thing, because he was scared that he might just not be able to control himself. He took a deep breath and reached out his hand. He grasped only Bono’s thumb between his fingers, and the look on Bono’s face told him it was more than enough. Bono brushed his fingers against Edge’s knuckles, and then let them still. “If I hurt you-”

“You won’t,” Bono said automatically.

“ _Listen_ to me, because it’s important. If I hurt you and you want me to stop, or even if I don’t hurt you and you want me to stop, you tell me straight away and we stop.” Bono shook his head and it frustrated Edge terribly. He yanked on Bono’s thumb, not painfully, but enough to draw his full attention. “I’m serious, Bono.”

“So am I,” Bono said. “You won’t hurt me.”

Edge sighed. Sometimes stubbornness worked in Bono’s favour, and sometimes it was the most trying thing about him. “I’m not saying I’m going to,” he said, and he tried his best to keep his voice gentle. “But neither of us have done this before, and nothing would upset me more than if I pushed you too far. I couldn’t forgive myself, alright?” It was a manipulative move bordering on him being an arsehole, but it was one that Edge sometimes pulled when Bono was being particularly bullish, and it always, always worked. Bono’s gaze dropped to their hands, and he nodded. “Alright?”

“Alright,” Bono agreed. There was a pause, and then Bono shook his head. “You know I’m not stupid, right?”

“I know,” Edge said simply. “And yet, I manage to guilt you into agreeing with me every time.”

Bono gave him a fond smile. “Maybe I am stupid.”

“You’re not.” Bono didn’t respond, just started to stroke at Edge’s knuckles once more, and it felt nice. It felt dangerous, and he struggled to get out his next question. “Did you have anything?” Bono just shook his head, and Edge was somewhat surprised. Usually, there was at least one thing when it came to Bono, sometimes it was pointless, other times it was the most important thing that everyone else had not considered yet. “Really?”

“Really,” Bono said, and then he was curling his fingers around Edge’s hand and pulling it up towards his face. Edge let his hand be turned, and Bono pressed his lips against his palm. His thumb was resting against Bono’s nose, and he could feel the breath coming from it, hitting his skin in short bursts. Bono looked up at him, and then there was wet heat dragging against his palm. Edge groaned and Bono ran his tongue to the side, along his finger until he reached the tip. He kissed him there, delicately, and then gave Edge a teasing look. “Can we do this tonight?”

Edge nodded dumbly, and Bono’s face broke into a grin. But then Edge thought about it, let his brain catch up to his penis, and realized exactly what Bono was asking. “Wait, we have to go to Paul’s tomorrow.” Bono frowned, and Edge remembered that he hadn’t yet been made privy to that information. “Paul called this morning, and invited us to lunch tomorrow.”

“Oh. So? That still gives us so much time.”

Edge looked at Bono, looked into his eyes and at his wet mouth, and he wanted so badly to say yes, for Bono’s sake as well as for his own, but he landed on reason for the first time in what felt like days. “Tomorrow night, B.”

“Why?”

“Otherwise we might not be able to focus.”

Bono practically scoffed, and Edge’s hand dropped to his lap. “You think we’re going to be able to focus either way? Anyway, it’s a fucking lunch, what is there to focus on?”

“Bono, come on, you know better than that.”

Bono rolled his eyes, and distantly the phone started to ring. They looked at each other. “Adam will get it,” Bono said.

“He’s probably in the shower,” Edge shot back, and headed for the door. He got halfway towards the kitchen, and the phone stopped. He looked at the kitchen door, waiting, but the silence continued and he turned on his heel and started back towards the bedroom. He was nearly at his door when the phone started again and he almost broke into a run to get to it. He felt a little breathless upon answering, but Ali didn’t seem to notice.

“How are you, Edge?” she asked warmly, and Edge couldn’t answer truthfully, couldn’t explain to her his current state.

“Fine, how are you?” he answered, and Ali let out a short laugh.

“Oh, fine, fine. Is my so called husband there?”

Edge swallowed, and it felt like a basketball was lodged in his throat. “Yes he is, did you want him?”

“No, that’s fine, but can you just tell him to come home soon? He’s upsetting his daughter.”

He gripped the phone. “Is everything alright?”

“Yes, Edge, but you know, a promise is a promise.”

She said it tightly, and Edge knew there was more to it, but he didn’t want to press. “Alright, I’ll tell him that.”

“Thank you, love. Alright, well-”

“Ali?”

“What is it?” There was concern in her voice and Edge felt shaky. He could see her face, could picture her back when they were at school together, and they’d known each other so goddamn long already and here he was. “Edge?”

“I, I said yes.”

There was a silence, and Edge felt like he might retch, and the silence continued and he found himself starting to wonder if Bono had been lying about even telling her. “Oh,” Ali said. “You did?”

“I did.”

Another silence followed, and then Ali let out a shuddering breath. “I thought you might.”

“Ali-”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yes.” There was a sudden racket in the background, and then he heard the familiar sound of a baby crying. Ali sighed. “I have to go, Edge, just tell him, would you?”

“I will.”

Ali didn’t hang up, and Edge could hear her breathing, hear her hesitation. “Thank you, Edge,” she said finally, and then there was a dial tone. Edge set the phone down slowly, and found himself staring at it like it had the answers. There had been a certain heaviness in Ali’s voice, and Edge knew that she hadn’t just been thanking him for passing the message along. He gripped the edge of the cabinet, and then forced himself to walk out of the room and head towards his own.

Adam was on the bed -his hair still damp - sitting next to Bono with their heads bowed toward one another. The both glanced up when Edge entered the room, and Edge was tempted to ask what they’d been discussing, but had a feeling it had been about him. Adam smiled at him, and Edge forced himself to return it, though he felt the faint stirrings of jealousy in the pit of his stomach. He pushed it away, knowing he was being fucking ridiculous, and turned his attention to Bono. “That was Ali on the phone.”

Bono pursed his lips, but gave no other reaction. “Did she want me to come home?”

Edge nodded. “The queen of Jordan has requested your presence.”

This got more of a reaction from Bono, though he was blank at first. He turned wide eyed quickly and jumped to his feet. “Oh shit,” he hissed.

“Forget something?” Adam asked.

Bono ran a hand through his hair and gave Adam a wry grin. “I promised Jordan I’d take her to the beach today.”

“Ah,” Adam said. “It’s not really beach weather though, is it?”

Bono laughed. “I really don’t think she cares, Adam.” He gave Edge a quick glance, and then picked up the notepad and left the room. Edge knew he was expected to follow, and he found Bono on the couch, pulling his socks on. Adam wandered out behind him and Edge wished he hadn’t, wished he’d just stayed in there for a minute more, but Adam kept on towards the kitchen. Bono jammed his foot into his shoe, not bothering to untie the laces first, and he did the same with the other foot before slapping his hands to his thighs and looking up at Edge. “Tomorrow night, then?” he said lowly, and Edge nodded. Bono worried his lip with his teeth for a moment, and then stood up. “Alright. I’ll get the room, if you’d like.”

“Thank you.”

Bono smiled. “Do you want one with a well-stocked mini bar?” Edge just laughed, and Bono lifted one shoulder in a half-hearted shrug. “I’ll let you know tomorrow, at Paul’s then.”

“Yeah.” Bono licked his lips, and then turned towards the door without another word. The notepad was sitting on the coffee table, and Edge shook his head. “Bono, wait.”

Bono turned back to him, and watched as Edge picked up the pad. “Oh,” he said, and grinned when Edge held it out to him. “Can’t forget that.” He took it in his hand, and glanced in the direction of the kitchen. Edge hitched in a breath, knowing what was coming, but he still wasn’t prepared for Bono’s lips against his own. It was soft and short, like Bono might have kissed him before everything, but it still stopped Edge short. Bono smiled at him, and then kissed his cheek before turning once more towards the door. “Bye,” he called over his shoulder.

“Bye,” Edge echoed, and the door clicked shut. He stared at it until he could hear Bono’s car start, and then went and sat down on the couch. Adam was there a moment later, sitting down next to him, and he set a hand on Edge’s back. “I am out of control,” Edge admitted after a short silence.

Adam nodded, and Edge wasn’t sure if it was because he agreed with him or if it was his way of trying to reassure him. His hand dropped from Edge’s back, and it left Edge to reach his own conclusions. “Do you realize that you’re going to see that man in the throes of passion?” Adam asked, and Edge turned to stare at him.

“That’s not funny.”

“I’m not trying to be funny,” Adam said. “Do you realize that, Edge?”

“Of course I do. I’ve thought this through, Adam.”

“Alright. Do you realize that you’re going to be the one to make him that way?” Edge knew that too, but hearing Adam say it put it in a different light completely. He took a deep breath and Adam smiled at him. “Sex makes people feel like they’re out of control. It’s normal.”

Edge could see his point, and it wasn’t like he’d never had sex before so he knew that, but there was something else and he struggled with it. “It’s like a light switch has been turned on in my head,” he said slowly. “And it happened suddenly. One moment, I was trying to have a dignified conversation with him, the next I couldn’t keep my hands off of him.” Adam raised his eyebrows and Edge’s face went hot. “Then I look at him, every time I look at him, it’s a struggle not to pull him close. Have you, have you ever experienced that?”

“All the time,” Adam said smoothly and Edge sagged somewhat in relief. “I see a girl in the pub or at a party and it hits me right then, and I can’t stop wanting her until I have her.”

“And what happens after you have her?”

Adam shrugged. “It depends. Sometimes I lose interest, sometimes I don’t.”

Edge nodded. He thought about what Adam was telling him for a good while, and Adam sat patiently next to him. “Have you ever had it happen with someone you already knew?” Adam frowned, and Edge had his answer immediately. “It feels dangerous, Adam.”

“In what way?”

Edge shrugged. He wasn’t sure how to explain to Adam his feelings, how he worried that they might not be able to stop, that it might complicate things further, that it might develop. He just sighed and gave Adam a small smile. “In a good way.”


	12. Hysteria

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was huge to write, huge. Chapter title comes from the Muse song of the same name; it was somewhat of an inspiration while writing parts of this

It was an easy enough melody, and yet Edge couldn’t quite manage to transfer the sound from his mind to his fingers. He’d gotten close, so close, but then he had lost it completely with a single missed note. The urge to throw his guitar across the room had gotten stronger with each passing minute, though no matter how much he threatened it, Edge knew that he’d never be able to follow though. Not a guitar. Himself, on the other hand, well that seemed entirely reasonable.

He repositioned his fingers and took a calming breath, and then started once more. It was easy, it was nice, it wasn’t what he was hearing in his head, and it was completely fucking wrong. He tried again, and again, and then he missed that one note that he didn’t even care for to begin with, and he threw his head back. “Fuck!”

“And how are things going in here?” Edge looked up at the door, not surprised in the least to see Adam leaning against the frame. It seemed like he was never very far away anymore, and the house just felt like it was getting smaller and smaller by the day. Adam raised a questioning eyebrow, and Edge glowered at him. “I thought as much.”

“Did you want something?” Edge lifted the strap over his head and set his guitar to the side. The clock caught his eye and he shook his head. Four hours. He’d been at it for four hours, and he was no closer.

“Do you want to come for a pint?” Adam asked, and Edge just looked at him. “Or maybe something stronger.” It was tempting, the prospect of going and getting completely shitfaced, and Edge certainly considered it. Adam came to sit next to him, and when Edge didn’t answer, he cocked his head to the side and gave him a kind smile. “Just for a bit? I think it would do you some good.”

It was something that Edge could imagine his mother saying to him; in fact he was almost certain she had said it to him at least once or twice over the years. “Maybe another time.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” He gestured to his guitar like it was the perfect excuse, but Adam didn’t seem convinced. Edge couldn’t really blame him. “I’m working on something here.”

“Alright.” There was a pause, and then Adam tapped Edge on the knee. “Do you need anything?”

Edge had a few answers for that, but none that Adam probably wanted or needed to hear. He just shook his head with a small smile. “I’m fine.”

Adam nodded and gave his knee a final pat before standing. “I won’t be late.”

“Yes you will.”

Adam laughed. “I won’t be early then.” He walked for the door, tossing a wave over his shoulder. “Remember to eat something.”

Edge rolled his eyes. “I will.”

“No you won’t.”

Edge didn’t bother responding, just picked up his guitar once more. He set the strap over his chest and listened to Adam’s footsteps moving around the house as he gathered a few final things before walking out the door. It shut soundly behind him, and Edge adjusted his hold once, twice, before sighing and lifting the strap back over his head once more and setting his guitar back on the bed. He looked at it, knowing he was useless for it, at least for the night. It went back in its case, and Edge roamed the house restlessly, not really in the mood to do anything. He was incredibly distracted, and he almost considered getting in his car and following Adam to the pub, but he knew that he would soon regret it. Adam would have more questions, ones that Edge knew he had held himself back from asking earlier, but no doubt after a few drinks they would start to appear. And after a few drinks, Edge might be loose enough to respond, if he even had the answers.

He found himself in the kitchen, not even hungry but knowing he should eat. Nothing in the refrigerator looked appetizing, and in the end he just pulled out some bread and a bit of cheese and made himself a toasted cheese sandwich. He grabbed a bottle of beer as an afterthought and went and flicked through the channels. He caught the end of the news, and then some show that Edge had never seen before started. He watched it for a few minutes as he finished his sandwich, and then stood up and turned on the Nintendo.

The phone rang as he was putting his plate in the sink, and he walked past it on the way out with an opened second bottle of beer in hand. He set it down next to his half finished first bottle, and picked up the Nintendo controller. The phone stopped ringing, and Edge sat down with a self-satisfied grin and brought the bottle to his lips.

He got as far as the world screen before the phone started to ring once more. Edge sighed, tempted just to let it ring out again, but a second call usually meant something important. He pulled himself from the couch and quickly made his way to the kitchen, snatching the phone up mid ring. “Hello?”

Bono chuckled lazily, and Edge closed his eyes. “I knew you were home.”

“I was distracted by Mario.”

“What? Who’s Mario? Do I have to come and kick his arse?”

“It’s a game.”

Bono laughed once again, and it came deep from the back of his throat. “I know it’s a game, I’m not completely sheltered, Edge.”

Edge smiled as he wandered back towards the couch. He had a few stories that could have proved Bono wrong, and he was sure Bono had a few excuses for all of them. “Did you want something? I was in the middle of throwing barrels at things.”

“That’s Donkey Kong,” Bono said smugly.

“Fine, you’re not sheltered.” Edge turned off the Nintendo, not knowing why he’d even bothered. “Did you see on the news? There’s rioting in Los Angeles.” He sat down on the couch and put his feet up on the coffee table.

“No, I’ve been terribly busy.” Bono sighed, and Edge picked up his beer, knowing there was more to come. “I oversaw the construction of a rather elaborate sandcastle today, Edge.”

Edge choked back a laugh and swallowed his mouthful. There was a certain lilt to Bono’s voice that left Edge knowing he’d done more than just build sandcastles. It was the night for drinking, it seemed. “Did you now?”

“I did, you would have been impressed.”

“With you, or with the sandcastle?”

There was a pause. “I would hope both,” Bono murmured, and Edge set his bottle down on the table. He listened to Bono breathing, and found himself matching it, breath for breath, and they were slightly off kilter. “What else? I made a few phone calls after I got home, most of them work related, one of them not. We had pancakes for dinner, and-”

“Pancakes?”

“I know, it’s terrible. I’m scared my pants aren’t going to fit when we go back.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“I’d hoped I would have a few more years before entering the Fat Elvis stage of my life.”

Edge shook his head. “You’re not fat.”

Bono carried on like Edge hadn’t even spoken. “A glass of chardonnay goes surprisingly well with pancakes, did you know that, The Edge?” He laughed, and Edge smiled to himself. There it was.

“Was it just one glass, Bono?”

“Would you believe it? I suppose you wouldn’t.” Bono’s breath huffed loudly into the receiver. “I’ve been thinking about you tonight.” His words stopped Edge short, dropped the smile from his face. It had almost been a normal conversation, like they might have had a month or so ago, and Bono continued on before Edge could get too far in his thoughts. “I did try to assist Ali in bathing Eve, I’ll have you know. And then I assisted myself into the bath. There was more sand than I’d expected.” Edge didn’t answer, and Bono didn’t seem to care. “I pictured you and I together on the beach in Killiney, Edge.”

Edge didn’t dare ask how he’d pictured them, though he couldn’t stop the slight curl of his toes that followed the thought in his mind. He picked up his beer to find some balance. “Oh?”

“I made a call to the Shelbourne today, Edge, I’ve gotten us a room for tomorrow night. Have you been there before?”

Edge swallowed his mouthful. “I’ve not, no, but I hear it - it’s nice?”

“Oh, I could only pick out the most finest for you, darlin’.” He said it with a slight put-upon Southern twang, and why, Edge never knew; usually, he thought it must have been to make him laugh. Edge picked up the second bottle and immediately downed half of it. Bono was breathing in his ear, a steady presence that reminded him entirely too much of what was to come. “Is Adam there?”

“Gone to the pub.”

“Really? You’re alone then.”

“Yes.” Edge licked his lips. He knew he had to be the bigger person, and it was hard. “I don’t think you should come over though.”

“I wasn’t suggesting I come over. I’m still in the bath actually.” There was a splashing noise, and Bono chuckled. “The water has started to go cold though. I’ve been in here for so long, my fingers have gone all wrinkly.”

Edge shook his head. “Maybe you should get out?”

“In a minute, I might.” There was a pause, and then Bono sighed. “Edge.” He didn’t continue, just breathed once more into Edge’s ear.

“What is it?”

“What were you thinking today, when you were kissing me?”

Edge gripped the phone a bit tighter.  “Bono-”

“What about when I had my hand in your pants, Edge. What were you thinking then?” The breath hitched in Edge’s throat, and Bono laughed again, but it was darker this time. “I wanted so badly to just touch you. Do you know what I was thinking before I called you?” Edge didn’t answer, and Bono hummed into the phone. “I was thinking of your cock in my mouth.”

Edge’s mouth fell open, and he jammed the heel of his hand against his crotch. “Jesus.”

There was that laugh again, and Edge could hear the faint sound of water sloshing back and forth. “I was thinking of what you might taste like. Could you imagine what I might have done, with those types of thoughts running through my mind?” Edge could imagine, he could picture it quite vividly, and he undid his pants almost frantically and slid his hand under the band of his underwear. He squeezed his eyes shut at the first feel of skin against skin, and he went slowly. “I’ve been in here a long time, Edge, the water’s gone cold.” He paused, and Edge wondered if Bono could hear him, hear the slick slide of his hand, and a small whine left the back of his throat. “Would you have fucked me today, had we been alone in the house?” Edge didn’t answer, but Bono was persistent. “Edge, would you have fucked me?”

Edge let out a shaky breath. “Yes.”

“Mmm.” There was another pause, and Edge listened to Bono’s breathing, so close against his ear. He stilled his hand, and it was torturous.

“Come over.”

“I can’t,” Bono murmured. “I can’t, Edge.” He sounded truly pained by it, and the thought should have comforted Edge, but it left him feeling all the worse from it. “The Shelbourne, alright? I don’t remember the room number, but I’ll know it tomorrow.”

“Alright.”

There was a short silence, and then Bono whispered, “I’ll make it good for you.”

The call ended, and Edge sat there for a stunned moment, his hand in his pants and the phone pressed against his ear. He set the phone down on the coffee table and stared at it. He could still hear Bono’s breath in his ear, could picture his moans, and it was all in his head. He let his mind linger for a moment, and could have stayed there, but he was keenly aware of the front door being so close. Adam would still be hours, he knew, but he also knew his luck, and he stood up abruptly and shuffled towards his bedroom. His jeans were hanging low around his waist, threatening with each step to hit the ground, and he was still a few steps away from his door when they made good on their promise. He kicked off his shoes and stepped out of his pants and left them there, then entered his room and shut the door behind him.

He had the good sense to step out of his underwear before falling flat on his back on the bed, and he was tempted to go fast and feel the burn. But he knew the satisfaction would not last that way, and so he bent his knees and dug his heels into the covers, and he dragged a hand down his stomach, slowly, slower until he landed on his erection once more. His other hand found his nipple, his skin and finally the sheets and he thought of Bono. He had enough to base his fantasies on, the feel of Bono’s body against his, his lips on him, and he knew the noises Bono could make. He took his time, and he painted a gorgeous picture in his mind that made him lose complete and utter control. His orgasm was sudden, and his knees trembled from the force of it. He kept on stroking his cock until he couldn’t bear it anymore, until he became aware of the noises coming from the back of his throat, and he shuddered once more and then was still.

It took him a minute to catch his breath, and he lifted his hand to look at the mess he had made. He pulled himself up until he was almost sitting and stared down at his shirt, at the splatter of come that he was sure was going to stain if he didn’t do something about it soon, and he smiled and wiped his hand on the material. The shirt came off, and Edge threw it across the room before climbing under the covers. He wanted to touch himself everywhere, wanted to spread the tingle that he felt in his fingers and belly, and he wanted to get in his car and drive. He wanted so much and he settled for the thought – still so fresh in his mind – of Bono’s breath against his skin. He stayed there until his body finally settled and his hand went lax against his stomach. He thought about rolling over and turning the light off, but he was warm, too warm.

His body felt heavy, and he knew he must have slept but he couldn’t quite remember drifting off. It was a struggle to open his eyes, and when he did he immediately looked to the clock. Not even three am. It was the sound of footsteps in the next room that had woke him, and they were faint but staggered. Edge listened to Adam shift around, trying to figure out from his movement how much he’d had to drink, but he lost interest pretty quickly, his brain struggling. He set his alarm and turned off the light, then rolled over and buried his face deep into the pillow.

Adam managed to beat him out of bed the next morning, and Edge wasn’t the least bit surprised. He stood in his doorway and finished tying the belt of his bathrobe, and Adam lifted his mug in greeting and leaned against the back of the couch. He looked far too awake for the amount of sleep and drink Edge was sure he’d had, and Edge envied him. “Good morning.”

“Morning.” Edge yawned and leaned against the door frame. Adam had a peculiar look on his face, and it left Edge feeling a bit off himself. “Did you have a good night last night?”

“Just wonderful, and you?” Adam asked. Edge opened his mouth to answer and stopped himself immediately as the night before flooded back to him. “Were you alone in there, Edge?”

Edge felt his cheeks go hot. “Of course I was, why?” Adam didn’t answer, just reached behind him to grab something from the couch. He pulled up a pair of jeans and Edge’s eyes widened. “Oh shit.”

“Did you get too hot last night, Edge?” Adam teased, a slow smile appearing on his face. Edge didn’t answer, just stalked forward to snatch the pants from Adam’s hand. He headed back to his bedroom and shut the door behind him, trying and failing to ignore Adam’s laughter behind him.

It was a quiet drive to Paul’s, and Adam fiddled with the radio until he found a station he liked, then leaned against the door and looked at Edge with an amused little smile on his face. Edge just kept his eyes forward and concentrated on driving, and eventually Adam lost interest and turned to stare out the window. They were late to arrive at Paul’s, and usually Edge might have been slightly bothered by his own tardiness, but he found himself not caring in the least. There were a lot more cars than he’d expected, and he could only focus on Bono’s as they headed towards the door.

Kathy greeted them at the door with a hug and a kiss, and Paul was right behind her, a drink already in hand, and they chatted away on the way to the dining area. Edge nodded along when Adam did and caught a few words here and there, but he was distracted. It was tour talk, and it wasn’t something he could focus on for at least another day. He was feeling more than a little flustered by the time they entered the dining room, and there were people there he knew, people from Principle, people who called hello to him and Adam and patted him on the back, but all he could focus on was Bono.

Kathy had sat sown next to him and it looked to be a serious discussion they were having, but he lifted his head soon enough to look up at them, and he smiled. It was lazy and crooked with too many teeth, and it left Edge realizing that maybe flustered wasn’t quite the word to describe how he was feeling. Crazy seemed more fitting, and he nearly walked over, nearly pulled Bono away, but a hand wrapped around his neck and pulled.

Larry grinned at him fondly, his hand sliding from Edge’s neck to his shoulder. “You look tired,” he said by way of greeting, and Edge shrugged.

“I don’t know why, I’d have thought he would have slept quite well last night,” Adam said, and he laughed to himself. Larry just looked bemused and Edge took the chance to slip out from under his hand and take his a seat. He chose the end chair, and he didn’t want to be rude, but he didn’t feel much like talking to people. Adam sat next to him, still grinning to himself. Larry just stood there for a moment with a frown on his face, and then he took the seat across from Edge. He drummed his fingers on the table as he looked around the room, and then he turned back to Edge.

“It’s been a long couple of days,” Edge explained.

“Has it now? I’ve felt like they’ve flown by,” Larry said. Adam laughed again and Larry focused his attention on him. “What?”

“I don’t really know,” Adam admitted. “Have you talked to Paul yet?”

“Only briefly, why?”

“How long do you think before he starts talking business?”

Larry mulled the question over before settling back into his chair. “How long do _you_ think?”

Adam shook his head. “It’s not going to work like that, Larry, I asked first.”

“Can we put some money on it then?”

Edge stood up quickly and walked around Larry, ignoring the questioning gaze that followed. He passed Sheila, passed Paul and Kathy, and looked down at Bono, who swallowed his drink and gave Edge a grin. “Hi there.”

“Do you have a minute?” Edge asked bluntly.

Bono licked his lips and set his glass down on the table. “I might after lunch,” he said.

“I’d prefer now.”

“And I’d prefer to eat first.” Bono picked up his glass once more and raised it at Edge in a mock toast. He didn’t drink from it though, just ran his tongue over his teeth, looking thoughtful as he stared Edge down. Edge wanted to argue, wanted to grab Bono’s arm and pull, but Kathy was there looking at the both of them like she was about to start asking questions, and Edge found it in himself to offer her a smile. It was tentatively returned, and Bono shifted back into Edge’s line of view with a put-upon look on his face. “You could come sit with us.”

Edge shrugged. “You could come sit with _us_.”

Bono glanced down the table, and his hand came up to rub at his neck. “I only see one empty chair and it’s yours. Unless you’d like me to come sit in your lap?” He took a sip from his glass, looking pleased with himself, and Edge’s heart started thumping a bit faster in his chest.

Kathy had lost interest in their conversation and had turned back to talk to her husband, and Edge was glad for it. He leaned in close until his lips were nearly brushing Bono’s ear. “I wouldn’t say no.” He didn’t wait for Bono to respond, just turned and made his way back to his seat. He glanced over as he sat down and saw Bono looking his way with a small smile playing on his face.

Edge didn’t smile back, and he found Larry looking at him with a curious expression on his face. “What was that all about?”

Edge shrugged. “Just talking business.”

They were served soup first and then out came the chicken, and it was lovely, but Edge could barely focus on what he was eating, let alone what was happening around him. He was stuck, and more than once he found himself glancing over to look at Bono. He wasn’t the only one picking at his food, it seemed, and Edge watched Bono’s hand run across his mouth, watched him lean in to speak with Paul and watched his face light up with laughter. He could hear it from across the room, loud and delighted, and Edge took a sip of his wine and sat back in his chair. He couldn’t help but think of Bono laughing at him the night before, and he couldn’t help but think of what Bono had said to him in the bath. He watched Bono’s mouth move as he spoke, as he drank from his glass, and he watched him lick away the taste of the wine. Edge was faintly aware of someone calling his name, but he ignored them completely and focused on the thought that was running through his mind.

There was a sharp, sudden pain in his shin and Edge cried out, instantly reaching down under the table to rub at his throbbing leg. He glared at Larry, who just sat there looking nonchalant. “What the fuck did you do that for?”

Larry shrugged. “It got your attention, didn’t it?”

Edge winced and rubbed at his shin once more. “What?”

“You seem awfully distracted there, Edge.” Larry looked innocent enough, but Edge knew that there was something working under the surface, and he wondered for a brief moment if his thoughts had been written all over his face. “Edge?”

Edge felt his cheeks go hot, and he looked at Adam for support, but Adam just shrugged and picked up his fork. He turned back to Larry’s even stare, and it almost slipped out of him, not just the thought of Bono on his knees, but everything. He shook it off quickly, and stood up. “I’m going for a piss.”

He half expected Larry to follow him, but he was alone when he walked into the bathroom. He clicked the lock in place and flipped the toilet seat up and took care of business, and he washed his hands at the sink and stared at his reflection in the mirror. The towel was soft against his hands, only the best for Paul, and Edge didn’t want to go back out there. He hesitated, running his hand along the tiled wall and inspecting the soap by the bathtub, and then he sighed and went and yanked open the door.

Bono jerked back in surprise, his hand outstretched towards the handle, and Edge couldn’t help the shocked yelp that left his mouth. His hand came up to press against his chest, and Bono smiled slowly, looking a little embarrassed. “Sorry, I-” He cut himself off with a laugh, and looked at Edge sidelong. “Could you step aside?”

Edge took two steps back instead; his hand still holding onto the door, and Bono’s smile grew wider. He glanced down the hallway and then slipped inside the bathroom until he was pressed up close against Edge’s body, and Edge pushed the door closed with a flick of the wrist. He had Bono up against the door in seconds, and Bono huffed out a laugh. “I actually did need to go,” he confessed, and Edge felt for the lock and turned it. Bono didn’t look entirely bothered, and Edge could see his chest rising and falling and feel his breath quickening, and it left Edge feeling warm.

He crowded Bono closer against the wood, and he pressed his hand beside dark hair, trying to find a bit of leverage. “Hold it,” he said.

Bono drew his lower lip against his teeth and he nodded. “I can do that.” He cocked his head to the side, his gaze not breaking from Edge’s, and Edge took it as an in and leaned forward. Bono smiled and turned his head, and Edge’s lips grazed against his cheek. “Is this why you wanted me before?” His tone was teasing and Edge was tempted to shake him.

“It was part of it.”

“Hmm. What was the other part?” Edge didn’t answer, feeling a bit strange about saying it out loud, and Bono leaned forward until his mouth was pressed against Edge’s wrist. He nipped the skin with his teeth, and Edge grabbed his hair and pulled until Bono was facing him directly. He was laughing quietly, and Edge leaned in once more. Bono let him this time, his mouth opening against Edge’s and he moaned, his arms coming up to wrap around Edge’s neck. He tasted like wine and faint cigarette smoke, and he caught Edge’s lower lip between his teeth. Edge pulled away, Bono’s stubble burning against his cheek and he breathed in Bono’s shampoo, the scent of his aftershave, and Bono’s hair was soft against his fingers. He clutched tight and kissed Bono’s neck, feeling the pulse there race against his lips, and it was dizzying. He wanted to taste there, and he knew he shouldn’t; he knew it was too dangerous, but Bono tilted his head to the side, and he couldn’t help himself. Bono jerked slightly at the first touch, and then he groaned as Edge began to suck. “Edge.” He tried to pull away and Edge followed him, and his head was swimming. He sucked harder, and Bono yanked his head back. There was a thud, and it took Edge a few seconds to figure out why. He looked up and found Bono wincing, and he brought a hand up to rub at the back of his head. “Ow.”

“Are you alright?” Edge asked, and Bono laughed.

“I might be concussed.” He licked his lips and gave Edge a sly look. “You’ll have to make sure I don’t fall asleep tonight.” Any concern that Edge might have had went straight out the window, and he looked at Bono’s neck, looked at the wet redness there and he leaned back in. “Edge.” Bono warned. “No sucking.”

“I want to.”

“You’ll leave a mark.”

“That’s the point.” He pulled back though and found Bono staring at him, looking stunned. His throat bobbed, and he pulled Edge in close and hugged him tightly. It left Edge feeling a bit confused, but he hugged Bono back, his hands dragging up and down his back. He wanted to go lower, wanted to touch Bono everywhere, but Bono was content just to hug him. “What was it you were saying last night? What you were thinking about?”

Bono smirked, and Edge could feel it against his neck. Edge pulled back to see his face, his hands finding Bono's hips, and Bono looked pretty proud of himself. “Did you like it?”

“It wasn’t fair.”

Bono leaned his head back against the door, gently, and he raised a single eyebrow at Edge. “I know.” He ran his thumb against the back of Edge’s neck, and his eyes dragged down Edge’s body before landing back on his face. “Did you want to fuck my mouth?”  Edge’s mouth fell open and his breath stuttered out, and he could picture it easily, and he felt the heat pool in his groin, but it wasn’t really what he wanted. Bono leaned in, his breath ghosting against Edge’s chin. “Did you want it, Edge?” He looked surprised when Edge shook his head, but he recovered quickly. “Well, good, I was going to say, you’re not getting off that easily.” He laughed, and Edge dragged his hands down until he was cupping Bono’s arse. Bono squirmed against his touch, and he gave Edge a wild look. “Should save something for tonight, you’re not nineteen anymore.”

“Bono-”

“I want it all, Edge.” His voice shook, but his gaze was steady, and Edge watched the slight tremble of his lower lip as he breathed, and Edge was done. He slid a hand around Bono’s waist, over the slight jut of his hipbone, and he sucked in a breath before he found the crotch of Bono’s jeans. Bono’s lips parted slightly, but it was the only reaction he gave until Edge started to rub. “Oh shit.”

Edge chuckled. He felt slightly unhinged and he could feel Bono through the rough material, feel the outline of his cock, and it was astounding to him that he’d never thought to do it before. He watched the bob of Bono’s throat, and heard the moan, and then Bono parted his legs slightly and it was all the permission Edge needed. He pulled both hands from Bono’s body and found the buckle of his belt. It should have been easy, but his hands were shaking and Edge couldn’t believe it. He got there eventually, and Bono was watching his hands now, his head bent close to Edge’s and his harsh breath near to Edge’s own. He flicked open the button and dragged the zipper down, and it was easier, so much easier than the belt had been, and he could see the band of Bono’s underwear and he was wearing Calvin’s. A shudder went through Bono’s body and Edge turned to look at his face and he was surprised by what he saw there. Bono looked as if he was about to cry. “Are you alright?”

Bono blinked at him, and then he nodded. He managed a smile, though it was shaky, and Edge pulled away. “No.” Bono’s hands slid from around his neck and he grabbed at Edge’s wrists, tugging them back until his hands were laid flat against the sagging waist of his jeans. His hands came to cover Edge’s briefly before dropping to his sides, and their eyes met. “Edge,” Bono murmured. His face was wide open in a way that Edge had never seen before, and Edge couldn’t tear his eyes away.

“I’ll make it good for you.” It slipped out of his mouth, and it was only when Bono smiled did Edge recall Bono saying those exact words to him the night before. He felt his face flush, but Bono kept on smiling and it gave him the courage he needed to dig his thumbs under Bono’s underwear and start to drag down. The jeans came with it, revealing the dark thickness of Bono’s pubic hair, and then Bono was completely exposed. Bono’s fingers brushed lightly against his, and then Bono was gripping his hand and pulling until they were both skimming through thick hair. Bono’s stomach tightened and he let out a needy little gasp, but Edge couldn’t yet bring himself to drop his hand.

He’d seen Bono naked before, so many times that he barely even batted an eye anymore, but this was different and Edge couldn’t stop staring. Bono’s cock had begun to harden, begun to turn into something other than the delicate thing that it was, and Edge swallowed thickly. Bono huffed out a breath and staggered his legs further apart, and Edge took the hint and dropped his hand.

Bono was soft in his palm, and Edge closed his fingers and lightly squeezed until Bono’s head fell back against the wood of the door. He kept his gaze on Edge though, the blue of his eyes bright under hooded lids, and his hand came up to wrap around Edge’s neck. He was trembling slightly, and Edge nearly stopped, nearly paused to ask, to press his lips against his skin but Bono gave a slight nod before Edge could do any of those things. There was a pause, Bono’s breath coming out in short pants, and then Edge started to move his hand, feeling Bono come alive under his fingers, feeling him thicken and warm against the slide. It was rough, too rough, and Edge took his hand away to lick his palm, and when he brought it back Bono gave a shudder and tilted his hips further into Edge’s touch. His head fell forward until their foreheads touched, and Edge could feel the damp of the sweat forming on his skin. He’d caused that; he’d caused all of it, and Bono let out a moan, his eyes following the slow drag of Edge’s hand.

Edge was transfixed. He knew his own body inside out, knew the best way to bring himself off, but Bono was different and Edge took in every little twitch and moan, his breath coming out in short pants against Edge’s lips. Bono was focused on the shift of his hand, but Edge was stuck on the rising colour of Bono’s cheeks, the soft lines of his face as he briefly squeezed his eyes shut, and he was lovely. Edge quickened his hand, almost desperate to see what face Bono made when he came, and blunt fingernails dug into his neck. It wasn’t enough, and Edge dragged his thumb over Bono’s slit, feeling the wetness there, and Bono jerked against him, his mouth falling open. “Oh – oh god,” he gasped, his head lolling to the side to expose the mark where Edge’s mouth had been. It was red and slightly raised, and Edge hoped that people would see it. He leaned in and pressed his mouth against the mark, and Bono slammed his head back against the door with a strangled gasp. And then he was jerking forward into Edge as the sound of a knock resonated through the room.

“Edge?” Larry called through the door and they both froze. Bono’s eyes were huge and he looked at Edge desperately, and Edge just shook his head. “Edge, did you fall in?”

Edge cleared his throat before answering. “I’ll be out in a minute!” There was no response, and Bono opened his mouth to say something, his brow furrowed, but Edge brought his free hand up to cover his mouth before a single word could escape. “Shh,” he whispered, and Bono’s eyes widened. He nodded though, and Edge left his hand against his mouth, feeling his wet breath against his skin. He bit his lip, keeping his eyes on Bono’s face, and he moved his hand against Bono’s cock. It was slick against his palm and Bono’s eyelids fluttered. He was close, Edge knew he was close, and he tightened his grip on Bono’s mouth.

The door rattled once more from the force of Larry’s knocking, and Bono shook his head. He was slipping away before Edge could stop him, his hands reaching to pull at his pants. He gave Edge a wretched smile and Edge felt helpless, his hands feeling empty as Bono leaned against the wall. “Edge?” Larry called, and Edge wanted to scream.

Bono shrugged. “Go,” he said quietly, and Edge swallowed and then unlocked the door.

 He slid outside, swiftly shutting the door behind him, and Larry let his hand fall to his side. His eyes raked over Edge’s face and Edge knew how he must have looked; his face was too hot and his heart was racing, and he couldn’t quite calm himself. Larry stepped forward, concern written all over his face. “Are you feeling alright?”

“I’m fine, fine,” Edge managed. Larry didn’t look convinced, and he took another step forward, his hand reaching out to touch Edge. There was a soft click behind him, the click of the door being locked, and Larry’s brow furrowed. His hand dropped back to his side and his eyes slid down to stare at the door handle, and Edge felt like he couldn’t breathe. Larry wasn’t stupid, Larry was far from stupid, and it took him only a few seconds, and then his gaze was back on Edge’s face. His eyes said it all, and Edge was at a loss. “Larry-”

“Jesus,” Larry breathed, and Edge just shook his head and pushed past him. He didn’t look back, and he knew Larry wasn’t going to follow him. He was Bono’s problem now, and the thought made his chest clench and he walked just a bit faster.

He didn’t go back to the dining room, just kept walking until he ended up outside. He walked to his car and considered getting in, but he knew he couldn’t just leave Adam behind. Still, he fiddled with the keys in his pocket for a beat too long before going and sitting on the bonnet of the car. It was a nice day and Edge looked up at the sky until the sun started to burn at his eyes, and he tried to will his body to calm down. It took a while to get even close, and he stare at the house hoping that no one came out to look for him. The lunch had been mostly for the four of them, Edge was sure, and he couldn’t find it in himself to feel bad for leaving. He rubbed his fingers against his palm, and he could almost feel Bono still. He ached to go back inside and finish the job, and he had to keep reminding himself that in a few short hours he would be able to do exactly that.

Edge was usually a patient man, but it was getting harder by the second. He looked back up at the sky and breathed deeply, trying to get Larry's face out of his mind, trying to find some inner peace, and when he came back down to earth he spotted Adam walking casually towards him. Edge waited until Adam got close enough, and then he raised his hand in a half-hearted wave. “Hi.”

“Hi yourself.” Adam squinted at him though his sunglasses, and then looked towards the garden. “It’s warm today.”

“It is,” Edge agreed. He folded his hands in his lap and Adam smiled at him, and then slipped his own hands in his pocket.

“There are a few people in there wondering where you’ve gone.”

Edge sighed. “Is Larry one of them?”

“He might be.” Edge nodded, and Adam looked at him curiously. “Do you want to go back inside?”

“No, not really.” He had no qualms about saying so, and Adam didn’t argue.

They were silent for a bit, and then Adam let out a stream of air through his front teeth. “Do you want a smoke?”

Edge smiled. “No.”

“Do you want to go home?”

“I do.”

Adam nodded. “Alight then.” He waited for Edge to slide off the bonnet before going to stand by the passenger door, and Edge could have hugged him. He didn’t though, just unlocked the car and they both slipped inside.

 Edge shut the door behind him and stuck the key in the ignition, and he went to turn it, but he caught sight of Bono’s car out the corner of his eye and he remembered. The room number. “Shit.”

“What’s the matter?”

Edge looked at Adam, and considered for a second just asking him to go in and get what he needed, but there was concern in Adam’s eyes. He shook his head. “I need to go ask Bono something,” he said ruefully.

Adam nodded. “Turn the radio on then, would you?”

Edge smiled, but Adam was already fishing around in his pockets. He turned the key until the radio came on and opened the door. “I won’t be long.”

Adam laughed and stuck a cigarette between his lips. “I’m sure,” he muttered. Edge chose to ignore him and climbed out the car. He briskly walked towards the entrance of the house, his palms feeling clammy in his pockets.

Larry was talking with a man who Edge recognized but couldn’t put a name to, and he didn’t look up when Edge walked in the room. Edge was thankful for that, and he scanned the room and came up empty. He wondered for a moment if Bono was still hiding in the bathroom and if Larry had just gotten bored of waiting, but then he took a couple of steps back and looked through the door of the lounge.

Bono was sitting there with a near empty glass in his hand, looking cool, calm and collected as he talked to Sheila. Edge hadn’t exactly expected him to still be rumpled and hard, but it still took him by surprise. He stepped into the room, and they both looked up, and Sheila smiled at him. Edge smiled back tightly, and then looked back at Bono; saw his throat bob from behind his pulled up collar; his eyes briefly rake up and down Edge’s body. “Edge!” Sheila said brightly. “I thought you’d left.”

“So did I.” Bono set his glass down on the table and leaned forward in his seat. Edge looked at his face shift, and then turned to Sheila.

“Sorry, I need Bono,” he said apologetically, and Sheila nodded.

“Sure.”

Bono was still for a second, his tongue coming out to push against his lower lip, and then he turned to Sheila and made a face. “I’m in trouble.” He waited for her to grin before standing up, and he pushed past Edge and headed for the door. “I’m all yours,” he called over his shoulder, and Edge smiled at Sheila before turning to catch up to him. He grabbed at Bono’s wrist just as Bono was starting towards the hallway, and yanked until he got the picture. Still, Edge kept his hold on him until they were well outside, and Bono looked slightly put out when he dropped his hand. “Are we leaving?”

“I am,” Edge said, and Bono’s face dropped. He ran a hand through his hair and looked out towards the garden, and Edge felt his stomach twist a little. “I need to go get ready for tonight.”

Bono turned back to him, his gaze sharp, and then he broke into a grin. “Is that so?” He took a step forward, and Edge gestured towards the driveway.

“Adam’s in the car.”

Bono shrugged, and he wrapped his arms around Edge’s shoulders. His nose pressed into Edge’s neck and he breathed deeply. “I don’t care,” he murmured, and Edge closed his eyes. “I don’t fucking care.”

Edge pulled him close, terribly aware of how close the front door was and how many people were still inside. He kept his eye on the door, and brought a hand up to the back of Bono’s head. “I could have murdered Larry before,” he admitted, and Bono shook with laughter.

“He asked me what we had been doing in there.” Bono pulled away enough so that he could look at Edge, and his eyes were bright. “I wasn’t especially in a state to come up with a brilliant answer, so I told him we had been comparing penis sizes and walked off.” Edge stared at him for a moment, and then he shook his head with a laugh. It was all he could do. “I didn’t know what else to say, I wasn’t exactly going to tell him the truth!” He looked somewhat proud of himself, and Edge nearly kissed him. He wanted to badly, to grab his hand and pull him back into the bathroom, but instead he took a step back until Bono’s arms dropped from his shoulders. It was difficult and Bono looked disappointed, his hands slipping into his pockets. “So, what is it?”

“What’s what?”

Bono cocked his head to the side, a wry smile appearing on his face. “You told Sheila you needed me.”

Edge nodded. “Right, right. I just needed the room number.”

Bono pursed his lips and looked out at the driveway, towards Edge’s car. His face was blank when he turned back, and Edge was left feeling a little confused. “A hundred and four. It’s not the penthouse, but we’re not really there for the room, are we?” He took a step back towards the house, and shrugged his shoulders. He was frowning, and his words barely registered in Edge’s mind, just the tone.

“Are you alright?” he asked. Bono sighed, and he brought a hand up to rub at his face.

“Yeah, I just-” He cut himself off with a laugh, and shook his head. “I don’t know, Edge, I’m fucking frustrated.”

“Why?”

Bono rolled his eyes and shifted forward, then reached out a hand to pinch at Edge’s shirt between thumb and finger. Edge allowed himself to be pulled, and Bono grinned at him. It was as unsettling as it was affecting, and Edge was usually used to Bono’s random mood swings, but this was something different. They looked at each other, and then Bono leaned in close till his mouth was at Edge’s ear. “Frustrated, Edge,” he said pointedly, and dragged their hips together. Edge shuddered, and grabbed at Bono’s arm, not sure what he wanted to do until he was pushing Bono up against the wall. Bono gasped out, the breath slightly knocked from his lungs, and Edge didn’t wait, just leaned in. A horn sounded from the driveway, cutting through the air like a knife. They both froze, staring at one another until the horn blared again, and Bono grinned. “I think you’re wanted.”

“Yeah,” Edge agreed, but it took him a few seconds longer to straighten up and step back. Bono wiped at his mouth like Edge had kissed him, and it was tempting, so tempting. “A hundred and four?”

“A hundred and four,” Bono confirmed, a little breathlessly, and Edge glanced at the door before leaning in. He kissed Bono, a light press of the lips, and he felt Bono smile against his mouth. He moved to Bono’s cheek and kissed him there before pulling away, and it left him feeling a little flustered. Bono licked his lips, his eyes bright as he looked at Edge. “What time?”

Edge checked his watch. It was just gone three thirty, and he didn’t want to wait long, but he knew Bono had responsibilities at home. “Eight?” Bono just nodded, and they looked at each other until Bono started to chuckle. “What?”

“I don’t know,” Bono said with the shake of his head. “You need to go. Go deal with the problem child.” He gestured towards the driveway, and Edge smiled.

“I thought you were the problem child?”

“Aren’t we all?” Bono mused, and then he was stepping towards the door. “Go.”

“I’m going.”

“Alright.” Bono paused, his hand on the door handle, and he gave Edge a shaky smile. “Eight it is.” He didn’t wait for a response, just opened the door and stepped inside.

“Right,” Edge said to himself once the door clicked shut. He looked at the expensive wood of it, and then dragged his eyes along the paneling before turning and making his way back to the car.

“Are you mental?” Adam exclaimed before Edge was even properly inside. “Do you know how many people could have walked outside and seen that?”

Edge shut the door and put his seatbelt on, and then turned to face Adam. “Yes,” he said, and Adam stared at him sharply before shaking his head.

“Oh mate,” he muttered, and fell back against his seat. Edge sucked in a deep breath through his nose, and then he turned the key in the ignition. The engine shuddered on, and Edge reached for the gear-stick. He didn’t put it to use though, just rested his hand against it and turned back to Adam.

“Did Larry say anything?”

“Larry says a lot of things,” Adam replied tersely. Edge frowned at him and Adam rolled his eyes. “He did, of course he did. He’s not a fucking idiot, Edge.”

“I didn’t say he was.”

“I played dumb until he dropped it, but well, you know.” Adam shrugged. “He's pretty quick on the mark.”

“Yeah.”

They sat in silence, and then Edge shifted into reverse. He let the handbrake go, and carefully backed out of the driveway. It wasn’t until they were well down the road that Adam piped up once more, and he did it with a small grin. “Maybe next time you should choose somewhere other than Paul’s bathroom to get your jollies off.”

Edge chuckled and quickly glanced at him before turning back to the road. “It wasn’t my jollies I was trying to get off,” he mumbled. He could feel Adam’s eyes burning into him, and didn’t have to look to figure his expression. The thought made him laugh again and then Adam started along with him.

“Jesus Christ,” he said, and Edge just shook his head, a sense of hysteria washing over him as he reached for his sunglasses. It passed quickly, and he focused on the road.


	13. Breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so sorry this took so long. I've had a difficult couple of weeks with some health stuff that no one cares about and I've been so tired and my holidays finished, but here we are. This chapter was meant to be....well, it wasn't meant to end where it did, it was meant to go on and on but if you look at the length of it already, you'll probably understand why I cut it where I did. Hopefully the next chapter won't take so long!

Adam was back and forth throughout the house, coming and going in front of Edge; to the bookcase and to his room, to the television and to the kitchen and back to the bookcase. He came up empty every single time, and with each pass he shot Edge a look that held about twenty different emotions in it. On the last trip, Edge just raised his almost empty mug of tea in the air and Adam stopped and shook his head. He sat down on the couch next to Edge, slumping almost immediately and crossed his arms over his chest before turning to stare at Edge. It was reminiscent of their teenage years, though usually it had been Larry in Adam’s position. He finished his tea and set the mug down on the coffee table, and he felt terribly calm, and he knew he should have felt something else entirely but he couldn't muster it. He just felt calm. “What time are you leaving?” Adam asked.

“In a couple of hours.” Edge looked at his watch to confirm, and Adam pulled himself into a proper sitting position. He glanced at Edge’s wrist briefly, and then turned to look at the television. It was on mute, and the two actors on the screen looked to be having a passionate argument. He knew the woman, knew her from somewhere, but he couldn’t quite place her face, and when he turned away Adam was looking at him. “What?”

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Edge responded, and it was the truth. Adam gave him an onceover, and then shook his head. “Are _you_ alright?”

Adam didn’t answer, his eyes sliding back towards the television. He was frowning and he was silent for so long that Edge went past concern and started considering going and making them both a cup of tea. “I was thinking last night that this is going to change everything.”

“You were the one advocating-”

“ _But_ ,” Adam cut in loudly, and Edge sat back in his seat. “It occurred to me today that it really isn’t.” He looked at Edge and shrugged, his hands gesturing uselessly. “You both have always been a bit-” The shrug came again and Edge frowned.

“A bit?”

“A bit.” Adam said it like a confirmation, and he smiled faintly at Edge. “I think passionate about one another would be the best way for me to put it. And Bono’s been all over you from the word go.” Edge went to argue, but he knew he didn’t have a leg to stand on, knew that it was completely true. “It’s really more of a progression than a change, if you think about it.” He leaned forward onto his knees, and he rubbed at his lips with his fingers.

Edge waited for Adam to continue; he knew that there was more to it, but Adam just dropped his hand and watched the television. “Adam-”

“It’s a rather large progression though, isn’t it?” Adam straightened up, his eyes staying on the television, and a hint of a smile crossed his lips. “I don’t know how you can be so calm. I mean, it’s _Bono_.”

Edge frowned. “I know that.”

Adam looked at him then, really looked at him, and Edge shifted slightly in his seat. Adam just smiled, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “Aren’t you at least a little nervous?”

Edge opened his mouth to answer, but Adam was still looking at him, and it made him stop for just a moment. He thought about it, and he came back with the exact same answer. “No.” Adam nodded, and Edge wasn’t entirely sure if he was convinced. “It feels-” He stopped abruptly and sat back against the couch. He couldn’t tell Adam, couldn’t tell him how right it had felt, how natural it was to hold Bono in his hand and how he’d spent the entire car ride home reliving it all. He knew Adam might understand, might pretend to understand, but he just couldn’t tell him. It had happened so quickly that he could understand where Adam was coming from, but it was too private. “I’m actually fine.”

Adam nodded again, and his hand came up to rub at his face. He looked exhausted, and it had taken Edge hours to notice. “That’s all I wanted to know.” A smile appeared on his face, his eyes crinkling, and Edge returned it tentatively. He had a feeling that there was still more, that Adam wasn’t even sure he knew what he was trying to ask or say, but Adam was standing up before Edge could say anything. “You should eat before you go. I think there’s still some of Mum’s soup in the freezer?”

Edge checked his watch once more, though it hadn’t changed much since the last time. He looked up at Adam’s inquisitive face and nodded. “Yeah. I might shower first.”

“I’ll defrost it a bit then.” Adam picked up Edge’s empty mug and headed for the kitchen, pausing halfway across the room. He looked back at Edge with narrowed eyes. “I wasn’t advocating.”

“You told me to get it out of my system!” Edge exclaimed.

Adam twisted his mouth slightly, and then started back towards the kitchen. “Go have your shower,” he muttered.

Edge shook his head and thought about getting up, thought about heading towards the bathroom, but he sat there for a while longer, listening to Adam shift around in the kitchen. He thought of Larry, the look that had been on his face. They were heading to Paris in a few days for rehearsal, and Edge knew that they would have to resolve some things with Larry before then, but he couldn’t call him. Not yet, maybe not even after. He half hoped that Bono would deal with it, and he tried to push the entire thing from his mind.

He looked at his hands and couldn’t help but immediately land on his fingernails. They were getting long, too long, and he knew he had to cut them before he left, because they were going places. Sensitive, delicate places, and Edge brought his hand up to his mouth as he considered exactly what sort of places. He rubbed his chin, and he thought of Bono’s face, his eyes screwed up as Edge added another finger.

Adam was talking to himself in the kitchen; what he was saying, Edge didn’t know. He didn’t really care, just let the words drone on in the back of his mind as he thought it through, and he felt a bit flustered by the time he pulled himself off the couch and headed for the bathroom. He wasn’t nervous, but he stayed under the heat of the shower for a few minutes extra, letting the hot water hammer out the tension in his body, and he stopped in front of the mirror with the towel around his waist. His chest was red, his face flushed, and he stared at his reflection intently. Edge could imagine, he could almost feel it, and he shaved slowly and precisely and nicked himself just under his ear. He brushed his teeth and went easy on the aftershave, and shoved through the bathroom cabinet before coming up with the nail clippers. He trimmed his nails in the sink and ran his fingertips over his towel, checking for any snags, then put the clippers back and gave one final glance in the mirror before walking out the door.

He put on a pair of jeans and went for some thick soled boots, and he pulled a small backpack out of his wardrobe and sat shirtless on the bed with it in hand. They’d not discussed it, but he had a feeling and he knew Bono, and it was better to be over prepared than to get stuck. He knew how stubborn Bono could be, and Edge had an image in his mind of Bono begging Edge to just continue without it, and he threw the lubricant into the bag with a small shake of the head. A box of condoms followed, and they’d not discussed that either. Edge paused, looking at the box, and he almost took it back out. It stayed in, and he added his toothbrush and some toothpaste and then stared into the near empty bag thoughtfully, wondering if he was forgetting something. He almost zipped it up and then stopped and added a spare pair of underpants. Edge wasn’t sure what was going to happen, wasn’t sure if he’d end up staying the night, but he had a feeling and it made his heart beat just a bit faster.

He zipped up the bag and tossed it on the bed, then went and looked at his shirts for far too long before chastising himself and pulling out a plain white button down. He shrugged on his jacket and put on the first baseball cap he grabbed before picking up the backpack and shutting the door behind him.

Adam was leaning against the kitchen counter, staring at the wall with a bottle of beer in his hand, and he blinked up a few seconds after Edge walked in the room. He smiled, and lifted his drink. “Do you want one?”

“No thanks.” Edge filled a glass with water and downed it in one go. Adam was looking at him, but Edge rinsed the glass out before turning to face him. “What?”

“Do you think the Red Sox are going to go all the way this year?” Adam lifted the bottle to his lips, but he didn’t drink from it, just watched Edge’s face. Edge stared back at him, not sure how to respond because he really had no idea what the hell Adam was talking about.

“What?”

Adam laughed and took a sip of his beer. He swallowed quickly and gestured to Edge’s head. “The hat, Edge.”

Edge frowned, but took his cap off. The logo jumped out at him and he rolled his eyes, jamming the hat back onto his head. “I don’t actually know where this came from.”

“Boston?”

Edge shrugged. “I don’t even like baseball.”

They ate their soup quietly at the table and Edge was glad for it. It was pumpkin soup and it was simple, but Adam’s mum always made a good meal and usually Edge would have been tempted to go back for seconds. He ran his spoon through the bowl and lifted it, watching the soup run off the sides and back into the bowl, and he glanced up to find Adam looking at him. “It’s good,” he said quickly, and dipped his spoon back in.

Adam just quirked an eyebrow at him and Edge managed another spoonful before pushing his bowl away. “Not hungry?” Adam asked.

“Not really.”

Adam pulled Edge’s bowl towards him and carefully poured the remnants into his own bowl, slopping a little down the side. “Fine by me.” Edge expected him to dig straight back in with his spoon, but instead Adam leaned back in his chair and lifted his beer to his lips. It was his second bottle, and Edge watched his throat work as he swallowed, wondering if he should get up and leave quickly to avoid whatever Adam was about to say. It was tempting, and yet he managed to stay put and Adam wiped at his mouth and gave Edge a careful smile. “What’s it like?”

Edge hesitated, though he had a feeling he knew exactly what Adam was asking. “What’s what like?”

“Being with him,” Adam said simply. “Is it strange?”

Edge shook his head. He wasn’t sure what Adam wanted him to say, but he really only had one answer. He thought about it still, for a moment at least, and Adam watched him with a steady eye. “No. It’s not strange.”

Adam nodded. He sat forward and picked up his spoon, and it lingered just above the bowl. “What’s it like?” he asked again and Edge sighed.

“Adam-”

“Alright, alright.” Adam gave him a placating smile and turned his attention back to his soup. He had a small mouthful and swallowed, and Edge waited. “Is he a good kisser?”

“I have to go.” Edge checked his watch pointedly, and found that he still had another twenty minutes at least before he had to leave. He didn’t mind being early, and he had hope that Bono wouldn’t mind it either. It got them to where they wanted to be all the more quicker, and the change in Adam’s smile told Edge that his thoughts were written all over his face. He pushed his chair back and stood up, his face heating up, and he took a few steps back towards the door. “Yes,” he said.

Adam’s eyes widened slightly and he leaned forward in his seat. “Really?”

“Bye, Adam.” Edge turned on his heel and headed for the front door. He collected his wallet, his keys and his backpack, and it was only when he went to step outside did Adam respond with his own goodbye.

The drive to the hotel seemed to drag on and on, and Edge turned on the radio to steady his mind. He caught the tail end of an R.E.M song before Nirvana started to play, and Edge bounced his knee along and found himself wishing he had taken Adam up on that drink. He felt like his knee was still trying to bounce as he walked into the hotel, his hat pulled down low over his face, and he dodged the people on his way to where he wanted to be. The room number was running through his mind over and over, and his entire body was thrumming by the time he found himself in front of the right door.  He studied the gold numbers on the door intently and dropped his gaze down to the handle before glancing back up. His hand felt clammy against his leg and he looked up and down the hallway before knocking gently on the door.

He waited, for so long that he started to second-guess himself on the room number. He looked back at the gold numbers, and then they swung away with the door and Bono smiled at him. He was wearing a white bathrobe that was too big for him, and his chest was peeking out from underneath it, pink and still damp. He looked more than a little flustered, and he took a step back to let Edge walk into the room. The door shut behind him and Bono ran a hand through his hair. It was wet at the ends and had started to curl a little, and Edge kept his eyes on Bono’s fingers. “I was in the shower still,” Bono said ruefully, and he shrugged. “I didn’t think you’d be so early.”

“I’m not that early.”

Bono’s hand found the belt of his bathrobe and he tugged on it, pulling it tighter. He chuckled, his fingers rubbing against the soft material, as he looked Edge up and down. “That’s my hat.”

Edge was surprised. It wasn’t exactly something he’d expected Bono to say, and he hesitated before reaching up and pulling the cap off of his head. “I was wondering where it had come from.” He held the hat out and Bono waved his hand in the air.

“No, keep it, it looks better on you.” Bono took a step back, his eyes drifting up to Edge’s face and he paused, his face softening. He smiled briefly, and then turned and headed for the minibar. Edge tossed his hat across the room, just missing the chair that sat in the corner. He set the bag down by the door, and took in the room as he followed Bono.  It was nice. Not the nicest they’d ever stayed at, but still lovely, and the bed was large. He turned back to Bono and found him with two glasses in his hand. There was a large bottle of vodka sitting on the counter, already opened, and Edge had a feeling that it hadn’t come from the hotel. “Their bottles are never big enough, are they? Do you want a drink?” He picked up the bottle before Edge could answer and poured them both a glass each.

Edge took the glass that was offered to him and held it tightly in hand. He didn’t drink from it, just watched as Bono nearly downed his own glass, his face twisting slightly from the burn. “Are you alright?”

Bono set down his glass and nodded. “I am.” He picked up the bottle and started to refill his glass, and Edge wasn’t entirely convinced. He looked at the sharp line of Bono’s jaw, the way his throat bobbed as he took another drink, and he dropped his gaze down to study Bono’s bare toes. They were twitching and tensing into the plush carpet, and it was enough to make Edge finally step forward and touch him.

Bono jerked slightly at the first brush against his shoulder, and he set down his glass before turning to face Edge fully. His eyes darted past Edge’s face, looking at god knows what, and Edge shifted into his line of vision. “We don’t have to do this.” He was surprised at himself, surprised that he’d managed to say it, and Bono’s mouth dropped open slightly.

He shook his head. “We are doing this,” he said evenly.

Edge watched his face, watched his eyes widen, and he took a small sip of his drink before reaching around Bono to set the glass down. “Then calm down.”

“I’m calm,” Bono insisted. Edge just looked at him, and Bono rolled his eyes and looked away, if only for a second. There was a small smile on his face when he turned back, and he shrugged half-heartedly. “I’m a bit nervous. Aren’t you?” Edge shook his head. He still felt calm, too calm, and Bono eyed him doubtfully until he took a step back and stepped out of a shoe. “What are you doing?”

“What’s it look like?” He took off the other boot and set them both to the side. Bono watched his every move, and it was only when Edge undid the button of his jeans did his face shift. “If we wait around for you, we’ll never get anywhere.” It had sounded less harsh in his head, and Edge nearly regretted saying it, but then Bono started to laugh. It was light and easy, and Edge smiled and unzipped his pants.

“You sure know how to charm a lady,” Bono said. Edge didn’t answer, just bent down to remove his socks. It proved to be more complicated than Edge had thought, his jeans sagging down mid-thigh as he hopped on one leg, and he wasn’t entirely sure why he hadn’t thought to take them off first. “Now that’s a move.” Edge attempted a steely glare, but he couldn’t hold it and Bono just shook his head. He leaned back against the minibar, his eyes roaming down and he gestured a hand towards Edge’s jeans. “I’m sorry. Please, continue.”

Edge balled his socks up first and shoved them into his boots, and Bono's mouth quirked but he said nothing. His jeans came down easily enough and Edge kicked them towards the wall, and he reached for the band of his underwear. Bono’s gaze had landed back on Edge’s face though, the blue of his eyes bright and intense, and the nerves that had been written all over were still there, but there was something else, something more and Edge suddenly felt a little anxious. He went for his jacket instead, his keys clanging in the pocket as it hit the ground, then he grasped the hem of his shirt, sliding it easily over his head and it joined his jeans in a pile near the wall. Bono blinked slowly, and he reached back for his glass. His eyes stayed on Edge’s face as he drank, finished the glass, and Edge could do nothing but drop his gaze. He looked at Bono’s throat, looked at his drying chest and he looked at the soft material of the bathrobe and he knew how close they both were to being completely exposed. They were so close to so much, and he wanted to touch Bono so desperately that he was almost alarmed by the urgency of it all.

“Do you want another drink?” Bono asked, and there was the clink of his glass being set back down. Edge tore his eyes from the white of the bathrobe to Bono’s face. Bono looked mostly blank, but his eyes darted from Edge’s mouth to his chest then back up to meet his gaze, and Edge reached a hand out and pulled at the belt of Bono’s bathrobe. It was done up tightly and he yanked until it loosened, until it slipped out of the knot completely. The bathrobe fell open and Bono swallowed. “That’s a no to the drink then?”

Edge smiled faintly. He couldn’t help but look, though he’d seen Bono naked so many times. It was different though, the robe still shadowing his hips and his shoulders, and he stepped closer till he could feel Bono’s breath on his chin. There was the scent of vodka there mixed with toothpaste, and Bono licked his lips and pressed back against the minibar. His hips tilted forward though, and Edge met his gaze steadily before he lifted his hands towards Bono’s shoulders. He slid the robe off easily, and it caught slightly on the counter before coming to pool around Bono’s feet.  Bono closed his eyes and he laughed, a little awkwardly. “What?” Edge asked.

“Nothing,” Bono said. He opened his eyes and smiled, a goofy smile that reminded Edge so much of when he was young and eager, and it gave Edge pause and made his stomach flutter. “It’s not fair though, is it?”

“What’s not fair?”

“Me being bare arsed while you’ve still got your knickers on.” The smile widened and Edge laughed, for maybe too long and it felt like a release. Bono watched him until he settled, and his hand came out to settle against Edge’s hip. His finger flicked at the band of Edge’s underwear, and Edge waited for him to grasp, to pull, but Bono shook his head. His hand dropped back to his side, his stomach flexing and he chuckled again. “Edge.” He turned his head towards the door, and Edge dragged his eyes down Bono’s body. He could see the tension there, in his jaw and his shoulders and even in his thighs, and he stepped out of his underwear without a second thought.

Bono didn’t look back, just kept on studying the door until Edge wrapped a hand around his neck. He smiled faintly, and Edge stepped closer, stepped in until they were near flush together. He kept their hips apart, though the thought of them being so close left a warm feeling in his stomach. “Don’t say it,” Bono said, turning back to look at Edge with a knowing smile that left Edge confused.

“Don’t say what?”

“Don’t tell me that we don’t have to do this.”

Edge sighed. The thought hadn’t crossed his mind, not since he’d last said it, but now that it was out there, he was sure that the words had been closer to the surface than he might have thought. “I just want you to be comfortable, Bono.”

“I am comfortable,” Bono screwed up his face almost immediately, like he didn’t entirely believe the words that had left his mouth. His shoulder rose slightly under Edge’s hand in a shrug, and Edge could almost believe, if only for a second, that they weren’t both completely naked. He could see his best friend, and his face was so endearing that he pulled Bono into a hug and kissed his temple. He felt Bono smile against his shoulder, felt Bono’s arms come up around his neck, and he felt their hips press together. It was electric and it was new, the feel of another man’s cock against his own, and Bono tensed against his chest. He didn’t pull away though, and Edge lingered for a moment before dragging his hips up slowly. He was soft, they both were still, and Bono sucked in a shaky breath.

“Relax.”

“I am relaxed,” Bono insisted, his words muffled against Edge’s neck. Blunt fingernails pressed into Edge’s back, and Bono breathed warm against his skin. “I’m incredibly relaxed.” Edge almost believed him, and he dragged his hips up once more, enjoying the way Bono’s breath caught, enjoying the gentle slide of hardening flesh and he needed to touch, to feel. He skimmed his fingertips down Bono’s spine, and Bono stiffened against him and choked out a laugh. He pulled his face back to look Edge in the eye, and he did look calmer, Edge had to admit, and yet his eyes were too bright and there was a flush to his cheeks that wasn’t leftover from the shower. He smiled softly, and rocked his hips forward. Edge bit back a moan, and Bono’s smile widened in a way that forced Edge to lean forward and press his lips against Bono’s jaw. His stubble was rough against Edge’s skin, and he felt the drag as he moved his mouth to the side, finding Bono’s chin, finding Bono’s lower lip, and he wet it with his tongue until Bono kissed him back. It was over quickly, too quickly and Bono was pulling away, licking his lips and smiling and Edge had to stop himself from leaning in again. “I just.” He shook his head. “We’re actually doing this.”

“Did it just hit you?”

Bono sighed, his fingers roaming Edge’s back as he looked away, looked towards the bed. “Maybe,” he murmured, and he sounded so serious that Edge had to step back, until Bono’s hands slid from his shoulders and came back to rest by his sides. He turned back to Edge, confusion written all over his face. “I wasn’t telling you to stop.”

“I know,” Edge said. He could breathe a bit better, think a bit better not being so close to Bono, and he regretted his decision to pull back immediately. He stayed put though and kept his eyes on Bono’s face, and Bono stared right back, a crooked smile appearing on his face, and then he dropped his gaze slowly.

He looked at Edge intensely, his eyes dragging up and down and his eyebrow quirking and Edge resisted the urge to cover himself. He wanted Bono to look, to see him like this. “You’re incredibly naked, Edge,” Bono remarked, and he said it so casually that Edge let out a surprised laugh. The corner of Bono’s mouth twitched, but he only grinned, and his hand came out and rested against Edge’s chest. It was warm against his skin, and it trailed lower and lower until it came to a stop just below Edge’s belly button. “Look at you,” Bono breathed, his eyes flicking back up to meet Edge’s, and the tone of his voice caused a sudden wave of emotion to rush though Edge’s body. He didn’t know where it had come from, and he swallowed harshly, trying to be rid of it. Bono cocked his head to the side, looking deadly serious, and he pulled his hand from Edge’s stomach and cupped his cheek instead. His thumb rubbed against Edge’s chin, the nail dragging lightly against the edge of his bottom lip, and Bono stepped in closer and dropped his hand. “Can we go to bed now?”

His voice was soft, and Edge let the words roll through his mind a few times, considering what they meant, what they would lead to, and he looked down at Bono, at the swell of his cock, and his throat burned. “Yeah.” Edge cleared his throat, and the noise that came from Bono forced Edge’s head up quickly. It hadn’t been quite a laugh or a gasp, and his eyes were heavy but his mouth was twisted into a slight smile, and Edge was tempted to press him back up against the minibar and lose control, but instead he just smiled back and nodded. “Yes.”

“Alright,” Bono said. He didn’t move though, just stood there stock still staring at Edge like he was waiting for direction, and it was so unlike the Bono that he knew that Edge just had to stare right back. He didn’t quite know this side of Bono, and he was curious to learn, to look, and his fingers wanted to touch, but he just kept on staring until Bono’s face broke. “Edge.”

“Why don’t you go lie down?”

Bono nodded, and he slid away without another word. Edge watched him go, his eyes stuck on the dip of Bono’s back and then Bono was climbing onto the bed and crawling forward, his arse in the air. It was both titillating and ridiculous and Edge couldn’t help but note how pale Bono’s arse was. The thought gave way quickly to what they were about to do, and he stepped forward for a closer look but Bono was too quick, flopping onto his back with a loud exhale. “I’m ready,” he announced, and it was so matter of fact that Edge started to chuckle as he came to stand at the foot of the bed. Bono raised his head from the covers, a frown on his face. “What’s funny?”

“You are.”

Bono huffed loudly. “You can’t laugh, I’m naked here.”

“Yes you are.” Edge climbed onto the bed and shifted forward until Bono’s feet brushed against his knees. He felt calmer now, away from the press of Bono’s body, and the urge to move, to rush ahead had abated somewhat. It was still there, still burning, but the want to touch and look was overwhelming and he looked at Bono, his body flat but for the slight curve of his cock, and he had to stop and take a deep breath inwards before moving forward. “Alright.” Edge spread Bono’s legs enough so that he could kneel between them, and leaned back on his haunches, his eyes raking over Bono’s body. He was lovely in his imperfections, and Edge gripped his ankle when Bono tried to slide up and away. “Don’t move.”

“What are you looking at?” Bono asked, pulling himself up on his elbows. He looked a bit flushed in the face already, and Edge knew he was uncomfortable from the scrutiny.

“I’m looking at you.”

Bono rolled his eyes and fell back flat against the bed, but there was the hint of a smile on his face. “If you have to,” he conceded. Edge didn’t respond, just turned to look at his hand still on Bono’s ankle. He could see Bono’s toes flexing, from impatience and something more, and he dragged his hand up Bono’s leg, feeling the rough hair under his skin until he passed the knee. His thigh was smoother and it tensed against his touch and Bono let out a laugh.

“Does that tickle?” Edge asked.

“A little.” Edge smiled and leaned forward. He kissed Bono’s thigh, high up where it started to give way to his groin, and he was acutely aware of Bono’s cock brushing against his cheek. Bono tensed again, and Edge turned his head until his mouth was right there. He was tempted, so tempted to take it in his mouth, and Bono was deathly still under his hand. He was holding his breath, waiting. Edge was sure of it, and he pulled back slightly and blew out a warm stream of air against Bono’s cock. It twitched and Bono lurched, and Edge smiled at his reaction. “Edge.”

“In a minute.”

“Edge!” Edge sat back until he could see Bono’s face, and Bono was practically glowering at him. His face quickly gave way to a smile, but it was frustrated and shaken. “Come on.”

“In a _minute_.”

Bono brought his leg up and kneed Edge in his side, but there was no force behind it and he was laughing before his leg was back flat on the bed. “This is a form of torture,” he said. “The general public would not stand for this.”

“Well, it’s a good thing I don’t answer to them then, isn’t it?” Bono shook with laughter, his hand coming up to cover his eyes, and Edge watched him until his hand dropped back to the bed and he looked at Edge. His eyes were warm and Edge was tempted to lean in and kiss him until he was a shaking mess, and Edge was sure he was capable of rendering Bono like that, but the urge to touch and look was overwhelming. There was only one other person who got to see Bono like this, and Edge swallowed. His eyes found the dark mark on Bono’s neck, the mark that he’d put there. “I want to-” He cut himself off with the shake of his head, and dropped his gaze back to Bono’s thigh. He placed his hand over the jut of Bono’s hipbone, feeling the hardness there, and he knew Bono was staring at him.

“Take your time,” Bono said quietly.

Edge nodded, and cleared his throat before answering. “Yeah.” It was all he could manage, and he shifted his hand over till he touched the softness of Bono’s stomach and he felt the gentle swell there underneath the wiry hair, and he didn’t linger. He followed his hand up past Bono’s bellybutton, watching Bono’s skin shift and flex and he felt the hair of Bono’s chest under his fingers, and Bono raised an arm and gripped Edge’s shoulder. Their eyes met, and Edge was taken aback by what he saw there. He had to look away, look back to his own hand, and Bono squeezed his shoulder before letting his arm fall back to the bed. Edge watched his hand rise under Bono’s chest, and he dragged his thumb over a soft pink nipple. Bono made a soft noise, coming from the back of his throat, and Edge bent forward and pressed his mouth there. He sucked gently and flicked his tongue until it raised and hardened, and he dragged his mouth away; up over his chest and past his collarbone until he found the mark on Bono’s neck. His skin tasted like fancy hotel soap and the faintest sheen of sweat, and Edge sucked there. Bono groaned, his head lolling to the side, and he pressed into Edge’s mouth until Edge sucked harder. He thought of Adam, Adam asking if it felt strange, and he listened to the noises Bono made and wanted more.

 He trailed his fingers down until he found Bono’s cock, and he took it in hand. Bono surged against him, his pulse quickening under Edge’s mouth, and Edge gave a final press of lips before pulling away. He could see Bono’s throat working, his skin shiny with spit, and Edge leaned against his elbow and started to slowly stroke. Bono closed his eyes tight, and he gripped at Edge’s neck and pulled him down. Their lips met briefly in a wet smack and then Bono was opening his eyes and staring at him, his breath coming out in small bursts against his nose, and Edge could smell the vodka there. He dragged his hand one more time and then pulled his hand away, and Bono grunted in frustration.

Edge sat up on his knees and looked at his hand. It was damp with Bono’s slickness and he looked down, looked at Bono’s cock leaking lightly against his stomach, and he almost leaned in and tasted him there. He had trouble dragging his eyes away, and didn’t until Bono shifted. He was back up on his elbows, and Edge took in the sharp line of his jaw and the redness of his lips before reaching Bono’s eyes.  “You’re incredible to look at.”

Bono barked out a laugh. “No I’m not.” He fell back down on to the bed, still shaking his head and Edge leaned back in until he could see his face. Bono blinked at him, and then gestured to his chest. “I’m a hairy, lumpy little thing.”

“No,” Edge said and Bono stared at him before turning to look at the wall. There was a faint smile on his face though, and Edge knew he would never convince Bono, but at least he could get so far. He patted Bono on the chest twice before pulling away, sliding off the bed completely and walking towards his bag. He could feel Bono’s eyes following him, and it thrilled him. He brought the bag back to the bed and pulled out the tube of lubricant before setting the bag down on the ground. Bono gave him a wobbly smile and Edge watched his fingers rub against one another. He was nervous, and Edge smiled back. “I’ll be gentle.”

Bono rolled his eyes. “You know, you’re treating me like a woman here.”

Edge shrugged, and set the lube down on the covers before heading around to the head of the bed. He grabbed a couple of plush pillows and went and kneeled on the bed. “Years of experience, Bono. Lift your arse up.”

Bono frowned, but did as he was told and Edge slid one of the pillows under the swell of his hips, pushing his pelvis up into the air. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Edge walked around to the foot of the bed and scrutinized for a moment, then came back and shifted the pillow a bit lower. He picked up the other pillow and cocked his head to the side, looking down at Bono’s face. “You can be a bit delicate.”

Bono sniffed, and Edge had to hold back the laughter. He wasn't sure how they'd gotten back to joking so quickly, but it was worth it for the look on Bono's face, and yet his neck was flushed and his toes still twitching, and more, so much more. “I am not delicate.”

“I didn’t say you were, I said you can be. Head up.” Bono glared at him, but lifted his head and Edge placed the pillow underneath it. His hair pooled darkly against the cream material, and Edge leaned down until they were nose to nose. “Delicate.”

“Fuck me.”

The directness of Bono's words surprised him, just a little, and Bono looked a little uncertain of himself after uttering them. He looked to the wall and Edge had to take a deep breath before answering. “Not yet.”

“You’re killing me.”

“You’re not ready yet.” He pulled away and went to stand at the foot of the bed.

 “I’ve been ready for forever,” Bono muttered, and his words sent a shiver down Edge’s spine. He stood there, and he couldn’t help but watch, and it was such a sight to see that Edge nearly had to sit down on the bed. There was an energy to Bono, thrumming through his skin and making his fingers dance against the sheet, and Edge knew he was nervous. But there was something more, in the pinkness of his neck and the way he brought his knees up and apart, and Edge could see it in his face and hear it in his breath, and Edge knew he was the cause of it all. It was a powerful feeling, and he looked from Bono’s face to his hips, to just below where he was so hard against his belly and so pink, and Edge knew that there was an expectation here to what he should do next, and when Bono canted his hips up further towards the ceiling Edge nearly complied. But his hands felt empty and he wanted to touch, and he kneeled on the bed and touched Bono exactly where he wasn’t expecting.

Bono jerked and his head came up from the pillow, his eyes wide and Edge just smiled and kept his grip loose but enough to feel it. He liked the feel of Bono’s cock in his hand, how it felt so different from his and yet so similar, and he liked the heaviness of it against his palm, the slickness of it that nearly seeped through his fingers, and he loved the reaction his touch pulled from Bono. He loved the way Bono stroked his own chest, avoiding the places Edge thought he might go and lingering at his stomach. Edge dragged his hand up and listened to the cry, and he tightened his fingers and started a steady pace. He couldn’t tear his gaze from Bono’s face, and it was lovely, the way his head fell back against the pillow with his lip between his teeth and his eyelids fluttering. Edge wanted to see, wanted to see him come so badly, and he rubbed the pad of his thumb at the head and Bono’s mouth fell open so suddenly that Edge thought he was going to scream. He stayed silent though, his hips coming up from the pillow and Edge kissed his knee and kept up the pace, faster until Bono shook his head. “Stop,” he said. Edge stilled his touch immediately, but he couldn’t pull his hand away.

“What’s wrong?”

Bono laughed, and he sounded more flustered than Edge could ever remember hearing him. “I don’t want to come like this.” The words tumbled from him, and he laughed again, short and from the back of his throat. Edge met his eyes, and Bono licked his lips. “I want – I want you-”

“Alright,” Edge said. It was a challenge to pull his hand away, and he considered ignoring Bono completely and just getting him off right then and there, just to see his face and hear him. Edge knew that recovery time wasn’t what it used to be when they were younger though, and he wanted more to see Bono fall apart after, when Edge was right there and able to feel him. He touched Bono’s thigh to calm himself more than Bono. “Were you close?”

Bono just smiled a little smile, and it reminded Edge so much of the Mona Lisa that he had to stop and wonder exactly where that thought had come from. It didn’t deter him though, and he waited until Bono turned to face the wall before leaning in and kissing his shin, his thigh and Bono’s knees parted further and his hand came down to grab at Edge’s. He tugged at Edge’s fingers, trying to guide his hand, and Edge could take a hint.  “Have you ever looked at what face you make in the mirror?” The words slipped from Edge’s mouth, and Bono’s hand fell from his to the covers.

His head back up off the pillow, and Edge was amazed at how many different emotions Bono managed in one single expression. “What?”

Bono looked more frustrated than anything, but there was a twitch at his mouth that Edge took as a good sign. He shrugged. “When you come.”

“Oh.” Bono’s hair found the pillow and he smiled, and Edge watched his hand land back onto his stomach and it dragged up and down in a way that made Edge almost forget what question he’d asked. There was a burn, deep below and he couldn’t believe he had stopped to ask a fucking question. “I’ve tried, but I can never keep my eyes open at the end.” Bono shook his head. “It’s probably for the best, I doubt it’s as sexy as I would hope.”

Edge knew he was wrong, knew he was so wrong, and he knew if he said so Bono would just roll his eyes and look away and say something to change the subject, though what subject he would land on when they were both naked and hard was a mystery to Edge. He watched Bono’s eyes flick from the wall to Edge’s face, and he could feel that energy again and it made him lean down. He kissed Bono, just above the collarbone and Bono huffed out a breath that was nearly a laugh, completely surprised, and Edge stayed there for a moment tasting the sweat, the soap and he turned his head to the side. “Were you alone in those times with the mirror?”

Bono stiffened slightly and then his hand came down on Edge’s shoulder and he tapped. “Edge,” he said warningly, and Edge couldn’t believe himself.

“Right.” He sat back up onto his knees, feeling slightly ashamed and more so when he caught the look in Bono’s eyes, but it slipped away quickly when he looked down and reminded himself. The burn was there, and he resisted the urge to grasp himself and move in, and reached for the lube instead. Bono’s breathing changed immediately, and he came up onto his elbows so quickly that Edge had to grasp at Bono’s knee to steady himself.

“Are you going to fuck me like this?”

Edge jerked his head up, surprised at the composure of Bono’s voice and the question. “What?”

“On my back? It would probably be easier with me on my stomach.”

Edge hadn’t even considered any other way, and he thought about it as Bono stayed up on his elbows and breathed loud enough for the both of them. “It probably would, but I want to see your face,” he said slowly, and Bono’s eyes widened.

“Oh Edge,” he murmured, and Edge rolled his eyes. It was ridiculous, having this conversation at such a time, and he wondered who was going to lose their erection first.

“So I can see how you react and make sure I’m not hurting you, Bono,” he insisted, and it was only part of it. Bono cocked his head to the side, and the small smile that appeared on his face told Edge that Bono had called his bluff immediately, and Edge waited for it.

“You don’t trust me to tell you, do you,” Bono said instead.

“I don’t trust you to know.”

Bono looked at him, long and hard and so serious that Edge felt like they were somewhere else, and he squeezed Bono’s knee and looked towards the open bathroom door. He felt hot and a little crazed, and he wanted so many things that he wasn’t sure where to start, and he wanted to lean back in and kiss Bono and hold him, and he wanted to skip what was necessary and fuck him hard, fuck him gentle, and he wanted to use his fingers and linger there until Bono clamped down and moaned. “Come on,” Bono said, and Edge took a deep breath.  It came to him quickly, looking back at Bono’s face, that he didn’t really know what he was doing. Nor did he really know where they were going, but then, it had never stopped them before. Bono smiled softly, and he reached out a hand towards Edge. It fell against his stomach, and Edge smiled back and shifted down just a little.

He dropped the lube back onto the covers and he could almost feel Bono’s disappointment, but it fell away when Edge reached in between Bono’s knees. He grasped at his arse, his fingers digging into the cheeks easily, and Bono sucked in his breath so loudly that Edge nearly laughed. He kept it in, feeling a little hysterical, and it occurred to him that he had free reign, to Bono’s arse, to the rest of him for the first time without the chance of someone knocking on the door. Someone they knew, anyway, and he could likely destroy anyone else who dared to do such a thing. He slid his fingers, and it felt glorious, and he swallowed harshly before digging them back in and spreading, spreading until Bono was completely exposed.

It had always surprised Edge that, for such a hairy person, Bono’s arse was bare, and he wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but all he found was a light sprinkling down the crack and between the hair, a small pink hole that was completely innocuous and yet everything. He stared at it, and he listened to Bono’s breath filling the air and Bono’s legs came further apart, spreading him open further and he pulled back against the pillow under his hips. “Edge. Edge,” he said, and there was something in his voice that made Edge wake up. He made to move, but stopped himself because he had to know.

“You alright?”

“Fine,” Bono breathed. “I’m – I’ve never had anyone look there.”

Edge nodded. It was intimate, incredibly so, and what he was about to do was likely the most intimate thing he’d ever done with a person, and it was with Bono. He shifted his left hand slightly and dragged his thumb gentle, and Bono’s breath caught and his body jerked a little, but he didn’t say stop and Edge waited for it before dragging his thumb once more against Bono’s hole. He pressed firmer and then started to rub, marvelling at the way Bono tensed and squirmed and it took him a moment to realize that Bono was laughing. Edge looked up and caught him, red in the face and a little wild. “You alright?” he asked again. Bono just nodded, his teeth catching his bottom lip, and he giggled again. “I need to get my bearings,” Edge explained.

“What?”

Edge felt a little foolish, considering where his hand was, where his thumb still was rubbing dry, and he shrugged. “I need to figure out what I’m dealing with before I proceed.”

Bono grinned, and he fell back down to the bed with a thump. “Always the scientist,” he said breathlessly, and Edge felt less foolish and managed a smile, and he looked back down at his hand and knew he had Bono all figured out. He pulled his hands away from Bono and sat back on his haunches, and he grabbed the lube with a steady hand and flicked open the lid. Bono jerked at the noise and his breathing sped up before interrupting himself with more laughter, and Edge had to look up at his face for a moment. He looked happy, he looked truly joyful in a way that Edge only saw when he was in front of an audience singing his heart out, exposing himself to the masses, and Edge nearly told him again how incredible he was to look at.

His hands shook as he applied the lube possibly too well, and he set the tube gently back down on the covers, then coated his fingers of his right hand properly with his left. He leaned in and pressed his greasy left hand against Bono’s stomach in a way that he hoped was soothing, for him as much as for Bono, and Bono turned his head to the wall and breathed in. He trembled and didn’t breathe out, and Edge brought his right hand forward and found Bono’s entrance with his middle finger. He rubbed there gently, spreading the slickness, and he murmured, “Bono, breathe.”

He was shocked when Bono listened to him, shuddering on the exhale, and Edge waited until he took another unsteady breath before holding his own and pushing his finger in.

He was met with resistance, and Bono stiffened and swallowed and it felt strange, completely unlike fingering a woman. There was acceptance with a woman, the thought from her body being that anything belonged, but Edge felt almost the complete opposite and he nearly stopped, thinking he might be hurting Bono, but then Bono closed his eyes and breathed and the slide became easier, gentler until Edge reached the second knuckle.  He stared down at his hand, at where they were connected, and it was a different heat than a woman, a different velvet on the inside, and Edge immediately wanted to feel more. “Bono?” he asked, and there was no response. Bono just kept looking at the wall, his mouth pressed firmly, and Edge felt the warmth around his finger as Bono clenched against him, trying to get used to the feeling. He shifted his hand from Bono’s stomach until he found his fingers against the bed, and he grasped them tightly until Bono turned his head. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Bono responded. His tone and his expression gave Edge little to work with, and he was at a bit of a loss on how to proceed.  Bono’s erection had subsided somewhat, and Edge wasn’t sure if it was because of the time they’d taken to get there, or because of something else.

“B, we don’t, you know we can stop-”

“It’s such an odd feeling,” Bono said quietly. He smiled that smile again, the one that reminded Edge of Mona Lisa, and he squeezed Edge’s hand. “The other day with the dildo, it hurt at first, this strange burn. And then I moved past it and I felt so full, so stretched and – and whole and, oh my god, Edge.” He pushed his hips down and Edge felt the heat further up his finger and Bono moaned. “I know what I said, about it being about the connection more than anything, but this, this is-”

“You like it?”

Bono bit his lip and nodded, and he tightened his grip on Edge’s hand and dragged it onto his chest. He could feel Bono’s heart thumping away, and he could almost feel his pulse inside, around his finger. “I turned off the video, you know. I wanted to think of you, not them.” He smiled. “I know you were listening.”

Edge froze. “What?”

“I heard you in the shower too, Edge. I heard you come, and I wanted you to fuck me then.”

Edge swallowed. He couldn’t believe it and he wanted to know more, but Bono’s face was open and flushed and he could feel him, contracting around his finger and he licked his lips and nodded, and hoped that the lube hadn’t gone tacky. He kept his eyes on Bono’s face as he moved his finger, and the slide out was easier than the slide in had been, and he stopped just before slipping out completely. He watched Bono as he slid his finger back in, watched his mouth fall open and saw his toes tighten out the corner of his eye, and Edge was transfixed and he needed more. His finger moved a lot easier after that, and he pressed his hand closer into Bono’s chest to feel the thump there and listened and waited until Bono let out a cry. It was exactly what he needed, and it went straight to his cock, and Edge nearly tore his hand away from Bono’s chest to grasp himself, but it was too soon. “Alright?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you-”

“Yes.”

Edge didn’t feel the need to clarify, he knew Bono understood him, but there was still a slight look of surprise on Bono's face when Edge slipped his finger completely free. The air felt suddenly cool against his skin, and he looked at his finger, looking for any signs of wear and tear from Bono, but there was nothing and he nearly laughed. He picked up the lube with steady hands and applied another generous amount.

“Can you warm it up this time?” Bono asked. Edge blinked and looked at him, and Bono shrugged a little and dragged his hand from his chest to his stomach. “It was a little cold.” Edge smiled. Bono’s voice sounded so young that he almost couldn’t believe it, and he rubbed his hands a bit, hoping it would do the trick and be enough. Bono didn’t flinch when Edge touched him again, two fingers pressing this time, and he was struck with how glad he was that he’d taken the time to trim his nails. He nearly told Bono, but it seemed ridiculous and he looked at his fingers, and looked at the way Bono’s thighs quivered when he pressed in. Bono made a noise, a little _ah_ sound and Edge kept on until he hit his mark and Bono groaned and pulled his legs in close to Edge’s shoulders. “Three.”

“What?”

“Another finger, another,” Bono rushed out and Edge hesitated. He’d planned on three, but not so soon, and yet Bono’s voice was firm and blown and Edge watched Bono’s hand shift down, through his pubic hair until he was grasping at his cock, and he made that same little noise again. “Edge, please.”

Edge stared at the shift of Bono’s hand, slow but firm and he licked his lips and nodded. He took the time though to part his fingers a bit and then a bit more and Bono looked agitated and he swore and squirmed but Edge was determined. He scissored his fingers a bit and Bono’s anger fell away, and Edge kept at it until he was comfortable with the stretch and slipped his two fingers out. They went easy and he was surprised, and he pulled his pinkie and his thumb away and pressed with three fingers and Bono cried out before Edge could even breach him. “Jesus,” Edge found himself saying, and there was resistance, almost as much as there had been with the first push of a finger, but Bono’s legs fell apart and his heels dug into the bed and he groaned, long and hard. His hand went slack at his cock, and then he started to languidly rub at himself instead. He was hot around Edge’s fingers, so hot and so tight and Edge didn’t know how far he could make it in with Bono tensing and clenching around him, and he didn’t know if he could stand it any longer, and the thought was there, how it was going to feel like that when Edge fucked him. He almost pulled out completely and his cock jumped at the thought, and he couldn’t help but wrap his free hand around himself.

His fingers were slick from the lubricant and he moaned, and he knew that Bono’s eyes were on him, but he didn’t dare stroke himself. He just held his cock and it was enough for now, and he slid his fingers down and almost out and then pushed back in, and it was quicker than what he’d planned and Bono gasped and shuddered. It was a good speed, Edge figured, and he kept up the pace and listened to the noises Bono made, and every single one of them made his skin prickle alive. He wanted to tell Bono how tight he felt, how incredible he looked, but he couldn’t find the words and Bono slanted his hips upwards and let out a sound that was almost a shriek. Edge had thought that there was no way Bono could surprise him anymore, but when he moved his hand that same way and Bono made that same noise, he figured he was wrong. Bono’s body was shifting with his hand, back and forth and his hands fell from his skin to grab at the sheets. “Could you come from this?” Edge asked, and he had to drop his own hand from his cock.

Bono didn’t respond, his breath hitching with each thrust and his eyes glassy, but he smiled and looked at Edge and the answer was written all over his face. Edge slowed his hand and brought it to a stop, deep inside where he wanted to be and he circled his middle finger and Bono shuddered out a breath. He was leaking against his stomach again and Edge touched him there, felt the wetness, felt Bono’s stomach tighten under his fingertips and heard the moan. “Jesus, Bono.” He dragged his fingers down, streaking damply through rough pubic hair before he found what he wanted, and Bono jerked his hips and cried out at the first touch of Edge’s hand against his cock.

It was short-lived and then Bono was moving, pulling himself away from Edge completely until Edge’s fingers slipped out with the most obscene noise Edge had heard in quite some time, and he was completely stunned for a second before concern washed over him. Bono had turned his head to the side so quickly that his hair was covering his face, and he was breathing harshly and Edge needed to see his face, needed to know he wasn’t hurt. He reached out and touched Bono’s chest, and Bono brought up a hand immediately and grabbed at Edge’s fingers. It made Edge freeze, and he wasn’t sure where to go from there, but then Bono shoved his hair out of his face and leaned up and looked at him. His cheeks were pink and his eyes were too bright and wild, and he gave Edge a look that completely floored him. “Fuck me,” he ground out, and his tone left no room for argument. His fingers tightened around Edge’s hand and his head fell back, and Edge nodded though he knew Bono couldn’t see him.

“Alright.” His voice felt thick and sounded strange, and Bono smiled. His hand left Edge’s and came up to cover his face, and it was worse than when the hair had covered it. Edge leaned forward, until his cock brushed Bono’s and they both shuddered, and he shifted before it became too much and grasped Bono’s wrist. His hand came away easily and Edge kissed him, and Bono’s lips parted under his and he moaned so loudly that Edge thought that the people in the next room might hear them. He pulled away and pressed his lips to the shine of Bono’s forehead, and his body felt tight and warm and tense and free, and he’d been such an idiot to wait so long.

 


	14. Fearless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Terribly sorry that this took so long, life has been one big bitch after another recently. But it's done now, and I'm so close to completing this fic that I could cry. I edited it after having a couple of drinks, so all mistakes are mine but at least I had fun!

Edge could remember quite clearly the first night they had played to a crowd that they’d thought of at the time as being huge. Looking back, it had been maybe three thousand but he’d looked out at them in wonder and listened to their screams and chants and he remembered the songs they played, the songs that made the encore, but mostly he remembered afterwards. Bono had come off the stage with his cheeks flushed and his hair soaked with sweat and he’d been so wired that he’d been shaking, and Edge had been stuck on his eyes, how electric blue they had looked even in the dim of the room. “Let’s go back out,” he’d hissed, and Edge had laughed, but Bono had been deadly serious.

He looked at Bono spread out on the bed with his knees pulled up and parted and his hand dragging up and down his chest, and he looked at the way his toes curled into the bed and he thought that he should focus on the thickness of his cock, but he was up there still stuck on Bono’s eyes, and it was uncanny.  “Edge?”

“We’ve known each other for a long time,” Edge said and Bono’s face broke out into a slow grin.

“We have,” he agreed. “And I hope it continues.” He lifted his head and looked at Edge with narrowed eyes. “But if you don’t get on this bed I might fucking murder you.”

“I’m sure,” Edge said, but it was the kick he needed and he dropped the bag back onto the ground, having found what he was looking for. Bono looked at the wrapper in his hand and he blinked a few times but said nothing, and Edge was glad for it, glad that he wasn’t going to start. Edge was sure that Bono was clean and he knew that he was, but it still seemed right and he didn’t want to stop again, not when he’d stopped enough for the both of them. He kneeled on the bed and Bono’s breath quickened, and he fumbled with the wrapper and fumbled with the condom and Bono groaned in frustration and dug his heels in further, and Edge smiled. He felt like was seventeen again in his girlfriend’s bedroom, fumbling around with the lights off and trying to stay quiet because her parents were home. She’d been patient and she’d helped him, and she’d ended up being the loud one which had helped Edge’s ego considerably, and Bono was in front of him growing more impatient by the second. Edge managed to roll down the condom, and his hands started to shake when he reached for the lube, and he had to laugh at himself.

“What’s funny?”

“I feel like a virgin,” Edge admitted, and Bono cocked an eyebrow.

“How do you think I feel?” he asked, lifting his hips as if to prove a point. Edge flicked open the lid and squirted some lubricant into his palm, and he coated himself thoroughly as Bono watched him, head raised in a way that couldn’t have been comfortable, and Edge bit his lip and squeezed his cock and prayed to God that he could make it last.

“I don’t know, horny?” he suggested, and it didn’t come out nearly as steady as he would have liked, but Bono just smiled and dropped his head back.

“God, like you wouldn’t believe,” he murmured, and his hand started back up and down his chest. Edge set the tube aside and shook his head. He could imagine what Bono was feeling and he watched his hand move, looked at his face and saw that his eyes were closed, and he shifted forward and gripped Bono’s thigh. His heart was hammering in his chest, so quick that Edge was scared it might kick over and stop, and he dragged his hand down and Bono let out a sound that was barely human. He choked it back and threw a hand in the air. “Wait!”

“What is it?”

Bono’s hand fell back down to the bed and he breathed harshly, then shook his head and Edge leaned forward to see his face properly, concern shooting through him, but Bono slapped his hand over his face and started to laugh. It stopped as quickly as it started and his hand fell away, back down onto the covers. “Okay. Alright, Edge.”

“ _Are_ you alright?”

The laugh came again, bubbling out of Bono like he could barely control it, and he nodded. “I’m actually unbelievably nervous,” he admitted, and Edge could see it in his face, in the tension of his neck, and somehow he felt calmer for it.

“Just breathe.”

“Alright.”

“Alright?”

“Yes.” Bono took a deep breath and released it, and he gave Edge a thumbs up. “Alright, come on.”

Edge shook his head and smiled, and he hoped that Bono didn’t catch his expression. He’d never gotten a thumbs up before, but there was a first time for everything, and Bono was ticking off so many firsts for Edge in a single night that it was almost overwhelming. He looked down at himself and touched his cock, feeling the ache that he’d managed to have been distracted from, if only for a minute. He tested the lube, making sure it hadn’t gone tacky, and he moved forward before he lost his nerve. He went to grip Bono’s thigh again and thought better of it, and instead slid his hand under Bono’s arse. Bono stayed deathly still but for the rise and fall of his chest and Edge expected to see his eyes shut, but when he looked up Bono was staring back at him with bright eyes and a slight smile. Edge licked his lips and looked away, down at where he wanted to be, and he spread Bono’s arse with his left hand and gripped his cock with his right, and he guided himself forward until the head of his cock was pressed flush against Bono’s hole. Bono let out a small noise that felt a hundred miles away and Edge barely heard it. He swallowed harshly and pressed in, and he hadn’t expected an easy slide, not in the slightest, but he was taken aback by the resistance he felt. He pressed in harder, as hard as he dared to, and Bono made that same noise again, louder and Edge looked up to see his face, see his head tilted back and his eyes squeezed shut, and it hit him how extraordinary it was that he was doing this with Bono. How far they’d come.

Bono’s legs fell apart until his knees nearly hit the bedspread and he didn’t say anything, and Edge took it as a go-ahead and kept on pushing. It was nearly impossible to not slam straight on in and go for it, with the heat and the tightness and the burn in his groin, and Edge let out a gasp and grabbed at Bono’s hips and he heard Bono breathe, felt his body relax and he slid in tight until Bono let out a cry. “You alright?” Bono grimaced, but he nodded and when he opened his eyes, Edge was relieved. “Does it hurt?”

“Feels different than the dildo,” Bono said tightly. “Bigger.”

Edge was surprised; he’d thought that the sizing had been close, and he felt his ego puff up slightly and he grinned, and Bono licked his lips and gritted his teeth in a way that was almost a smile, and Edge couldn’t bear it any more. He pulled back until he was nearly all the way out, and it was easier than going in, and Bono cried out and again when he moved back on in and he still could only make it about halfway. “Don’t stop,” Bono said when Edge hesitated. “It’s good, it is.”

Edge doubted it, he really did, but he couldn’t listen to reason and he had to listen to Bono. He listened to the sharp cry that Bono let out when he moved again, and he went slow, holding Bono’s hips tightly as he fucked him gentle. He dug his fingers in and pulled Bono closer, pulled him tight until Bono’s legs came up and around him, and he felt Bono’s heels dig into his back and it was easier, it was so much easier than the first push, and he looked at Bono’s face and saw the sheen of sweat and the way his teeth dug into his lip, and he leaned in close until he could feel Bono’s cock pressing against his belly. He was barely hard anymore, and Edge kissed his neck and reached for his cock, and he matched his hips stroke for stroke until Bono moaned and brought a hand up to grab at the back of his head. “Feel good?” Edge grunted.

Bono’s head fell to the side, his mouth slack and Edge licked at his jaw, nipped him there and slammed his hips upwards and felt Bono’s fingers tighten in his hair and he gasped when Edge did it again, moaned when Edge grinded his hips. Edge felt lost, felt completely shaken and he felt like he could stop breathing at any moment, and he couldn’t stop, couldn’t slow down and he pumped his hips and listened to the wet slapping that filled the room, and he looked at the tendons taut in Bono’s neck and felt the wetness sliding between them. He felt his stomach tighten and there was a moment of pure dread alongside the pressure before he gasped and stuttered and snapped his hips. He stiffened, if only for a second, and then he felt the white hot roll through him and he thrusted once, twice before his body gave out on him.

There was a moment where Edge was lost, unsure of what to do besides suck in a desperate breath or two like he’d been underwater, and then he felt the hand on his back and shame spread through his nerves alongside the prickle, and he turned his head into Bono’s neck and breathed. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I wanted to, I wanted-” He cut himself off with a shake of the head, and he felt himself slip out of Bono, felt Bono’s legs come back down away from him, felt Bono’s hand stroke his back, up and down, and Edge licked his lips. “It was too quick.”

“Edge.” Bono’s hand found the back of his neck and he rubbed the skin there, working away at the tension until Edge had to turn and look at him. There was a gentle smile on his face, and his eyes were dark and he leaned in until their foreheads were touching. “It was wonderful.” Edge swallowed. He took in Bono’s face and the look in his eyes and he smiled back, a bit tentatively. Bono brought his hand from Edge’s neck and touched his cheek, and he leaned in close and kissed him lightly, more on his chin than his mouth, and his lips twisted into a wicked grin. “I feel like I might explode, Edge.”

Edge could feel him, pressing wet and hard into his stomach, and he wheezed out a laugh and dragged himself down, away from Bono’s touch and Bono gasped at the slide against his cock and pulled his head upwards to watch, his mouth falling open, and Edge knew exactly what he was thinking. Edge instead rolled off the side of the bed, ignoring Bono’s protests as he walked into the bathroom. He was careful to dispose of the condom, and he ran the cold tap and splashed some water on his face before looking at himself in the mirror. He was flushed, from his chest up to his cheeks, and he was covered in a thin sheen of sweat. With Bono, he thought, and he looked closer and saw the tremble in his body and the brightness of his eyes. He breathed deeply until his heart found a normal rhythm, and he heard Bono call his name.

“Just a second,” he called. He ran his hands over his chest and lower, until he grazed the line of his pubic hair, and he took another deep breath and smiled at himself.

“Edge!” It was shouted this time and Edge knew that if he didn’t go out there, Bono was going to end up right next to him in the mirror, and he was sure it wasn’t the best idea. He took one last look at himself before turning away, and his body felt loose and his mind quiet, and he walked out into the bedroom and saw Bono. He was sitting on the end of the bed with his legs spread and his hair in his eyes, slightly damp from sweat, and he cocked his head to the side and ran his hand down his chest. “You left me like this?”

Whatever calm Edge had found in the bathroom left him, and he was stuck on the pink of Bono’s skin and the way his hand was slowly moving lower, lower until he brushed thick hair and gave Edge a crooked smile. “You left me like this,” he repeated, and wrapped his fingers around his cock.

Edge watched the slow drag of his hand, not tight enough or fast enough to do much good, but still Bono’s head fell to the side and he groaned in such a way that Edge knew that he’d watched too much porn in his time. Edge pushed at his lower lip with his tongue and stood there, watching his best friend flaunt himself, and it felt more normal than anything else they’d done. He was still captivated by it though; still felt it in the twist of his stomach and the twitch of his fingers, and he had to push himself to move. He walked around the bed, forcing himself to tear his eyes away and Bono just kept on groaning until Edge picked up the lube and set it next to the touch lamp. He twisted and stared at Edge, and Edge just busied himself with putting the pillows back where they belonged. “What are you doing?” Bono asked, and Edge looked up to see pure frustration written all over his face.  Edge pulled the covers back as far as they could go on his side, knowing he wouldn’t get very far on the other side with Bono sitting there, and he stretched out high against the pillows, the material cool against his skin, and gave Bono a nod.

“If you come here, then I’ll take care of you.”

Bono stared at him for a second longer, and then he was up on his knees and crawling across the bed. He hesitated when he reached Edge, looking more unsure of himself than Edge had seen him in quite a while. “What-”

“Here.” Edge gripped his shoulders and pulled him closer, then pushed at him until Bono got the hint and settled, his arse on Edge’s lap and his body at an angle with his head up against the pillow. Edge shifted him slightly, trying to find a more comfortable position and Bono laughed a little awkwardly. He stopped when Edge skimmed his hand through Bono’s chest hair and lower, down his stomach and through his pubic hair until he brushed against his cock. He pulled away just as Bono started to jerk into him, and reached for the lube. “Here,” he said and handed Bono the tube. Bono blinked at it, and then at Edge, and Edge smiled and held out his hand. “Slick my fingers, Bono.”

Bono’s lips parted and Edge felt the tiny shudder go through his entire body as understanding hit him, and he flicked open the lid quickly and squirted nearly half the tube into Edge’s hand. “Shit.” Edge watched him work fast, felt Bono’s hands spread the lube over Edge’s fingers and around and over his own palm and he reached down and took his cock in hand. “Shit.”

“Wait,” Edge said, and he was surprised when Bono listened to him, though he didn’t pull his hand away. It stayed there, circled loosely and Edge reached his hand down past Bono’s and felt for his hole. The angle was off, Edge knew immediately and he gripped Bono’s chest with his left arm and pulled at him, shifted him high up against the pillows and held him there, and when he reached back down, Bono’s breath quickened and his knees fell apart, and he let out a moan when Edge slid the tip of his finger in. “Alright?”

He didn’t wait for an answer, just pressed on in, and it was easier than before, a simpler slide and he felt the heat up to his knuckle and watched Bono’s face shift and his eyes flutter closed, and he was sure that it was the perfect way to go about it. He slid his finger back out and didn’t bother asking for permission before adding a second, and Bono’s back arched as a moan left his lips, his right hand coming up to grasp at the back of Edge’s head, and it was tacky with lube and Edge knew that his hair was going to be a mess come morning, but he didn’t care.  He just listened to the noise Bono made and moved his hand. He went slowly at first; slightly scared that he might hurt Bono, but then Bono’s body went slack against him and his mouth fell open. His fingers tightened in Edge’s hair and Edge looked down, looked at his hand still loose around his cock and he was leaking against his stomach, and Edge dug his fingers into Bono’s ribs and started to pump faster.

Bono made a noise, one that Edge had never heard him make before, and he slammed his body down hard and cried out. “Shit,” Edge said, and nearly stilled his hand, feeling the first niggling of a cramp building up in his wrist. Bono rolled his hips and let out a breathy little moan that cut right through him, and Edge pushed past it and listened to the squelching that filled the room, and it was obscene. He looked at Bono’s face, looked at the shine of his forehead and the taut of his neck and he looked down at his heels digging into the bed. “Come on.”

Bono tightened his fist and his head fell back, and Edge watched his hand quicken and then he clamped down on Edge’s fingers and Edge looked to his face, looked at his mouth gasping and the furrow of his forehead as he cried out and shook. He tightened around Edge’s fingers and breathed heavy, his body trembling and Edge couldn’t look away from his face, and he watched as the lines began to smooth and he kept on fingering him slowly until Bono shuddered and lifted his hips. Edge’s fingers slipped out and he wiped his hand on the bed, and Bono’s fingers tightened in his hair briefly before slipping away, back down onto Edge’s chest. Edge couldn’t help himself, he grabbed at Bono’s wrist and kissed his skin, and he looked at the mess of come on Bono’s stomach and he ran a hand up and down Bono’s thigh and felt the skin prickle there. “Holy shit, Edge,” Bono whispered, and wiped his own hand on the bed. He slid down a bit until they came face to face, and Edge smiled at him.

“Was that what you wanted?”

Bono stared at him and licked his lips, and he leaned forward and kissed him gently. He pulled away and found Edge’s hand, and he intertwined their fingers and stared down at them, and Edge wondered if he was thinking about where that hand had just been, wondered if he was going to say anything at all, and then Bono swallowed hard and nodded.  “Good,” Edge said, and Bono turned and looked at the ceiling. His chest heaved and he swallowed again, and Edge was at a loss of what else he might say. He waited for Bono to find some motivation, to make a joke or say something inspired, but the silence stretched on and he looked over to see Bono with his eyes closed.

He was breathing steadily, not quite asleep but close to it, and Edge watched his eyes flicker and he was tempted just to let him sleep, but his arm was starting to fall asleep under Bono, and Edge knew that he wouldn’t be able to stand it for much longer. He let it go another couple of minutes before he leaned in and blew a stream of warm air into Bono’s ear. Bono made a face and Edge smiled. “Roll over, B.”

“No way,” Bono said. “I’m fucking comfy.” Edge felt his fingers tingle and he shook his head and pushed and yanked until he was free, ignoring Bono’s grumbling. He shook his hand in the air and waited for the blood flow to return before sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed. “Where are you going?”

“Need to clean up.”

“No, we’re fine, come back.”

Edge paused at the end of the bed and looked at Bono evenly. “You won’t be fine in the morning when you’re trying to pick dried come out of your chest hair.”

Bono huffed. “Yes I will, come here.” He patted the bed where Edge had been laying only moments before and he gave Edge a look that usually worked, but Edge just shook his head and continued on to the bathroom. There was a washcloth hanging over the glass of the shower, cool and nearly dry from Bono’s shower. Edge pulled it down and ran the sink until the water was warm enough, and he submerged the washcloth and washed his hands and rubbed the soap against the material. He washed most of the soapy bubbles away and wringed it out, then shut off the water and headed back into the bedroom.

Bono looked at him briefly before going back to studying the ceiling. His mouth twitched and Edge shook his head again, and when he kneeled on the bed Bono turned back to look at him. “You going to give me a sponge bath, Edge?”

Edge was tempted to just toss the washcloth on Bono’s chest and leave him to it, just to see the reaction it would garner, but he just smiled and shifted forward. Bono watched him, blinking slowly and he looked tired, he looked so tired that Edge hesitated and nearly backed off to leave him be. The lines on his face had smoothed out though, and he gave Edge an easy smile and reached out a hand, and Edge stayed there and let Bono rub at his neck for only a moment before he leaned in and set the washcloth down on Bono’s chest.

He moved slowly, rubbing up and down his stomach and working at the hair there, working away the mess that had started to dry, and he found himself frowning at his own hand as he travelled lower, wondering how they’d gotten so far, amazed at how easily he fell into it. He scrubbed harder and almost missed Bono’s chuckle. “So serious, Edge.”

Edge smiled. He couldn’t think of a response besides throwing out a fuck you, and he paused when Bono’s hand started to rub against his shoulder, so slowly and with as much effort as Edge expected from a languid Bono, and he let himself be touched for a moment longer before pulling away.

He wiped at Bono’s cock, enjoying the way Bono squirmed, and he went down lower and pushed at Bono’s knees. “What are you doing?”

“I’m giving you a sponge bath,” Edge said patiently, and Bono glared at him. “You’ve got lube everywhere down here.” Bono chewed at his lip and he shook his head, more at himself than anything, Edge was sure. He settled back against the pillows and sighed, and Edge felt more than a little amused, and it warmed his cheeks. “I did just have my fingers up there, Bono.”

“I know that,” Bono shot back, and Edge laughed. “Shut up.” There was a smile on his face and his eyes were warm, and he reached out and tapped Edge on the top of his head. “You’re keeping me from sleep.”

“We wouldn’t want that then.” Edge grabbed at Bono’s hand and he cleaned his fingers first, wiped away any remnants of lube and come and he reached for the other hand and wiped away the stickiness there before letting them settle back onto Bono’s damp chest.

“Where did you come up with that position anyway?” Bono asked. Edge stopped, his hand resting on Bono’s hip, and he glanced up and saw the way Bono’s eyes were shining. “Been watching a few questionable films, have we?”

Edge just grinned. He didn’t want to give Bono the satisfaction of being right, but he could see on Bono’s face that he’d figured it out anyway. He shook his head and shifted down and wiped at Bono’s arse, wiped down his crack and Bono giggled and stopped and shook his head again, and Edge brought the washcloth up almost expecting to see blood, but there was nothing. He looked at Bono and Bono looked back at him, his cheeks pink and his lip between his teeth, and he shrugged.

Edge went and rinsed out the washcloth in the sink, and he wrung it out and hung it over the tap before using the toilet. He washed his hands again and drank from the tap and he looked at himself in the mirror, and his neck was still pink and it surprised him. He set his hands flat against the counter for a moment, feeling the coolness seeping through his skin and he stared at himself, and he felt so dizzyingly calm that it almost turned to panic. He almost couldn’t believe it, and yet he could barely focus on a time before.

He flicked off the light on the way out and Bono was on his side with the sheet pulled up around him, and he watched Edge with heavy eyes until Edge was out of view, and he didn’t roll over. Edge turned off the lights and climbed in under the sheets, and he listened to Bono breathe. The sheet was cool against his skin and Edge turned until he was facing Bono, and he could make out a faint silhouette from the streetlight coming through the crack under the curtains.

“Edge, I have to tell you something.” Bono’s voice sounded husky and Edge was startled to hear it. He’d been sure that Bono was almost asleep, and he waited for him to continue, to roll over, but there was silence.

“What is it?”

Bono breathed deeply, and there was a slight rustling and then he felt Bono’s breath on his face and he could make him out so close in the darkness. “When we were in San Francisco, you kissed me.”

“No I didn’t,” Edge said quickly. Bono laughed and it made Edge feel like an idiot, but it had been the last thing he’d expected Bono to say. “When?”

“When we got back to the hotel,” Bono murmured. “You pushed me against the bed and you kissed me.”

Edge blinked, and he felt a little stunned. “But-”

“We were so drunk, Edge,” Bono said. “I waited for you to say something-”

“I don’t remember.”

“I know, it’s alright. You were completely pissed.” He laughed again, a slow chuckle that came deep from within his chest and made Edge want to lean in closer. “It was wet. It was really wet and you fell asleep almost immediately after. Such a cheap date you turned out to be.”

“Sorry.”

Bono hummed and he touched Edge’s cheek, his thumb digging under his jaw and Edge could make out the smile on his face. “It worked out okay, I think.” His hand dropped, and then Bono was rolling away, back towards the other side of the bed.

“Yeah.” Edge didn’t know what else to say and Bono stayed silent. He stared at Bono’s back, and it was easier to see now, easier for his eyes to adjust and he looked at the stretch of skin as it rose and fell and he waited until Bono’s breath evened out in sleep before he rolled onto his back. He dragged his hand up and down his stomach and he tried to remember that night, but he could only make out snatches of it, and nothing from back at the hotel.

He’d kissed Bono first. He’d kissed him first before he’d even thought about it, and Edge felt a little hysterical. He tried to picture what it might have been like, but his mind turned to other things, and he thought about the feel of Bono around him, thought about the way Bono's face had been and he thought of them back at school and why, Edge didn’t know, but he stayed on the memory like it had only happened a few days prior. Larry had been so young, they’d all been so young, and Edge had felt timid around them all. Bono had smiled at him, wide and goofy and there had been something there in his eyes that Edge hadn’t noticed before, a mixture of sadness and fury that rocked him, and Edge had pushed past and smiled back. He’d been useless, they’d all been pretty useless, and Edge lost the thought and moved on to what he might still be able to do to Bono. It left him feeling warm and he pulled the sheets closer and rolled to his side, and he listened to Bono’s breathing like he was in the next room.

He woke up, and he wasn’t sure why exactly, and the room was still dark and he was left with snatches of the dream he’d been having and a burn in his groin. He touched his cock lazily, thumb at the tip and he let his hand drop back to the bed as he tried to continue on with the he’d been having. He managed for a while, entertaining a thought that Bono had left in his mind while he’d been in the bath, and he could almost feel the wet heat of Bono’s mouth around him and then it was gone.

He rolled onto his side and touched himself again, but it was a dull ache that left him smiling. He let his eyes adjust and he watched the rise and fall of Bono’s back and listened to his steady breath, and he couldn’t help but reach out until his fingers found the warmth of Bono’s skin. Edge knew he should let Bono sleep, knew that he must be exhausted, and yet he kept his hand on Bono’s back and felt it move with each breath Bono took. It was enough to make his mind up, enough to leave him wanting to press up close and feel, and he skimmed his fingers along Bono’s skin until he found the jut of bone. He gripped at Bono’s hip and dug his fingers until he was sure it was enough, but Bono didn’t wake. He leaned in until he could smell Bono, smell the sweat and faded cologne and the scent of something more, and he dropped his hand over and rubbed at Bono’s stomach, felt the hair there and moved his finger lower into the dip of his bellybutton. He pressed in there and Bono’s breathing changed, and Edge smiled and shifted his hand lower through thick hair until the tips of his fingers brushed against Bono’s soft cock.

“What’re you doing?” Bono sounded more awake than Edge had expected, but his voice was thick and his breath caught in his throat when Edge’s fingers closed around him.

“You feel good.” It was easier to say such a thing in the dark, and Edge was tempted to repeat himself, tempted to come out with more.

“Do I?” Bono let out a throaty laugh and pushed his hips back until his arse rubbed against Edge’s erection. “So do you.”

Edge considered finishing it quick, grinding his hips forward and being utterly selfish, but the need was sluggish and pleasant and he wanted to feel Bono more than he wanted to lose himself. He moved his hand slow and pulled the tip between his thumb and his middle finger, and Bono let out a small sigh and tilted his arse back further until Edge could almost slip his cock in between. He didn’t, though it was tempting, just concentrated on the shift of his hand, the twitch of Bono’s cock as it thickened and hardened in his palm, and he smiled when Bono let out a moan and he smiled again when Bono reached his arm back and grasped at Edge’s hip. He opened his mouth to ask Bono, to get reassurance, and Bono moaned again and dug his fingers in tight. It almost hurt, and Edge felt like he was still half asleep and he had to laugh. “What?” Bono asked, and Edge got stuck on his voice, on how thick it sounded and how it stretched out and ended, and he thumbed at the tip of Bono’s cock until it slicked his hand, and Bono’s head rolled back towards him. “Edge.”

Bono’s hand moved from Edge’s hip to his own, and it slid down slightly and Bono gripped with his fingers and pushed back, and he moaned as Edge’s cock slipped between his parted cheeks. Edge moved his hand and rolled his hips a little, and Bono let out a sharp noise and Edge thought about pressing in. He nearly did, and he knew it wouldn’t work, and Bono rocked back against him and groaned.

“You alright?” Edge asked, and he pulled his hand away.

Bono grunted at the loss, and he laughed a little and turned his head. “Yes,” he said, and when Edge touched Bono’s shoulder he was sure he was smiling. “Edge.”

Edge raked his fingers up and down Bono’s arm, streaking wetness and feeling his skin rise and the hairs move and Edge felt drowsy and hot. He pressed his lips against Bono’s shoulder and slid his hand down till he was at Bono’s chest, and he combed his fingers through the hair and flicked at a nipple, and Bono pushed his hips back and sighed. Edge could almost push on in, and he did a little until Bono let out a small sound from the back of his throat. “Are you sore?”

 “Not really.”

“Not too bad?”

Bono didn’t respond, just shifted his knee forward and raised it, and Edge knew well enough what he was asking for. He slipped away and reached for the lamp, squinting when light filled the room and he saw Bono’s hand come up to cover his face. He blinked away the dark spots and grabbed for the lube and flicked open the lid before rolling back in. It was less than half full and he squeezed too much into his palm and most of it went onto his cock, and he stroked himself until he couldn’t bear it any longer, and pressed a finger against Bono’s entrance, taking in the gasp that Bono let out. He moved his finger, rubbing at the hole before pressing in, and he shifted in closer until he could smell Bono and fingered him slowly, briefly until Bono’s arm fell back behind him. He grasped at Edge’s cock and squeezed, and Edge licked his lips and slipped his finger out, and he felt Bono’s leg tremble against his foot.

The angle was better, easier than it had been with Bono on his back, and he listened to Bono breathe steadily as he held his cock and pushed in slow. Bono let out a moan and Edge matched it, and he pushed past the resistance and pulled out, and he could see Bono’s fingers digging into the white of his own arse, and it took Edge a couple of shallow thrusts before he could press in to where he wanted to be. He took a deep breath and reached over past Bono’s hand, and he took Bono’s erection in his palm and rolled his hips. He didn’t feel the urgency that he had before, just a light and warming need that came in slow waves all over his body, and he moved his hips slow and listened to Bono’s breath catch in his throat. He pulled his hips back too far and his cock slipped out wet onto the bed. It took him by surprise and he paused for a moment, looking down at himself. He’d not bothered with a condom, the thought hadn’t even occurred to him, and Bono let out a quiet laugh and reached back. His hand was steady around Edge’s cock and he guided him back close and held him until Edge started to press in, and he rested his hand on Edge’s hip after that, fingers flexing and digging into his skin.

Edge rolled his hips and kissed Bono’s neck, and he felt like he was in a haze. He stroked Bono’s cock tight and thumbed at his slit, and he moved his hand fast and listened to Bono’s breathy gasp and felt him clench around Edge’s cock, and then he was crying out and shaking. Edge kept up the pace, stroking him through it and feeling the wet heat over his fingers until Bono’s grabbed at his hand and pulled it away. His breath came out quickly and Edge could see the shine at his neck and he kissed him there and ran his tongue up until he met Bono’s ear, and he snapped his hips once and let out a stuttered moan.

It rolled through him slowly, a comfortable warmth that curled his toes and caught in his chest, and Edge gasped and gripped at Bono’s wrist and thrust his hips to get the last of it.

He stayed still for a moment, trying to breathe normally and calm himself, and his cock slipped out onto the bed and Bono drew in a sharp breath. Edge had to smile at that, and wiped his hand on the small space between them. He watched Bono’s shoulders shake and he blinked blearily as Bono laughed. “You alright?”

“Wonderful,” Bono replied, his voice shaking still, and Edge wasn’t sure if he was answering the question or giving a compliment. He dragged his gaze up and down the length of Bono’s body and waited until Bono stilled before reaching his hand out. Bono jerked at the first touch of Edge’s hand against his arse, and he laughed again when Edge trailed his fingers down the curve. “Edge.”

“I’ve got to,” Edge mumbled, and his body felt like it was dragging, but he had to make sure that there was no damage. Bono writhed against his touch but didn’t say any more, and Edge dug his fingers in and pulled Bono’s cheek up and back until he could see his hole. He blinked and watched as his come started to leak out, and it felt dirty, it felt so fucking dirty that Edge almost woke up again. He stared at it until Bono huffed and jerked away, and Edge rolled on his back and stared at the ceiling.

“Jesus,” Bono muttered. “Edge?”

Edge pushed himself up onto his elbows, and it was an effort. He closed the lid of the lube and set it on the side table, and he shut off the light and rolled back over.

He thought about getting up, going to grab the washcloth to clean them, and he was sure Bono was lying in a wet patch, and he was sure that Bono must have been uncomfortable, and he relaxed into the pillows and couldn’t find it in himself to get back up. He listened to Bono’s breathing, and it was light and catching here and there, and the bed moved with Bono as he turned and turned again and then the sheet was pushed back. Edge listened to his footsteps until the bathroom light came on, and he watched Bono’s back until Bono turned and smiled at him, and then he closed the door with a quiet click. There was a faint line of light coming from the bottom of the door, and Edge looked at Bono’s pillow. He thought about getting up and following Bono, checking on him and making sure he was alright, and he listened to the sound of the water running dully through the walls and it kept on going.

The room was lighter when he next opened his eyes, and he felt warm, almost too warm and a little lost at first with his face well cushioned in the pillow. He dragged his knees up and curled his back until it popped, and his cheek was wet against the cream material. He turned his head until he could see the damp spot his mouth had left and brought a lazy hand to wipe at his face. He looked at the window, looked at the dim light seeping under the curtains and listened to the steady snores at his back. It took him back to years before, to nights on the road when he missed his family and his bed while Bono had been a few feet away and flat on his back. Edge had focused on his breathing then, focused on his snoring until it calmed him, and he’d missed it some nights later on when he’d been wide awake at five am in a giant lonely hotel room.

Edge smiled and rolled over, rolled away from the wetness that told him he’d slept heavy, and he found Bono facing the other way. Edge was tempted to turn him over until he could see his face, but he didn’t want to wake him. He looked at the tangle of Bono’s hair and it was matted at the back and curled at the ends, and Edge rubbed a few strands between his fingers and let the night before roll over him. He couldn’t control himself, couldn’t help but touch Bono further, and he dragged his fingers light down Bono’s spine until he could feel the skin prickle. He felt almost drunk, and it was such an odd feeling to have so early in the morning after a night of not drinking, and he shifted forward until his chest pressed against Bono’s back. Edge breathed in deep and Bono’s hair tickled his nose, and he could still faintly make out the scent of shampoo. He tucked his arm under Bono’s and waited for the moment of truth, but Bono just shifted slightly before settling, and he felt so warm and soft that Edge just couldn’t pull away.

 It left him with a feeling that he couldn’t quite put a finger on, but Edge had known for days that he was in trouble, and he relaxed into it. He closed his eyes and breathed and tried to focus on a single thought, but his brain kept skipping from moment to moment and he wondered what time it was. Early, he was sure it was early, and he stayed there for a while longer and was almost positive he’d drifted off again, and it felt lighter when he opened his eyes. His mouth felt dry and his skin hot, and he rolled away until he found the edge of the bed.

He was quiet as he threw back the covers, and he nearly started to tiptoe across the room before remembering who he was with. He’d joked before with Adam and Larry that one day Bono would sleep through the apocalypse, while Bono had rolled his eyes and muttered his defense. He padded to the minibar and looked over at Bono, curled up under the covers without a care in the world, and Edge yanked open the door. He pushed past the bottles of alcohol until he landed on a small bottle of plain orange juice that would probably add another ten dollars to Bono’s bill. He wandered the room as he drank from the bottle, and he stood at the end of the bed and looked at Bono. The window was casting a certain warmth over the sheets and Edge glanced at the curtains, then looked to the digital clock by Bono’s head for the first time since he’d awoken. It had just gone eight and Edge felt rested in a way that was barely familiar. He rolled his shoulders and sipped from the bottle, and he looked to the bathroom and decided to have a shower. He walked into the bathroom and shut the door quietly behind him, and he looked at the shower and turned towards the bath instead.

Edge set the bottle of juice on the counter and after a moment of contemplation, emptied the complimentary bottle of body wash into the bath. He used the toilet while the water ran, and smiled at the bubbles and felt the temperature before slipping in. The water was hot but not overly so, and he turned the cold tap until it was almost completely off. The bubbles were already starting to disappear and the bath wasn’t even half full, and he remembered a time when he was young and determined to hold his breath underwater for longer than his brother. It seemed childish now and he slid down until his shoulders found the heat of the water, and he kept going until he had to hold his breath and close his eyes and his face was almost completely submerged.

The stream of the tap sounded almost thundering to his ears under the water, and Edge stayed down until his lungs started to burn and his heart started to race, and he came up gasping. He felt giddy and water clogged, and he shook his head till his ears popped and wiped at his eyes, and nearly jumped out of his skin. He felt like a bit of a fool and he reached forward and shut off the water, waiting for whatever was about to come, but Bono just smiled down at him. “Morning, The Edge.” Bono’s voice was husky from sleep, and he pulled his robe tighter around himself as his eyes skimmed up and down the length of the bath, and the bubbles were all but gone. His smile grew wider and he started forward before stopping himself and turning towards the toilet.

“Morning,” Edge said. He watched Bono’s hands work the belt of the robe before forcing himself to turn away, and he looked at the distortion of his hands half immersed in the water and listened to Bono go. He flicked at the water until the toilet flushed, and he didn’t look up until the sink stopped running. Bono had done his robe back up and it felt a little unfair when Edge was so exposed, and he watched as Bono drank the rest of his juice before setting the empty bottle back next to the sink. “I was drinking that.”

“We’re you now?” Bono’s knees found the tiles and he leaned one arm against the side of the bath. “Finishing Edge’s orange juice, what a terrible person I turned out to be.”

“Terrible,” Edge agreed. Bono smiled at him and reached forward with his other arm and Edge braced himself, but Bono didn’t touch him. He skimmed the water with his fingertips, watching it ripple and turn and Edge was tempted to push his hips up and into Bono’s hand.

“You don’t usually take baths,” Bono said. He tapped at the water and smiled before bringing his arm up and covering his left hand with his damp fingers. He rested his chin on his knuckles and raised his eyebrows at Edge. “I didn’t think you liked them much.”

“Sometimes I do. Sometimes I like showers.” Edge shrugged. “It depends.”

Bono smirked like Edge had said something incriminating, and he turned his head until his cheek pressed into the back of his hand. “You know, most people like to take baths when they’re tense,” he said. “Are you tense, Edge?”

“No.”

“No,” Bono murmured. “You shower, don’t you?” He lifted his head from his hands and licked his lips and he leaned forward until his breath tickled Edge’s chin. “You’re not like most people, are you?”

Bono kissed him before Edge could even think to answer, and he tasted of juice and sleep. He smiled against Edge’s mouth and went to pull away, and Edge grabbed at his shoulders and held him there. He pressed his lips against Bono’s cheek and scraped against the stubble until he found Bono’s jaw, and he slipped his hands down the soft robe until he found the curve of Bono’s arse, and he smiled at the laughter in his ear and gripped until his fingers dug in. “Edge,” Bono said, and Edge wasn’t sure if it was a warning or an ask for more, but then Bono’s arms were sliding around his wet shoulders and Edge felt confident. He had that drunken feeling about him again, and he was glad for it. “Edge.”

Edge felt the laughter bubble up in his chest as an idea came to him, and he gripped Bono tighter and pulled him up and into the bath. Bono let out a cry as he went, his hand coming out to grab at the wall and his knee knocking loudly against the side of the bath, and he landed so heavily against Edge that it nearly knocked the wind out of him along with the water that sloshed onto the floor, but it was worth it for the look on Bono’s face. “Sorry,” Edge said, and he tried to keep a straight face before failing completely. Bono rolled until Edge could breathe properly and he pressed into the gap between the bath and Edge’s body, and it was too small and too tight and Bono’s foot came up and hooked over Edge’s leg and he smirked.

“You’re not sorry in the least, are you?”

“I’m not,” Edge admitted. Bono’s smile grew wider but he said nothing. His hand came up to rest against Edge’s chest, his fingers finding the hair there. He stroked idly, a look coming over his face that Edge just couldn’t place, and he tugged at Edge’s chest hair one more time before letting his hand go lax. There was a silence and Edge looked at his face, really looked at him and he could see the weariness now, in the turn of his mouth and the lines near his eyes. “Are you alright?”

“Fine. And you?”

Edge hesitated, but the look was gone. “Fine. How’s everything? You know-”

“Down under?” Bono shrugged. “A bit sore. But it’s a good sore, Edge.”

Bono looked at him and Edge could see the sleep in the corner of his eye, and he looked rumpled and worn and Edge wanted to kiss him and kiss him and pull him down, and the feeling was so overwhelming that Edge could barely push it away. He brought the washcloth up to Bono’s face instead and Bono grabbed it with a laugh before Edge could make contact. “Wash your face,” Edge said needlessly.

“Am I disgusting?” Bono asked and Edge shook his head. He watched Bono scrub at his face until he was pink in the cheeks, and the washcloth was flung onto Edge’s chest with all the carelessness that Bono could muster. Edge picked it up and set it over the side of the bath, and he listened to it drip onto the floor a few times as Bono settled himself. “I slept like a rock, you know.” Bono raised an eyebrow at Edge. “Though there was an interruption.”

“Oh really?” Edge said.

“Mmm. I didn’t mind it much though.” Bono sighed and Edge watched as he pulled his hand from Edge’s chest. He found the belt of his bathrobe, sodden under the water and he frowned at it. “You got my robe all wet, Edge.”

“I’m not sorry about that either.”

A wicked smile spread across Bono’s face and he turned further in until his mouth was against Edge’s jaw. “Naughty boy,” he murmured. He kissed Edge there, wet against his skin and he dragged his mouth until he was at Edge’s ear and breathing harshly. “You never used to be like this.” His teeth clicked against Edge’s earring and Bono chuckled before dragging it into his mouth. His teeth pulled at the lobe of Edge’s ear and his tongue flicked against the earring, and Edge dropped his head back until it landed with a thump. He looked down at their bodies, at how utterly exposed he was and how covered Bono remained. He took in the size of the bath and imagined holding Bono down in it and Bono sucked and nipped until Edge moaned, and there was a smile on his face when he pulled away. “What are we going to do about this, Edge?”

“About what?”

Bono gestured down at his body. “Do you think they’ll charge me for property damage?” He dragged his hand back up slowly, through the warmth of the water and out until he found Edge’s neck. He grasped him there gently, his fingers finding the beat of Edge’s pulse. “I don’t think I could afford it, Edge.”

“No, especially not after having to pay for the juice,” Edge agreed and he felt Bono’s breath huff out against his cheek. “You’ll have to start whoring yourself out to pay for it all.”

“Don’t I already?”

Edge smiled. He had a few different answers to the question, and he knew Bono would laugh at most of them, but he just bit his tongue and felt Bono’s fingers tighten slightly around his neck, not enough to be restrictive, but enough to remind Edge they were there. He pulled himself up, his arse sliding against the bottom of the bath and causing a dull squeak to fill the room. Bono slipped down further, Edge’s move giving him more room to breathe, and his hand fell from Edge’s throat. He looked up at Edge, slightly confused, but Edge just smiled down at him and reached for the belt of Bono’s robe. It felt heavy in his hand but it came away easier than it had the night before, and Bono drew in a sharp breath. “Edge?”

Edge ignored him and pulled the material away until he could see Bono, see dark hair and pink flesh and he thought of their night, of only a few hours ago and his skin thrummed and he pushed it away and reached instead for Bono’s shoulder. The robe fell heavily away from his skin and Edge pushed it down until it was pooled under Bono’s hips. He waited for Bono to lift - knowing that he would - before shoving it down and kicking it to the bottom of the bath. Bono looked at him with wide eyes and Edge shrugged. “We’ll hide it under the towels,” he explained and Bono continued to stare, and then he started to laugh.

“And here I was thinking that you were about to seduce me.”

Edge smiled. He took in Bono’s face and felt calmer about it, and he ignored the heaviness in his chest and relaxed until his body started to slide back down. Bono shifted to accommodate him, and he waited until Edge came to a stop before turning back in towards him. His ankle hooked back over Edge’s and his head fell against Edge’s shoulder and he sighed and closed his eyes. Edge looked at him and he thought about it, really thought about dragging his arm down until he could take Bono in his palm. He thought about turning Bono over in the cramped space of the bath and using the shampoo for an easy entrance, and he could picture the water sloshing over onto the floor and his knees slipping against the bottom of the bath. He looked down at their bodies, and he could feel Bono pressed soft against his hip and they were as naked as each other, and it left him feeling warm, so warm and not just from the water, but there was another feeling there as well, and he stayed with it. He pressed his chin into Bono’s hair and closed his eyes, and he felt Bono shiver under his fingertips as he dragged his hand up and down his side. “You’re not going to fuck me, are you?”

“Do you want me to?” He opened his eyes to see Bono’s reaction, and caught the way Bono looked down at them, the fleeting expression that crossed his face as he licked his lips.

“This is nice,” Bono said quietly, and Edge nodded. It was nice. It was nice and normal, though he couldn’t quite remember a time when he’d held Bono so close for so long. Maybe in the early days, when they’d been cold at night or homesick, or maybe later on when Bono had invaded his space and stayed there, but he couldn’t remember a single time. It did feel normal though, and Edge thought about why and he closed his eyes once more.

Bono shifted closer, away from the side of the bath until he was half sprawled on top of Edge and it had to be more comfortable for Bono, but it constricted Edge somewhat. He didn’t dare say anything, just turned until he could breathe properly and Bono pulled his leg up, his thigh dragging wetly against Edge’s hip, and he sighed and stilled. They stayed there for a while, the shift of the water occasionally breaking the silence, and Edge thought that he could fall asleep like that, but he couldn’t still his mind. He was stuck on a few things, not just the night before or the future or the press of Bono’s body against his. He was stuck on San Francisco, and as much as he tried, he just couldn’t remember that night. He couldn’t remember kissing Bono at all, and he didn’t doubt Bono’s word in the least, but it was eating away at him and he wanted to know more. He tried to push it from his mind, but the bath was starting to cool, and it wasn’t long before Bono became restless.

“Are you hungry?” It was Bono’s way of announcing to the world that someone should bring him food, and he always tried to be courteous about it at first.

“Do you want me to order room service?” Edge asked.

Bono sighed. “No, no I’ll do it.” He didn’t make to get up though, and Edge listened to his hand dragging through the water for a few seconds before opening his eyes. Bono’s head was turned down, his body lax in such a way that Edge wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to escape from underneath him, and he looked so incredibly content that Edge knew he had no say in when they were getting out. Edge’s chest tightened and he had to look away, look towards the door that Bono had left hanging wide open.

“Can you imagine if housekeeping walked in right now?” he asked. Bono chuckled, low in his chest and his hand moved from the water to Edge’s wrist. He gripped it loose and then rearranged his body before sitting up, his back pressed against the side of the bath in a way that left his entire body a bit twisted. It had to be uncomfortable, but Bono didn’t seem to notice or care, and he grinned down at Edge crookedly.

“It’s been a while since we made the front page of the newspapers.”

“You think it would make the front page?”

“Have some confidence in yourself, The Edge.” Bono pulled himself up until he was straddling Edge’s leg with his knees and he braced a hand against the side and leaned in close. He kissed Edge sweetly, and lingered there until Edge considered opening his mouth and drawing Bono’s tongue in, but he couldn’t. He just let Bono’s lower lip drag up and away and he caught the smile on Bono’s face and reached out his hands to grasp at slippery hips. “No, I’m getting out,” Bono insisted, and pushed Edge’s hands back down.

“Why?”

“I feel so terribly faint, Edge, I need breakfast or I might just die.” Bono sighed dramatically and Edge rolled his eyes.

“You’re so full of shit,” he said. Bono bit his lip and grinned, and he leaned back until he was sitting on his feet, and he swayed from side to side, his legs rubbing against Edge’s. Water dripped from the ends of his hair, and he looked young in a way that Edge couldn’t quite believe, in a way that made his chest lurch. He had to reach out a hand, and he touched the softness of Bono’s stomach until Bono slapped his hand away with an embarrassed laugh. “What?”

“Too many pancakes.”

Edge sighed. “You’re not fat.” He didn’t know why he bothered, and when Bono looked away he was tempted to tell him again what he’d said the night before, but he knew it would fall on deaf ears. He brought his arms back up and set his hands on Bono’s thighs this time, and he rubbed up and down until Bono turned back to look at him. “Tell me something, and then you can get out.”

“What?”

“What happened in San Francisco?”

Bono made a face. “We went and saw the house from Full House, Edge.”

“Bono-”

“I told you, you kissed me.”

“That’s it? Did I say anything?”

Bono hesitated, his tongue running over the front of his teeth, and then he looked at Edge and shrugged. “I don’t really remember, I just remember you kissing me. And trying to undo my pants.” Edge raised his eyebrows and Bono laughed. “We were drunk, Edge, it’s all a bit hazy but I had enough sense to stop you. But it made me think I had a chance.”

“That’s why you asked me that night?”

“That’s why.”

Edge nodded. He remembered Bono’s face, the way Bono had reacted when he’d said no, and he wanted to pull him down and hug him but Bono shifted before he could do anything. He gripped at the side of the bath and pulled himself awkwardly to his feet. “The water’s going cold.”

“Yeah.” Edge watched as Bono swung a foot over the side of the bath, grabbing at the towel rack to steady himself. The other foot followed, and Bono took a single step before slipping in the water. He righted himself with a laugh, his grip tightening on the towel rack, and Edge sent up a silent prayer that he’d had the sense to hold on to something. “You alright? Be careful.”

“Oh Edge, I’m invincible,” Bono said, and he looked over his shoulder with a straight face. The redness of his cheeks gave him away and Edge laughed and shook his head. He watched as Bono grabbed a towel and walked away, his feet slapping against the wet tiles as he made his way bare arsed into the next room, and when Bono closed the door it hit him swiftly. His chest tightened as he looked at the tiles and he knew what the feeling was, knew it completely as he stared down at Bono’s wet footsteps. It was ridiculous, as ridiculous as Bono could be, and he thought he might choke but the moment passed quickly and he slumped back in the bath, the water sloshing around him, and he drew in a stuttering breath. It was all he could manage and he thought he should have a bigger reaction, a louder one that might make Bono rush back in and see the look on his face and know, but all he could do was breathe.

Edge stayed in the bath until his heart stopped thumping so hard, until the water was cool enough to be uncomfortable, and he washed his face and his body with the washcloth and wringed it out properly before hanging it over the tap. He pulled the plug and watched as Bono’s bathrobe was drawn into the drain, blocking the path of the water, and he pulled it to the side and held it, watching the water swirl and listening to the noise it made as the bath got closer and closer to emptying. He twisted the robe between his fingers and the water splattered, but it was too soaked through for him to make any further effort with it, and it landed with a dull thump at the bottom of the bath. He dried himself briefly and wrapped the towel around his waist, and he ignored the coldness that dripped from his hair and streaked down his bare back and pulled open the door.

Bono was dressed in dark jeans and a black shirt with a print that Edge didn’t recognize, and his towel was strewn carelessly on the floor. Edge had expected as much, and when Bono smiled at him he had to return it.

They ate scrambled eggs on the bed and the toast was cold, but Edge didn’t complain though he watched Bono push it to the side. The coffee was hot and that was good enough for Edge, and he drank it in sips between pulling on his pants and shirt and shoes, and he collected both their towels and threw them in the bath with the bathrobe while Bono brushed his teeth. “Hide it, Edge,” he said between spits and Edge rearranged the towels so that the bathrobe was hidden. “That’s my boy.”

Bono took his time gathering his things, and Edge brushed his teeth and cleared their plates and cups and made the bed to hide the stains and he slipped the bottle of vodka into Bono’s bag just as Bono was starting to zip it up. It took him less than a minute to sort his own things, and Bono watched him from the bed with his hands folded in his lap. “Don’t forget your hat,” he said.

“It’s your hat.” Edge picked up the hat and walked to the bed with it, and he went to hand it to Bono.

“No, it’s my gift to you,” Bono insisted, his hands coming up in front of him. “Treasure it, Edge.” Edge rolled his eyes and set it on the bed and when he glanced up, Bono was still watching him. “There’s still half an hour till check out.”

Edge nodded. Bono looked calm, and his tone had been so matter-of-fact that Edge didn’t feel like he was implying anything, but still he took a step closer and rested his hands on Bono’s shoulders. He felt strange, his chest tight and his skin thrumming, and he wanted to ask Bono one thing and wanted to tell him another. He could see Bono’s hair properly from the angle, and he had to shake his head. “Did you bring a brush?”

“I forgot.” Bono blinked up at Edge, his eyes wide and his mouth open in a toothy grin, and Edge gripped his shoulder tighter and smiled back. “Is it bad?”

“It’s not good, Bono.”

“The beautiful girl from room service saw me like this.” Bono frowned. “She’ll tell her beautiful friends, you know. They always do.”

“There goes our beautiful girl demographic, I suppose,” Edge muttered.

Bono laughed, his eyes crinkling as he looked up at Edge, and his face changed completely as soon as Edge brought his hands up and into Bono’s hair. Bono lowered his gaze and pursed his lips, and Edge couldn’t quite believe himself. He tried to focus on the tangles and the kinks, and he worked his fingers through gently and snagged his finger in a knot, and Bono let out a quiet sigh. “Feel alright?” Edge asked, and he shook his head at himself, at the way his voice wobbled.

Bono didn’t seem to notice and he didn’t answer, just leaned forward until his forehead was pressed into Edge’s stomach. His arms came up and around Edge’s waist, fingers digging into his shirt and Edge felt his hot breath seep through the thin material and hit his skin, and he hesitated for only a moment as he tried to steady himself. It didn’t work and Edge continued on, dragging his fingers through and looking for knots that were no longer there, and he kept going even when Bono turned his head to the side. His hair was soft but beginning to turn and he’d need to wash it soon, and Edge thought of taking him back into the bathroom, thought of telling Bono they were staying another night, and he swallowed and set his hands back onto Bono’s shoulders.

“Am I pretty now?” Bono asked and Edge let out a loud laugh that surprised the both of them, and he pushed Bono back by the shoulders until his arms slipped away from around Edge’s back and he was stretched out on the bed with his legs hanging off the side. He looked amused, his eyes shining and his mouth pulled back in an upside down grin, and Edge stretched out at his side with his head propped up by an elbow, and he swung his leg over top of Bono’s and pulled down the neck of his shirt. He kissed Bono, just under the collarbone and Bono shook with laughter and shoved at him. “Edge.”

“What?” Edge arranged Bono’s shirt so that it sat properly, and when he looked up he was struck by the look on Bono’s face, and it reminded him completely of years before, of Edge’s wedding day. Bono had hugged him and pulled away, and his smile had been wide but his gaze in another place entirely, and Edge had thought of that look from time to time as the years went on, when he was alone and wondering if he was in that same place that Bono had been that day. He thought of leaning forward and kissing Bono properly, but he pulled away until he was sitting up against the stacked pillows, and Bono followed his movements with a furrowed brow.

“Alright, Edge?”

“I’m fine,” Edge said, and Bono gave him a look that said he wasn’t convinced in the slightest. Edge didn’t blame him, and he leaned back into the pillows and licked his lips when Bono settled down beside him. He didn’t look over, though he knew Bono was watching him, and he felt sick to the stomach and it had come over him so suddenly that he hadn’t had time to prepare himself. He looked to the clock by the bed and knew he had to ask. “What happens now?”

“What?”

“Do we go back on it?” Edge asked. He turned to look at Bono after a beat of silence, and he caught the look in his eye. Bono’s hand came up to his mouth and he tapped at his lips and stared straightforward, and Edge wanted to say more, wanted to remind him that it had started out as a one-time thing, and that Bono was married, and that Edge just didn’t know anymore. He wanted to tell him, but the silence stretched on and Bono took a deep breath and nodded slowly. He didn’t look at Edge, and Edge thought it was for the best. “Alright.”

The radio was quiet in the car and Edge flicked through a few stations, trying to find a song that might drown it all out, and he came up empty and switched it off in the middle of Billie Jean. He kept his eyes on the road and listened to the drone of the engine, and he felt angry, so fucking angry at himself, at everything that he thought that he might yell. He could have said more, Edge was sure of it, and he slammed his hand against the steering wheel. He should have said more.

He turned the radio back on and turned it up loud, and he landed on a Pink Floyd song that slowed his mind and made him smile, just a little. Bono had hugged him before Edge had left, and he’d leaned in close until his mouth was at Edge’s ear before thanking him, and Edge couldn’t focus on that, he couldn’t think of it at all, and he watched the traffic around him until it thinned out to a random scatter, and he turned left and then right and went straight on.

Adam had the front door open before Edge could find the right key, and he stepped to the side with his hand tight on the doorknob. Edge set his bag down by the couch and wandered into the kitchen, and Adam followed him and stood by the sink, his hands flexing at his side as he looked at Edge. “Well, shall I put the kettle on?” he asked after a stretch of silence. “Or should we go for something stronger?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title comes from the Pink Floyd song that Edge is actually listening to at the end. It felt fitting. And I've never written porn before on this level, so please hold me close, I nearly didn't make it


	15. Down On Killiney Beach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this has taken so long, life has been...life. And...well, you know. I've been working on this steadily though and I was going to post one chapter and be done with it, but the chapter kept going and going and as I'm writing this, it was originally at almost 16,000 words and only about 85% finished. I thought it best to chop it in half, especially since I need to go back and do some reworking on the end. But I'm damn close and I've written so much of it so it shouldn't be much of a wait at all!
> 
> ...famous last words.
> 
> This is for likeamadonna, who came out of nowhere and stunned me dead and made me want to finish this beast of a fic. Bless you, and all of you really.

Edge could remember the actual act of sitting down and watching A Streetcar Named Desire, could remember seeing it listed in the guide and telling himself that he should watch it because it was a classic and almost expected of him, not on the level of Citizen Kane or Casablanca, but certainly up there. He couldn’t remember the year, but he was sure they had been on tour and he was sure it was in the early days, and he couldn’t remember if he was alone or with somebody, but he could clearly recall the act of watching and enjoying it, and it struck him odd that he could barely remember a single thing that had happened in the movie.

He felt like he’d done more than enough talking and thinking for the day, felt like the day had went on and on like a drag and he’d waited for the phone to ring and it hadn’t, and he’d gone here and there through the house looking for a distraction. He’d found himself stuck after twenty minutes with his guitar in hand, and he’d reread the same three pages of the latest Rolling Stone before giving up. He’d glanced at the book Bono had lent him and thought better of it, and he’d tried to sleep before settling down on the couch. Edge had thought about starting to pack a few bags for the tour and he’d left it and left it until it wasn’t worth starting anymore, and he'd swore to himself he'd start it first thing in the morning. They’d eaten a quiet dinner together, pizza ordered in because neither of them could find the effort to do anything about it and it had been late, and Adam had let him eat the last slice. Adam had flicked through the channels looking for something to land on, and they’d watched the second half of Moonraker and Edge had almost paid attention to some of it. He’d said goodnight to Adam after spending the entire day trying to ignore the looks that Adam kept sending his way, and he’d flicked through channels and there had been Brando in black and white, and he’d stretched out on the couch with only the brightness of the television lighting the room.

He was almost sure that he’d been alone, that night early on.

Edge tried to pay attention, tried to clear his mind of things that kept weighing him down so that he could actually focus and absorb the storyline, but it was too hard and he kept on wandering, and he knew he’d been watching for at least an hour and he still had no idea what was going on.

He looked at the screen and there was Brando, looking broken and too good for the world and he had to look away. Edge found himself squinting through the dim at the clock and he couldn’t believe the late hour. The day had dragged; he’d had a shower and changed and had a couple of drinks with lunch and a couple more after dinner, and he still felt like he’d only just gotten out of that bath. It was enough to make him glance back at the clock to make sure, almost enough to make him head back into the kitchen for another round, and he was sorely tempted to go and drag Adam back out so he had someone to talk to. Not necessarily about Bono or anything that was stuck in his mind and driving him down; Edge just wanted the mindlessness of a conversation about nothing and anything.

Adam had been tired though, too tired for the amount of nothing he’d been doing since he’d been home, and Edge just couldn’t bring himself to go and disturb him. He tried to focus back on the movie, and he blinked a few times and felt a bit stupid and wondered if he’d nodded off, and he rolled onto his back and rubbed at his face.

She’d only agreed to the one night, Edge was all but certain. He knew Ali, knew her in ways that surprised even himself sometimes, and he knew how she was about Bono, and he respected and loved her for it. He didn’t know her like this though, didn’t know if she’d ever agree to anything more, to _sharing_ , and Edge almost laughed at the simpleness of it, but it was what it was. He was almost certain it had not been an easy twist of the arm, convincing her for just the one night, despite how troubled Bono might have been by it. It couldn’t have been easy, and Bono was an expert salesman. Edge just didn’t know, and he squeezed his eyes shut and pulled at his hair a bit too hard, and he knew that it was well past his bedtime.

He looked back at the television and thought it over, and he knew that it didn’t matter if he was on the couch or in his bed, because he wasn’t going to be sleeping anyway. He didn’t know what else to do, and turned down the volume until the television was muted and dropped the remote onto the ground. He watched Vivien Leigh gesture silently while looking lost and erratic, and he found himself staring at the Nintendo and considering it, and his attention was taken away by the light coming through the curtains. Edge sat up frowning, and he fumbled for the lamp and squinted against the sudden glare of the room. He got up slowly and walked to the window and he pulled the curtains back just in time to see Bono slam his car door behind him. He took a moment too long to lock it, and Edge could tell immediately that he had at least a couple of drinks in him, though he looked steady enough as he walked towards the stoop with his hands in his pockets, his shoulders slumped and his breath steaming in the air. Edge sucked in a breath and wiped his hands on his pants. It was unexpected, Bono showing up, and yet Edge wasn’t the least bit surprised. He drew in another breath and it felt wrong, and he wasn’t ready for it and yet he had to hold himself back from rushing outside.

Bono stopped and squinted up at the porch light, and his lips moved and he ran a hand through his hair and took a step back and turned around, heading back towards the car, and then he stopped and shook his head and spun back around, and Edge could see the look on his face and he licked his lips and let the curtain fall back, and he stepped over and unlocked the door as quick as he could before slowly pulling open the door. He kept one hand on the door as he stepped out, and the cold hit him faster than he expected and he had to hold back from shuddering. Bono stopped in his tracks and glanced up at him, looking like he’d been caught with his hand in a jar of sweets. He shrugged his shoulders and smiled up at Edge, and pulled a hand from the pocket of his shearling coat to give a half-hearted wave.

“Hi,” Edge said.

“Evening,” Bono replied. He looked a little uneasy, and when he glanced back towards his car Edge had to stop himself from walking down. He let the door shut nearly all the way to keep the warmth in and any insects out, and Bono huffed out a breath and started up towards him. “I wasn’t sure if you would still be up.” He gripped the railing as he walked up the steps, and he smiled at Edge and looked past him at the door. “Is Adam home?”

“You parked next to his car.”

Bono looked back at his car and laughed quietly. “So I did.” He walked up close to Edge, his hand slipping back into his pocket, and Edge could see his face clearer now and he looked as worn as Edge had ever seen him. “Doesn’t always mean he’s home though, does it?”

“He’s in bed.”

“Yeah.” Bono twisted around a little, looking here and there and like he was trying for some warmth, and Edge wanted to say something, wanted to step forward and grab him, but he just wasn’t sure. “I was just - just driving, you know?”

“Have you been drinking?”

“Here and there.” Bono cocked his head and grinned at him. “Gav told me recently that my driving skills seem to improve after a drop or two and, you know, I’m almost inclined to believe him.”

Edge sighed, though he knew he didn't have a leg to stand on. He took in Bono’s steady stance and knew that it was fine, knew that Bono really meant it when he said here and there, and he pushed the door back open and looked at Bono until Bono got the hint and shuffled in from the cold. Edge could smell his cologne as he passed, faint as it was, and he swallowed harshly against the lump in his throat and tried to think of a time when everything about his best friend hadn’t fucked with him.  He’d thought about it in the shower, thought about it before and after and tried to figure why it had happened so suddenly, and he’d come up with a few different ideas and accepted them all.

He shut the door as quietly as he could behind him, and turned the locks and flicked off the porch light before turning around. Bono was looking at the light switch with a peculiar expression on his face and Edge followed his gaze and realized exactly what he must have been thinking, and he hadn’t meant anything by it but he felt a thrill of excitement rush through him all the same. He pushed past it and Bono rubbed at his cheek and glanced around, and he looked so out of place in a room that he’d spent enough time in over the years that Edge actively felt sorry for him. “Do you want a drink? Tea?”

“Oh, I’m alright.” He smiled at Edge briefly and played with the sleeve of his coat for a moment before slipping his arm free. Edge watched him struggle out of the coat until he was bare armed in a black shirt, the same black shirt he’d been wearing at the hotel with the print that Edge just didn’t recognize. Bono folded the coat over his arm gently before stepping forward and flinging it over the back of Adam’s armchair, and he rubbed at the back of his neck like it was bothering him before stepping back and sitting down on the couch. He glanced at the television and frowned, and then looked up at Edge expectantly and Edge figured that maybe he should actually move. He was stuck on Bono’s words though, as simple and easy as they were, and he wanted to ask Bono if he was alright, really, but he knew it would get him nowhere.

 Edge sat down on the couch, at the far end away from Bono, and Bono just looked at him for a long moment before shaking his head and leaning forward. He unlaced his left shoe quickly and slipped out of it, then did the same with his right before sliding his socks off and jamming them together into one shoe. Edge looked at Bono’s bare toes wiggling in the carpet and knew that a decision had been made, knew that Bono was settling on in for the night, and he nearly laughed as Bono kicked his shoes under the coffee table because he knew that it was completely out of his control. He knew though, knew it without even having to think, that even if he did have any say in it he would have been more than tempted to go the exact same way. He looked from Bono’s bare feet up to his mouth, and he balled his fist against his thigh and considered just forgoing the before and jumping straight on in, but there was trepidation there in Bono’s face still, even as he shifted closer until their thighs almost touched.  “Where did you go driving?”

“Here and there.” Bono beamed at Edge and it didn’t reach his eyes, and when Edge didn’t smile back Bono clicked his tongue and looked back towards the muted television. “I tried to get myself a bit lost, but I seem to know this area too well for that.” He chuckled and looked at Edge sidelong. “I ended up back on Vico Road and I thought about going back home, but it was such a nice night for it that I thought I might go for a walk down on Killiney beach. It was really, incredibly fucking cold down there, Edge.”

Edge laughed and nodded, and Bono looked so pleased for only a moment that Edge had to bite his tongue and stop from breaking in quickly with what he really wanted to say. “The ocean looked like ink tonight, The Edge, it really did. You know, I was standing there looking out at the little patch of silver further out and I thought about calling you to come down and try and find the rest of the moon through the clouds.” Bono smiled faintly and looked down at his hands. “I honestly think I could have stayed there all night listening to the waves. It was a great way to push out all this static going on up here.” He gestured towards his head and let his hand fall back down to his lap and Edge waited for him to continue, but the silence stretched on until Edge felt like he had to say something.

“And then you came here?”

Bono shrugged. “I lost the moon,” he said, and screwed up his face until Edge just had to smile. “The waves sound almost threatening in the dark.”

“I’m sure.”

“I didn’t tell her, you know.” He rubbed at his thigh and Edge watched his hand shift and it was a terrible feeling, the guilt that came alongside his quickening pulse. He didn’t know what Bono was referring to, and it wasn’t a competition, he knew it wasn’t, knew that if it was that Ali would always win and he was fine with it. He was completely fine, and yet he couldn’t fight the quiet thrill that rushed through him at the thought of him being privy to something Ali didn’t know. It was terrible, it was completely terrible and he hoped that it didn’t show on his face, hoped that Bono would never ask, because he knew that it was how things started. He twisted his hand in his shirt and fought it back, and when Bono started up again he almost jumped. “I didn’t tell her that I was leaving.”

Edge felt his stomach turn and he felt that same leap of his chest all the same, and it was too familiar and yet he couldn’t help himself. “Leaving?”

“To go driving,” Bono said quickly, and Edge shook his head and felt like a fool. “Not – Edge, I don’t-” He cut himself off with a sigh that turned into an aggravated groan, and he tilted his head back and scrubbed at his face. “I could barely tell her about last night. I kept going to, because I thought I should, but it didn’t feel right. But she only asked once, Edge and then it was like nothing had happened.” He shook his head and toed at his shoe under the coffee table, and he looked stricken and anxious and Edge felt like he was about to come out of his skin. “I’ve not been a good husband to her lately.”

“That’s not true,” Edge said quickly, and Bono looked at him with a wry smile that cut straight through him.

“I was always going to end up here, I think.”

Edge felt torn, completely torn, and he could quite clearly picture Ali’s voice in his ear as she hugged him so tight like she was determined to squeeze away all of his aches and downfalls, and he didn’t know how he could think like he was, didn’t know how he could look away from Bono and make it work, and he glanced down at Bono’s shoes and knew that they were both in serious trouble. He had to push it all aside, he couldn’t help it, and he listened to Bono’s harsh breathing and matched it as his head filled with other ideas, different ways that they might end up, and he felt the heat start to pool low in his belly and he had to stop himself from expressing his giddiness in the only way he could think. “It was never just purely physical,” Bono said lowly.

“I know.”

“Did you? When I said it the other day?”

“No. I only just – I realized last night, I think.” Edge licked his lips and glanced at Bono, and found him staring back with his mouth pressed tight and his brow furrowed, and Edge wasn’t sure if he should say any more and make it worse, or if it would even make it better.

“You still thought to ask though,” Bono said quietly, and that was it for Edge. He surged forward and caught himself just in time, and he waited for Bono to pull back or lean forward, and he watched as Bono’s eyes flickered back and forth across his face. It was agonizing, and it was likely only a couple of seconds and yet the pause seemed to go on and on, and when Bono gave a slight nod Edge closed the gap between them without a second thought. He kept it gentle, a simple press of the lips and it was maddening, but Edge knew, and he gripped his own thigh and pulled back enough to wet his dry lips before leaning back in. It was a softer slide and he gave in immediately and reached out and cupped Bono’s neck, and Edge turned his head slight and heard the soft noise that came from the back of Bono’s throat. He wanted to stop and explain to Bono exactly why and how, he wanted to push him back against the couch and touch him everywhere, and he caught Bono’s lower lip gently and heard the moan. It made him want to lose his mind. He didn’t want to stop; he was scared that if they stopped they’d both find the reason why they shouldn’t continue, and he felt Bono’s hand slide up his thigh.  Edge’s chest tightened and he felt Bono’s mouth slacken against his own and his fingertips dig in, and it was too much too soon and he had to pull away. Edge felt like he couldn’t quite get enough air in, and he thought it completely ridiculous. A simple kiss, and it wasn’t even close to their first, and yet he could barely think past the noise in his head and he felt Bono’s breath hot and so close against his lips, and Edge made out the faint smell of spearmint. It was the gum Bono favoured and he must have spat it out before driving in, and it was completely unfair that Bono had thought of something like that when Edge was left unprepared and feeling less than fresh.

Edge drew in another breath and opened his eyes, and he found Bono still so close to him that Edge nearly went cross-eyed. Bono still had his eyes closed, still had his lips parted and his brow furrowed, and Edge sat back slightly and pulled his hand from Bono’s neck and felt immediately calmer for it, and he looked at the line of Bono’s jaw and the dark lashes that shifted against his skin. It was a sight that he’d seen a thousand times before, probably more, and yet it struck Edge completely and utterly and when Bono opened his eyes and looked at him, Edge was sure that he was fucked.

They sat there looking at each other and Edge tried to think of something to say to break the tension. He took in the way Bono’s chest was heaving and felt fingers shifting against his thigh, and Edge couldn’t think of a single thing to say. He looked down at Bono’s hand against his jeans as the silence stretched on, and he wanted so badly for it to keep on moving. He heard Bono suck in a breath and he knew, and when Edge looked back up he was sure he was ready for it.

Bono leaned in and they were kissing; hard and clumsy and when their teeth bumped together roughly Edge had to pull back, only for a second to right himself and Bono let out a groan, one that was borne out of pure frustration and Edge wasn’t ready. He opened his mouth and fisted a handful of soft hair and pulled Bono closer and it wasn’t enough, he couldn’t get close enough, and when Bono’s tongue slid against his and he let out that same groan, Edge thought that he might choke.

He let himself be pushed back against the arm of the couch, and he turned his body and pulled his legs a little and Bono held him there and kissed his jaw, kissed his lips and breathed hotly against his mouth. He was clutching at Edge’s shirt and pulling him closer, and Edge pressed up against him and felt desperate, felt completely unhinged, and he felt the wet slide up his neck and the breath in his ear and the hand moving lower. Edge knew he was moaning too loud; he knew he couldn’t stop, and he gripped at Bono’s arse and felt for Bono’s hair again and tried for it, but Bono was sliding down and away from his hand. He felt lost for only a second, and then Bono was straddling his hips and looking at him with a smile that Edge hadn’t expected to see that night. It was fleeting and Edge missed it when it was gone. He rocked his hips up and Bono’s head fell back, and Edge wanted to lean up and lick at the exposed line of his neck. He wanted to touch him everywhere. Bono shoved at his shoulders and held him there and Edge saw a flash of blue before Bono kissed him and then Edge couldn’t think of anything else. He grabbed at Bono’s waist and a hand pushed his arm down, and he saw the grin before Bono moved away, and it left Edge a feeling that rushed through him and settled deep and hot in his belly. He knew exactly who was in control, and he tried his luck again and Bono allowed it, and Edge breathed heavily and saw the look in Bono’s eyes, and he slid his hand and Bono just stopped as Edge began to fumble with his belt.

Edge’s hand was unsteady and it took him two tries too many to unbuckle Bono’s belt, and he heard the sigh and looked up and found Bono looking flushed and bright eyed, and he had the button popped and the zip undone as quick as he could and Bono shoved his hand away. Edge wanted to scream, wanted to surge up and push him until they were both on the floor and he could call the shots, and he felt fingers slide under his shirt and lips at his neck, and he slammed his head back against the arm of the couch and let out a moan. He couldn’t control it, and when Bono began to suck just above his collarbone Edge knew that he couldn’t control himself and he knew he was making too much noise and he didn’t care; he couldn’t give two shits about if Adam heard them, and he cut himself short with a laugh when Bono’s hand came up and covered his mouth. Edge felt the huff of breath against his neck and Bono must have known it wouldn’t hold, and Edge turned his head slight until his mouth was uncovered and the tip of Bono’s middle finger was pressed against his lower lip. Edge had to, he couldn’t help himself, and he sucked at the tip and tasted nicotine and then it was gone and Bono’s mouth along with it.

Edge felt dizzy, he wasn’t ready for it to be over and Bono wasn’t moving, was just lying there with his head on Edge’s chest and his hand at his shoulder. Edge could feel his chest move with each rushed breath and he could feel his cock pressing hard against Edge’s thigh, and Edge felt like his heart was going to kick over and he had to keep them going. He leaned in until dark hair tickled his nose, and he pressed his lips against Bono’s head and took in the quiet noise he made that sounded like pure contentment, and Edge was certain that it couldn’t be the end of it. His hands found the small of Bono’s back and he waited for the no to come, and he was met with silence and it was enough to prompt him forward. Edge slid his hands down until he hit the band of Bono’s underwear, and he wondered on the brand and slipped his fingertips under and kept on sliding. Bono’s jeans were loose around his waist and Edge pushed them down with his underwear, pushed it all over the swell of his arse and he heard the sharp intake of breath and it was everything to Edge. He dug his fingers into Bono’s arse and squeezed and parted, and Bono’s hand tightened against his shoulder.

“Edge,” Bono whispered. Edge didn’t respond. He felt Bono’s breath against his neck and it left him wanting more, and he slipped his hand inward and parted and fumbled for where he wanted to be, and Bono choked out a moan that nearly brought Edge to ruin. Bono’s hand left his shoulder and Edge watched it travel down and find the waist of his jeans, and he lifted his hips slight from Edge’s and pushed until his cock was free. “Edge.”

There was a desperate tilt to his voice, and Edge couldn’t remember ever wanting to fuck someone so badly. He went to tell Bono just that, and the words caught in his throat and he shook his head and felt Bono’s hips shift and heard his moan, and he swallowed tight and pressed the tip of his finger to Bono’s hole and felt the shudder. “Fuck,” he said, and his voice sounded huge in the quiet of the room. “Can you-”

“Not here,” Bono rushed out. “Edge-”

“What?”

Bono shook his head and reached back a hand to slap at Edge’s arm, and Edge was lost. He didn’t want to lose the weight against him, didn’t want to lose the warmth at his fingertips, and he grabbed at Bono’s shirt with his free hand but it was no use. Bono slid off him with as much grace as he could muster, his knee hitting the floor with a thud and his hand following, and Edge flexed his fingers and stared down at Bono as his skin cooled and the air became thinner. He looked at the white of Bono’s arse and the curve of his cock until Bono gripped at his belt and started to right himself, and it felt wrong and completely unfair and Edge felt the surge in his chest and he wanted to throw a tantrum that was more expected from the person he was staring at than himself. He sat up too quickly and blinked away the spots that came with the rush, and he planted his feet against the carpet and Bono looked up at him and smiled, and it all slipped away. “Bono?”

“Come on.”

It was hard to get off the couch, hard to follow Bono and not do anything about it, and he watched Bono’s arse as they went, his jeans sagging and being held up by the loose grip of Bono’s hand against his belt. Calvin’s. He was wearing Calvin’s again. Edge could picture them on the floor of his bedroom as clearly as he could picture the look in Bono’s eye. He stepped through the door after Bono and felt for the lightswitch and blinked at the light that filled the room. He found Bono watching him with that look in his eye that Edge had only just learned to know, the look that made his insides turn and his cock twitch, and he only just managed to get the door closed before he was being pressed up against it. Bono’s hands came up and his jeans hit the ground with a rustle, and Edge stopped himself from glancing down as Bono kicked them away and focused on fingers brushing his cheek, the palm against his neck and the curve of Bono’s lips. He smiled back and knew it was shaky at best, and his fingers found the hem of Bono’s shirt and stayed there, rubbing and pulling even as Bono leaned forward and kissed him.

It was different already, softer and sweeter until it turned with a nip of teeth and a push at Edge’s shoulder, and Edge thumped his head back against the door and closed his eyes tight as Bono’s mouth shifted. His lips found the shell of Edge’s ear and then his teeth, and he sucked and nipped and Edge grasped for the door handle to steady himself. He groaned and felt Bono’s mouth turn against his skin, and he slid his hand underneath Bono’s shirt and felt the damp up and down his spine, and he felt the tip of Bono’s tongue at his ear and nearly whimpered. He opened his mouth and the words didn’t come, and he felt Bono grind up against him and it was enough. “Fuck, I love you.”

The words rushed out of him before he even knew they were there. It was the last thing he was meant to say, and he felt his stomach tighten and when Bono just stopped stock still against him Edge was sure that he’d fucked up. He felt the breath against his ear coming out too quickly, and Edge clamoured for something to say to fix it and he couldn’t think of a thing; couldn’t find it in himself to regret what he’d said, and his shoulders sagged against the door like he was suddenly free of it all. He breathed deeply and Bono pulled back slow and looked at him with wide eyes, and he had to have known. Edge was sure Bono had to have known, and yet he was looking at Edge in such a way that it was nearly heartbreaking. “Bono,” Edge said, and he wasn’t sure why exactly because he couldn’t find anything to add to it. He ran his fingers back up and down Bono’s spine and felt the slightest of shudder, and then Bono smiled at him and leaned in close.

He pressed his lips against Edge’s and brought his hand up to cup at Edge’s cheek. He didn’t linger and he came up on his toes and kissed Edge’s forehead so gently that Edge had to swallow back the lump in his throat. He waited for Bono to come back down to earth before pulling him close, and he felt dark hair tickle his nose and a hand at the back of his neck, and it was nice; it was easy and it was everything, and he shifted his hips slightly and felt Bono’s erection press hard against him, and it was what Edge needed to push him forward and bring the warmth right on back. Bono slipped from his grasp and gave him a look that was so serious and heated that Edge had to stop himself from speaking his mind again, and he reached back for the hem of Bono’s shirt and didn’t wait for permission. It came up easily and they struggled for only a moment when Bono’s arm got stuck, and it was enough to bring a smile to his face, and Edge tossed the shirt over Bono’s shoulder and didn’t care where it landed. He was more focused on what he’d exposed, and he could see the mark on Bono’s neck better without the shirt and it made him want to lean back in and darken it. He ran a hand across Bono’s stomach and waited for his arm to be slapped away, and when it didn’t happen Edge smiled and brought his hand up into Bono’s hair and kissed him. “Take off your clothes,” Bono murmured against his lips, and Edge didn’t have to be told twice.

He didn’t look at Bono as he slipped his shirt over his head and fumbled with his pants but he knew he was there watching him, knew he’d taken off his Calvin’s and was as naked as anything and Edge had to focus on himself before he could even think to look at that. He managed to step clear of his clothes and Bono’s hand was at his shoulder before he could look up, pushing him towards the bed like Edge needed guidance, and maybe he did. Edge fell back against the mattress and shifted until his head was on the pillow, and he let himself look then, let himself take in Bono as he kneeled on the bed and crawled forward,  and when Bono swung his leg over and straddled his hips, Edge realized that things were going to go a bit differently than he’d thought. It was fine, it was more than fine, and he brought his arm up and touched Bono’s hip and saw the look in his eye and knew. There would be other chances for it, more times for Edge to hold Bono close and feel him all around, and he thought of what that meant for them all. He thought of Ali, for the briefest of moments, and he had to push it away when Bono came down and kissed his jaw. “Edge.” Bono brushed his fingers down Edge’s side and dragged his hips, and Edge leaned into it with a sigh. “Stop thinking.”

“Alright.”

He tried to do just that, and it came to him easier than he’d thought it would. Bono’s lips curved into a soft smile and Edge couldn’t return it; he didn’t know why, and he looked down at where they were pressed so close and felt Bono’s eyes on him, and he brought his hand up and down against Bono’s arse. He slid his fingers inward and got so far before Bono was reaching back and grabbing his wrist, and he felt like he should have seen it coming. He did smile then, when Bono pulled his hand away and brought it down, back down against the covers, and it was Bono's turn to look serious. He kept his hold against Edge’s wrist and looked back at him, and something told Edge that he shouldn’t even think about bringing his other hand up to play. It was tempting, so tempting and he took in the blue of Bono’s eyes until Bono glanced down towards their hips. He’d told Bono he loved him.

Edge swallowed tight and wriggled his fingers, and Bono’s grip stayed. He felt hot against Edge’s skin and Edge didn’t quite know what was happening, and he felt Bono’s free hand slide down his side, so slowly that it almost tickled. Bono’s hips came up and his gaze returned to Edge’s face, and Edge had to look away, had to look down at Bono’s hand against his own cock. Bono held himself and shifted his hips, and the first brush of his cock against Edge’s was enough to make Edge stop breathing. It lasted only a moment and then the air was rushing from his lungs, and he moaned and shook his head and Bono dragged his hips just so. “Oh fuck,” Edge breathed, and Bono let go of his wrist. He didn’t move his arm, not until Bono pulled his hips again, so close and tight against him that Edge wanted to lose his mind. Bono closed his eyes and frowned like it took all of his concentration, and his mouth fell open at the next slide, and it came wet and heavy and his hair fell down in tangles around his face. He looked gone and Edge wanted to tell him again, wanted to keep at it and he felt the drag and heard the moan and it was too much for him to handle and he wanted more. He brought his hand down and grabbed at Bono’s arse, pulling him closer still, and Bono choked out a breath and pulled back.

It was over too soon and Edge found himself swearing and tilting his hips, trying to chase the feeling and he saw Bono shake his head and he felt so fucking frustrated, and then Bono pressed his lips to his cheek. “Shhh,” Bono let out gently, and it only made Edge feel wilder. He bucked and felt Bono’s teeth glance against his cheek, and he couldn’t believe Bono was smiling. He gripped at Bono’s shoulder before he could figure where he was going with it, and Bono kissed him light on the mouth and started to slide down Edge’s body. He felt Bono’s cock drag against his thigh, felt his fingertips brush featherlight against his ribs, and his mouth found Edge’s nipple. He sucked lightly and Edge sighed, and he flicked his tongue and turned his head and breathed, and it was only when Bono started sliding further down did Edge realize what he was going to do.

“Oh fuck,” he said, and it was louder than he’d meant to. He didn’t care and he pictured it in his mind instantly, the image of Bono with his mouth on him, and his cock twitched and he dug his fingers into Bono’s shoulder and squeezed, too tight he was sure. He heard Bono’s chuckle and he felt like he could choke on it, and he jerked when Bono’s fingers brushed his thigh and felt stupid for it. He couldn’t help himself, couldn’t get the image out of his mind and he looked down and saw dark hair at his belly and felt Bono’s mouth by his hip and he wanted to cry, wanted to shout and tell everyone what was happening inside his bedroom so they could come and see how fucking lucky he was. Bono’s fingers tiptoed across his thigh and his tongue came out hot and wet against Edge’s navel, and Edge tensed against it and readied himself for what was about to come. He could see it so clearly in his mind, and when Bono’s fingers closed around his cock Edge found he wasn’t ready for it in the least.

 


	16. Closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually cannot believe this is done, and I feel so happy and so sad at the same time. Thank you all for your patience and your words and for sticking by this fic even when it took me so long to update. I love you all. Chapter title is inspired by a song of the same name that I kept thinking of whilst writing this chapter, and I suppose it could also be a nod to a certain someone's fic from the olden days. Love.

There was something about another person’s mouth, something about the heat and the wetness and the expression of their face and the circle of their lips that Edge had never been able to get used to. He’d never been good at receiving, not when he’d been pushed up against a dirty wall behind the pub or crowded in a stall of the female toilets or backstage knowing that at any moment one of the other three could walk in and catch them. It was too much for him, looking down and being able to see his cock sliding in and out of shiny lips, too much to see his fingers buried in hair and eyes looking up at him and watering when he went too deep. Edge never lasted long, not even in the comfort of his own bedroom, and he was sure he was in trouble again, sure that it was going to be over in no time, because he’d seen Bono’s mouth take so many different shapes on stage and off stage and he’d felt his lips elsewhere and it was enough, and Edge thought that he might start crying when Bono’s palm slid down against his cock. Edge wasn’t going to handle it and he felt sorry for it, so sorry that he wanted to tell Bono and explain his situation, and he opened his mouth and could only manage a groan that felt like it was coming from the very pit of his chest.

“Alright Edge?” Bono’s voice was soft but knowing, and Edge barely heard him over the noise in his head. He thought it through and stopped thinking completely when Bono’s hand moved again, so slow it was almost torture, and he heard the chuckle and pulled himself up on his elbows because he just had to see, even if it did ruin him. He caught Bono’s eye and saw the smile there, and it was so wicked that Edge knew he wouldn’t be able to return it even if he wanted to. Bono kept on looking at him even as he moved his hand again, quicker this time but still not enough, and when he kept going Edge felt so grateful that he nearly leaned forward to pull Bono up to him. He couldn’t though, couldn’t do anything but watch the shift of Bono’s hand, and it rolled through him in gentle waves and spiked in his belly, in his chest and caught in his throat, and Edge shut his eyes and tried to keep himself settled.

It didn’t work, he knew it wouldn’t, and he felt Bono’s breath against his thigh and Bono’s hand against his cock, and he caught himself quick before he started to make a lot of noise. It was hard, and he heard Bono laugh again. “Feels good, Edge.” It was teasing and it wasn’t a question, and Edge opened his eyes and blinked down, but Bono wasn’t looking back up at him. He was focused Edge’s cock, his eyes following the move of his hand up and down and there was a small smile on his face and Edge couldn’t stop himself. He jerked his hips against Bono’s grip and felt the satisfaction of a simple move run through him, he saw the look on Bono’s face and wanted to do it again, and he swallowed hard and felt Bono’s breath against his cock, and when Bono’s hand stopped moving Edge let out a moan that kept on until after Bono licked his lips and looked back up at him. “Edge?” He knew what was coming, he could see it so perfectly in his mind, in the look in Bono’s eyes and the way his lips parted, and he wasn’t ready for it and it was all he wanted. “Edge.”

Edge shook his head, and it was hard to respond when Bono’s hand was where it was. “What is it?” He had to shake his head again at the way his voice came out, all wobbly and desperate and frustrated, and it was exactly how he felt. He took a breath and tried to steady himself, and when it didn’t work he gave up and shifted his hips against Bono’s still hand. He watched Bono’s expression change slightly, saw the amusement settle in between everything else, and it made Edge smile until Bono pulled his hand away. Edge wanted to swear and kick and scream, and he clenched his hand against the bed and waited patiently for whatever it was that Bono thought was so fucking important. “What?” he snapped after an age, and Bono smiled at him sheepishly.

“I don’t really know what I’m doing,” he admitted quietly, and Edge felt all his frustration seep away. It left him with an ache in his chest, and he sat up slowly and reached out a hand. Bono’s shoulder tensed under his palm, and he leaned his head until his cheek was pressed against Edge’s thigh.

“You don’t have to do this.”

“I know,” Bono said. “But God I want to.”

His smile said it all, and Edge had to stop himself from saying anything, because he knew that if he started he wasn’t going to be able to stop, and he’d was sure he’d say things that better belonged at the end of a Mills & Boon novel. He'd done enough of that already that night.

He found himself just smiling back, and Edge didn’t care if they stayed like that for the rest of the night. It was almost sweet, the look on Bono’s face, and it took away some of the burn and quickened the beat in his chest, and he felt calmer and shaken by it, and when Bono turned his head and pressed his lips to the inside of Edge’s thigh Edge didn’t know what to think. He shut his eyes tight and felt the warmth and the wetness against his skin, and he felt Bono’s hands snake around his hips until his fingertips could dig in tight against his arse. He felt Bono’s hair against his skin and his lips again and then his breath, hot and heavy and shifting along his thigh, and Edge forced open his eyes and caught Bono looking up at him. His eyes were bright and he smiled at Edge with his bottom lip between his teeth, looking like he might have when they were young and had no idea what they were getting themselves into. It completely blanked Edge’s mind, and he felt Bono’s fingers tighten and drag back over his thighs, and he saw Bono lick his lips and lean in close until Edge could feel the warmth of his breath against his cock and hear the static start up in his head. He almost couldn’t believe it was happening and he knew his mouth was hanging open, knew that noise was leaving him freely, and when Bono’s fingers closed around the base of his cock he jerked up against the touch.

Bono’s mouth turned slightly and he looked up at Edge, his eyes so wide that it left Edge feeling warm, too warm and completely lecherous, and when Bono’s lips brushed against the head of his cock, Edge thought that he wasn’t going to make it. He held his breath and swallowed harshly and Bono kissed him again, so sweetly that it almost felt inappropriate, and he kept his eyes on Edge’s as he opened his mouth and ran his tongue over the slit of Edge’s cock, tasting the wetness there. He pulled away slightly, a frown on his face as he ran his tongue over his lips and swallowed, and Edge thought that it might be over, thought that he’d have to settle for less and he thought about pushing Bono against the mattress and fucking him so hard that he’d never want to leave, and he choked out a cry when Bono leaned back in and parted his lips.

Edge couldn’t tear his eyes away and he gaped at the sight of Bono’s mouth around the head of his cock, at the heat and the wetness and he nearly started to shake. He could feel Bono’s tongue pressed flat against him and he groaned when Bono opened his mouth wider and took more of him in. The frown was still there and Edge wasn’t sure if it was because of this or that and he worried that Bono was uncomfortable and the thought turned him on more than he wished it to. “Shit,” he gasped and Bono’s eyes flickered back up to his face, and Edge shook his head and bit his lip and focused on where Bono’s mouth was. It was too much to have Bono looking at him like that, and his arse clenched and he couldn’t believe it; couldn’t stop himself from grabbing at his chest with one hand and gripping at Bono’s hair with the other, and he rolled his nipple between thumb and finger and rolled his neck until he was looking at the white of the ceiling. Bono’s hand slid up and his mouth down and Edge grunted and jerked and caught sight of Bono’s free arm shifting lower between his own legs. It took Edge a moment to catch on to what Bono was doing, and Bono moaned and rolled his tongue and Edge realized, and he gripped Bono’s hair tight and slammed his hips upward. He felt Bono gag hard and heard it and then it all was gone, the heat of his mouth and the tightness of his hand and Bono was leaning off to the side, his hair in his face and his hand against his lips.

Edge froze, his stomach twisting wildly and he stared at the hunch of Bono’s shoulders and pulled himself together as quick as he could. “Shit, Bono.” He reached for Bono and stopped when Bono’s hand came up, and he felt terrible, so fucking guilty that he wanted to slap Bono’s hand away and pull him close, and he knew it would never work.  Edge brought his hand back down against his thigh and listened to Bono swallow and breathe; deep, unsteady breaths that slowly evened out and turned to something close to normal. Bono dropped his hand back down against the bed and Edge reached out immediately, touching his back and sliding up till he could rub at the knot at the base of Bono’s neck. Bono leaned back into his hand and Edge felt immediately calmer for it, and when Bono swallowed again Edge had to lean in close. He kissed Bono’s shoulder and smiled when Bono chuckled. “I’m so sorry,” he murmured, and Bono shook his head.

“It’s alright.”

“It’s not. I shouldn’t-”

“Edge.” Bono shoved his hair out of the way and looked at Edge, and there were tear streaks on his cheeks that left Edge feeling a little bit panicked. Bono was smiling though, his lips shiny and pink and Edge couldn’t look away. Bono’s gaze went up and down Edge’s body before landing on his face, and he leaned in and pressed his lips high up against Edge’s cheekbone. He turned his head and kissed his mouth, so lightly Edge almost didn’t feel it, and Bono smiled and gripped his shoulder. “Come on.”

“What?”

“Down you go,” Bono said, and shoved at his shoulder. Edge looked back at the streaks on Bono’s cheeks and he fell back slowly and caught Bono’s smile, and his head met the pillow and he swallowed harsh and shifted up high to where he could see properly.  Bono pressed his palm flat against Edge’s stomach and Edge jerked, and Bono grinned and started to slide his hand down lower until his fingers were buried in dark hair. Edge couldn’t quite believe that Bono was going back for it, couldn’t quite get the sound that Bono had made out of his head, and he hated that he’d caused it and hated how the thought of it made his stomach tighten and his cock twitch.

“Bono-”

“Shhh.” There was that smile again, and Edge knew he was useless against it. He nodded dumbly and watched as Bono shifted closer, and he sucked in a breath when Bono’s fingers closed back around his cock. He kept his hand still and his face turned serious as he stared back at Edge, and he licked at his lip and dropped his other hand and wrapped his fingers around his own cock, and Edge’s moan caught in his throat as Bono started to shift both his hands. “I wish you could see yourself,” Bono said quietly, and Edge shook his head and closed his eyes so tight that he saw spots immediately. He couldn’t handle it, couldn’t look at Bono and keep it together, and when Bono twisted his hand and quickened his grip Edge nearly started to sob. He dug his heels into the bed and touched his chest and dragged his hand, and he could feel the prickle up and down his skin and it had come back quick and he wanted to touch himself everywhere and push Bono away because it was too much, too soon. He felt Bono’s breath back where he wanted it and his legs fell further apart and he whined, he was almost sure of it. It came straight from his chest and he couldn’t stop himself, and Bono mouthed wetly at the underside of his cock. Edge could hear Bono’s moan and feel it against him, and he felt the slide of Bono’s tongue run up his length and Edge’s thighs quivered and his stomach tensed and knew he wasn’t going to make it.

His hand found Bono’s hair and he gripped too tight and he couldn’t bring himself to care, couldn’t focus on anything but Bono’s mouth, and when Bono’s lips closed back around the head of his cock Edge jerked his hips and heard Bono choke and felt it around him. Edge opened his eyes and felt Bono’s tongue and saw his cheeks hollow, and his mouth fell open. Edge said something, he was almost sure of it, and he gripped tighter at soft hair and felt it in his toes at first. It rolled through him too fast and white hot, and Edge jerked and cried out and he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe and it was too much and his chest was too tight, and his mind blanked out and he came back quick and heard himself, and he fell back against the pillows with a gasp. He felt clammy and shaky like all his nerves were firing, and he felt the wet heat against his cock and he shook and pushed Bono away without a second thought. Edge closed his eyes and tried to find some calm in the midst of it all, and he listened to Bono’s harsh breathing and knew it wouldn’t work. He opened his eyes and lifted his head, and he groaned at the sight that greeted him.

Bono’s cheeks were flushed and he was breathing quickly, and Edge glanced at the damp tangle of his hair against his forehead before looking back at his mouth. It wasn’t the redness of the lips that got to him, it was the shine of them and the streak of come at the corner of his mouth, and Edge knew that he’d be seeing it in his mind for years to come. Edge licked his lips and continued to stare as Bono’s breathing calmed down, and he’d swallowed nearly it all. Edge couldn’t believe it, and when Bono smiled at him Edge wondered if he was dreaming. “You alright?” he asked. He felt a little stupid as soon as the words left his mouth, and he rubbed at his face and it didn’t help. He’d lost half his brain cells in one go, Edge was almost sure of it, and he couldn’t find it in himself to care. “Bono?”

Bono just nodded and he brought a hand up and wiped at his mouth, and Edge felt dirty for watching and he didn’t know why. He dragged his eyes down Bono’s body and stared at his cock, hard and pink against his thigh, and then Bono was crawling up the bed. He stretched out next to Edge, and he sighed and kept his gaze on the ceiling. “Was that alright?”

Edge laughed, surprised at the question. “Jesus, what do you think?”

Bono just smiled, and Edge kept on looking. He felt the urge to slide down Bono’s body and find out what it was like, and he wanted to see his face and feel him underneath his fingers, to touch him everywhere, and he wanted to stay still and let his body sink further into the mattress. Edge felt heavy in his skin and he watched Bono’s fingers skim through the dark hair under his bellybutton and knew he had to do something about it, and the fingers went back on up and Bono breathed deeply and closed his eyes. He looked loose and calm from the waist up, but Edge saw him swallow, saw his jaw tighten and his fingers curl, and Edge looked at Bono's mouth and stayed there. He could still almost feel it.

Bono jerked at the touch of Edge’s hand against his chest, and he rolled his head towards Edge and didn’t open his eyes. He smiled slightly though, and Edge leaned in close and pressed his lips against the line of Bono’s jaw, against his neck, his chest until he heard it; a tiny noise that started from the back of Bono’s throat and turned into something deeper and longer. Edge pushed himself up onto his elbow and just looked at Bono, and he almost couldn’t believe it, even after it all. “Bono?” He didn’t have anything else to say, and he hated the way his voice had come out; timid and strained, and he wasn’t even sure why.

“Edge?” Bono said, his tone mirroring Edge’s almost perfectly and Edge chuckled and saw Bono’s mouth twitch and his eyelashes flutter, and then Bono was looking at him in a way that was completely unlike the smile on his face. “What is it?”

Edge didn’t know really, and he paused and thought it through and opened his mouth and nearly let the words tumble on out. He caught himself just in time and shifted his hand down until he felt Bono’s stomach tense under his palm, and he found Bono looking so serious that he just had to ask. “What did it taste like?”

“What did – oh!” Bono licked his lips, and Edge wasn’t sure whether it was by impulse or in remembrance, and he furrowed his brow and went quiet as he considered the question. It didn’t take him long, and he raised an eyebrow and flashed his teeth in a quick smile. “Well, I wouldn’t have it on toast.”

Edge wasn’t sure what answer he’d been expecting really, but it hadn’t been that. He shook his head and laughed until his cheeks started to warm and his eyes watered, and the way Bono just smiled at him made him not want to stop. He calmed down eventually and brought his hand up to wipe at his eyes, and he blinked away the dark spots and found Bono’s smile had disappeared.  He was watching Edge intently, his eyes fixed in such a way that Edge felt like he was under a microscope. It was a look that Bono had given him before, a look that he was sure he’d see again in time, but Edge couldn’t remember it ever being so close before. He was used to vivid blue eyes under the hot glare of the stage lights, and it made everything else just slip away. He smiled at Bono and didn’t expect one in return, and he dropped his hand back against Bono’s skin, lower than before, and he didn’t linger.

Edge watched Bono’s face for the change as he skimmed through thick hair and brushed his cock, and it came in the slightest of twitches and it wasn’t nearly enough. He fisted his hand loose and moved it slow, back and forth, tightening and relaxing until Bono drew his lip between his teeth. He didn’t say anything, didn’t break his gaze, and Edge was almost glad for it. He felt the urge to say something, to tell Bono how he looked, how he felt in Edge’s hand, and he pushed himself further up on his elbow and firmed his grip on Bono’s cock.  He could feel the heat, feel the twitch against his fingers, and he couldn’t drag his eyes away from Bono’s face to look down at what he was doing. He could feel Bono’s breath on his chin coming out in short bursts from his nose, and he heard Bono swallow like it was a struggle, and Edge looked to his neck, looked at the mark he’d left there and he wet his lips and leaned in.

Bono’s skin was hot against his mouth, and he tasted like sweat and the remnants of the expensive moisturiser Edge knew he used and pretended like he didn’t. He kissed Bono’s neck and licked at the mark and he wanted to draw the skin in until Bono had to push him away. It slipped away and Edge kissed him again and thumbed at the tip of Bono’s cock until he heard the moan and felt it against his mouth. He pulled away and kissed Bono’s shoulder, kissed his chest and twisted his wrist, and he heard the moan again and looked down at his hand working quick and took in the way Bono’s stomach was tensing, and he heard the shaky exhale and knew that Bono was still staring at him.

Edge wanted to hear him, wanted to hear what his voice sounded like when he was so close, and he slowed his hand slight and squeezed with just enough pressure to catch Bono’s breath in his throat. “Did it turn you on?” Edge asked quietly, though he was sure he already knew the answer. “Sucking me off?”

“Yes,” Bono breathed, and it cut through Edge in a way that he hadn’t expected. He swallowed against the lurch in his chest and watched Bono’s thighs tense and his feet roll, and he tore his eyes away and found Bono’s face so open that he almost had to avert his eyes. He didn’t though, just looked at Bono staring back at him and saw the sweat beading above his lip and he nearly leaned in to taste it, nearly leaned in to kiss Bono high up on his cheek where the skin was so pink. Edge licked his lips and turned his grasp and quickened his hand, and Bono’s lips parted and his hips jerked up. Edge felt the pulse in his palm and tried to take it all in, the feel of it against him and the look on Bono’s face; the way he squeezed his eyes shut so tightly and how his mouth fell open like he couldn’t get enough air in. Bono let out a shaky gasp and jerked forward, and Edge felt the wet heat against his fingers and it felt so real and so familiar that Edge almost couldn’t breathe. He watched Bono’s face change and felt his breath against his cheek, coming out so quickly that Edge nearly started to worry, and Edge kept his hand moving against Bono’s cock until fingers gripped his wrist tight and stilled it.

“God,” Edge choked out, because he knew one of them had to say it. He pushed his tongue against his bottom lip and felt Bono’s fingers tighten against his wrist quickly before disappearing, and when he opened his eyes Edge thought for a moment that Bono was going to cry. It passed quickly and yet Edge couldn’t get the look from his mind, couldn’t look away and rid himself of the thickness in his throat, and he wiped his hand against the bed and knew he’d regret it come morning and he watched as the lines on Bono’s face smoothed out and his breath slowed right on down. Edge wanted to kiss him, wanted to grab his shoulder and push him back so badly that he felt it against his ribcage, and when Bono sat up and away from him Edge nearly yelled. He frowned at the curve of Bono’s back and saw his arms come up, and Bono rubbed at his face and ran his hands through his hair and sighed. “What is it?”

Bono’s back shook as he laughed, and Edge didn’t believe it for a second. “It’s fine, Edge.”

Edge didn’t believe his words either, and he looked down at the bed and traced a circle into the material with his finger, feeling a little unsure. He knew why, he was sure of it, and yet he couldn’t stop the other thoughts from running in. He’d seen the look on Bono’s face though, and he glanced up quickly when he heard feet hit the ground.

Bono smiled at him gently and shrugged his shoulders in a casual way that didn’t match his expression, and he gestured aimlessly at his side and let out another sigh. “I just need the toilet,” he said, and Edge was completely dumbstruck by how quickly it had all changed.

Edge watched him head towards the door, and Bono didn’t look back at him as he went. Edge wanted to say something but he wasn’t sure what, and Bono pulled open the door and walked out the room like he wasn’t completely naked, like he was in his own house and leaving his own bedroom, and it was so unlike how he’d been when he’d first walked in the house that it made Edge feel a bit more in his own skin. He settled down into his pillow and looked at the open door until he couldn’t hear Bono’s footsteps any longer, and he turned his gaze to where Bono had been not two minutes before. He could see the indent in the bed and the wrinkles in the pillow, and he was quite certain that if he leaned in close he’d be able to smell Bono in the material. It felt a little bit mad, a little bit desperate, and Edge rolled onto his back and tried to think of other things, tried to distract himself completely. He thought of Brando and didn’t stay there, and he thought of song lyrics and chords and he looked back at Bono’s pillow and drew in a deep breath that didn’t calm him in the least; the air felt heavy and he could smell them both, smell the sweat and the aftermath.

He couldn’t stop himself from picturing the look that had been in Bono’s eyes, the way he’d stared at Edge like he couldn’t tear himself away. It was liberating and overwhelming, and Edge closed his eyes tight and pressed his fingertips to his temple, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh or slam his head back against the pillow. He knew that look in Bono’s eyes, he was so certain of it that he didn’t need Bono to say the words, and he wanted to hate himself for the feeling that it left him, but he just couldn’t. It wasn’t quite a feeling he could remember ever experiencing so quickly and on such a level before, and he wondered what that said about his marriage. He tried to think back early on and it didn’t come to him,and he fell back to thoughts of Bono's mouth and he heard footsteps approaching and sat up quickly, and when Bono walked through the door Edge smiled far too brightly, he was sure of it.

Bono raised his eyebrows at him but returned the smile, and it was faint but enough for Edge. He shut the door behind him with a quiet click, and he looked at Edge with his lips pressed into a thin line and his hand on the handle. Edge looked right on back until Bono released the handle and felt for the light switch, and the room fell into darkness. There was no moon outside, nothing to help them but the faint line coming from underneath the door, and Edge realized he’d left the light on in the other room. He knew he should get up and turn it off, and he could see Bono faintly at the end of the bed and hear his fumbling footsteps, and Edge knew that it was a terrible idea. He reached over and felt for the lamp on his side table, and he squinted against the sudden light and blinked it away and glanced back over in time to see Bono drop his hand from his eyes. He looked at Edge again and moved a bit smoother, a bit quicker and the bed was dipping with his weight before Edge could even begin to think how he might continue.

Bono settled back down against the pillow and exhaled like he’d been holding his breath since he left the room, and he lolled his head towards Edge and looked at his face and down and then back up, and he quirked his mouth and sat up quickly.  He leaned forward and reached towards the end of the bed where Edge had kicked the covers down after his aborted nap, and he gripped the material and pulled. The covers came up and over them and Edge started to feel warmer immediately, and he hadn’t realized how cool the room had been until he was shielded from it. He brought his arms up and out from the warmth as Bono settled back down, and he looked at the ceiling and thought about what he could say. He wanted to tell Bono so much and he wanted to ask him if this was it, again if this was just a one chance thing that turned into two, if it would continue, if it would stop, and he knew the answers as the questions came to him and Edge looked down at the first brush of Bono’s fingers against his own. He felt the bed shift as Bono rolled closer and his fingers closed in tight around his, and Edge looked up at Bono’s face and caught the expression there and it made him want to pull Bono closer. He didn’t though, just looked back down at their hands as Bono’s thumb began to move slowly, back and forth over the top of his fingers. "Did you mean it?" Bono asked quietly.

It took Edge a second to figure out what Bono was asking, and he didn't have to think twice about the answer. "Yes."

Bono nodded, and he watched his thumb move against Edge's fingers for a moment longer before pulling their hands close to his mouth.

Bono’s lips were soft against his skin, and they brushed so gently against his knuckles that it almost tickled. Edge felt Bono’s breath warm against his hand, and it brought him straight back to only a few nights before, and he closed his eyes as Bono turned his hand and kissed his palm. It had only been a few nights, and so much had happened since. It felt like weeks had passed, and Edge opened his eyes to find Bono looking at him like Edge had hoped he would. He felt the press of lips again against his palm, and then Bono lowered his gaze. His grip fell slack against Edge’s hand and Edge let it linger in the air for a moment before settling it back down against the bed, and he pursed his lips and watched Bono’s brow furrow. It made Edge want to roll in and pull him close, made Edge want to kiss him till they both felt completely stupid, and he went to reach out a hand and stopped himself before he could make a move. It didn’t feel right, not with the way Bono was looking. “Do you want me to turn off the light?” he asked.

“Go for it.”

Edge frowned at Bono’s tone but rolled over and turned off the light before he could over think it. The room fell dark again and Edge looked at the sliver of light under the door and thought about getting up, and he shook his head and rolled back towards Bono. He couldn’t make him out well and he shifted in closer until he felt Bono’s breath against his lips, and he smelled minty and fresh. “Did you use my toothbrush?”

“I did. Yours is the red one, right?”

Edge grinned. “No, mine is blue.”

“Oh.” Bono chuckled lightly. “Oops.”

Edge shook his head as Bono laughed again, and he felt better for hearing it. The bed shifted and Bono’s hand came down clumsily against his neck before quickly sliding up to his cheek, and Edge felt the warmth of Bono’s breath against his lips and then Bono was kissing him. It gentle and sweet, a simple slide as Bono’s fingertips dug into his cheekbone and he pressed in closer and parted his lips like he was going for more. It was abrupt when Bono pulled back and Edge blinked against the darkness and lifted his hand from the covers, but Bono was rolling away before he could do anything to stop him. “Bono?”

“I’m so fucking tired,” Bono muttered, and Edge didn’t doubt it. He could relate completely, and he’d spent the day wishing he could do something about the heaviness he felt in his limbs. It felt strange to leave it like that, and he wanted to say more but anything could lead them to a long conversation that he was sure neither of them were quite ready for, and Edge shifted closer until he could feel the warmth coming from Bono’s back. He listened to Bono’s steady breaths and wished that he’d roll back over, and he reached out and pressed his palm flat against Bono’s back and smiled at the slight change in Bono’s breathing. “Go to sleep, Edge.”

“Alright,” Edge said, though he wasn’t entirely sure he knew how to anymore. He kept his hand pressed against Bono’s skin until Bono pulled away, and he heard the bed shift and the covers rustle and then he felt Bono’s breath back ghosting over his neck. He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on the feeling and settle his mind, and he rubbed his thumb against his fingers and thought about moving forward, thought about doing a few other things completely.

“Stop thinking so much,” Bono murmured. It took Edge by surprise completely, and he let out a chuckle that he didn’t even know he’d had in him. Somehow, Bono always knew.

“Alright,” he said again, and he was sure that was the end of it. He opened his eyes and got the briefest image of what was right in front of him, and he turned his head further into the pillow and tried to get comfortable. He felt switched on like he was at the backend of a rave, and he squeezed his eyes shut and took in Bono’s breathing and tried to clear his mind, tried to relax into the bed and tried to think to the morning. It felt hopeless and he didn’t know how Bono could do it, didn’t know if he was doing it, and he felt a little bit dumb and his leg jerked and startled him, and he hoped that Bono hadn’t noticed. He wanted to roll away and find a better position, and his shoulder felt odd and Edge listened as Bono let out a quiet sigh and he hoped that he was asleep. He wasn’t snoring, and Edge focused on that and felt a bit straighter, a bit lost and bleary and he jumped here and there and thought of them all out in the sun and how fun it had been, and he could remember the sand under his feet and the roll of the water like no time had passed at all. Pale skin, he could see the pale skin and the dark hair and the waves, and Edge felt like he was floating against the water.

It was bright in the room, too bright for him to open his eyes for more than a second, and Edge couldn’t quite figure out what had happened. He turned into his pillow and groaned and tried to fight against the fog and there were snatches left in his mind that told him he’d slept, that he’d been dreaming, but the harder he thought, the further it all felt until he was left with nothing but the sea and a stretch of pebbles under his feet. He’d not been alone though and he tried to fall back into it, but he felt drowsy and warm and he couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t focus on anything but the press of his bladder and the steady snores at his back. It brought him back to nights of being young and wishing that time would go faster, and mornings where he would hope for a few hours more. He rolled over and dared to open his eyes, and he blinked a few times until it was bearable. He’d left the curtains open, and he could see the leaves peeking into his window, and it looked so sunny out there that he wondered for a moment if he’d dreamed it all and they were still in California.

Bono was sprawled out on his back with his face tilted towards the window and his mouth hanging open, and Edge thought about getting up and finding his camera. He entertained the idea for a while as he watched the rise and fall of Bono’s chest, and he shifted closer until his hand found warm skin. He trailed his fingers up an arm and then down, and he saw Bono’s fingers twitch against his stomach and heard the break in his breathing, but Bono didn’t wake.

It was tempting, so tempting to shift his hand further down under the covers, and he knew if anything was going to wake Bono up that would be it, but Edge couldn’t bring himself to do it. He remembered quick, the feel of Bono's mouth against him and he rubbed at his eye, trying to rid it of the grit and the burn and he was sure it was early, no matter how bright it looked out the window. He closed his eyes again and tried to will himself to fall back asleep, but he could hear the birds through the window, getting louder and louder as each minute passed. They were taking it in turns and he thought of them having a conversation, and he thought of what they might talk about. The press of his bladder was growing more urgent with each passing minute and it was a distraction, it was all such a distraction and he rolled away from Bono and shoved his face into the pillow, but it was no use.

Edge threw the covers back and pulled himself out of bed, and he tripped over his own shoe and caught himself heavily against the wardrobe. He shook his head and had to laugh at himself, and he spotted Bono’s shirt, inside out and dangling from the handle of his underwear drawer.  He stared at it and then glanced around till he found a few more articles of clothing, and he pressed his lips together and looked back at Bono. He’d rolled onto his side and was sounding almost human now, and Edge followed the line of his back until the sheet cut in and paused there for only a moment before pulling open the door.

He spotted the television out the corner of his eye, and Edge took two steps towards the bathroom before he had to turn back. There was a band on the screen that he didn’t recognize, and he watched the singer leap and pose and sing to the camera. Edge smiled and switched the set off, then flicked off the lamp and he caught sight of Bono’s coat and his shoes and socks, all exactly where they’d been left only a few hours before. He thought about collecting them before Adam got up, but it just didn’t seem worth the effort and he took one final look at Bono’s coat before turning and headed back towards the bathroom.

He pissed like he’d spent the night drinking, and he washed his hands and splashed his face with cold water and reached for the hand towel. He dried his hands and then his face, and he dropped the towel into the sink and looked at himself in the mirror. His reflection looked the same as it ever did. Edge wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting to see, but it hadn’t been that. He steadied his hands on the rim of the sink, gripped until his knuckles turned white, and closed his eyes tight. He had that feeling about him, a sense of calm that usually gave way to chaos, and he opened his eyes and looked again, and it was more of the same.

He looked at his lips and remembered, travelled further down to his stomach until he could almost feel it, and he pressed his palm flat under his belly button and drew in a deep breath that ended in shambles. He couldn’t stop the smile that came, or the absolute giddiness that bubbled up through his chest and into his throat, and he shook his head and caught his reflection in the mirror. It was what he’d expected to see there first, and he blinked at himself and leaned in close until his breath started to fog the glass. He saw bloodshot eyes and beyond, and he loosened his hold on the sink and huffed out a breath. It turned into a laugh, and he shook his head and realized he’d left the bathroom door hanging open.

He closed it quietly behind him on the way out and he stopped in the hallway and considered his options before shuffling off to the kitchen. It felt freeing, walking around the house completely nude, and Edge was starting to understand more and more why Adam seemed to enjoy it so much. He pulled the orange juice from the fridge and took a generous mouthful straight from the bottle, and he went to put it back in the door and thought better of it. He poured a tall glass and left the empty bottle sitting on the counter as a reminder, and he took a sip and looked at the clock. It had just gone eight and Edge didn’t know what to think. It felt like it was earlier and it looked like it was later, and he glanced back at the clock once more for confirmation before pushing himself away from the counter.

He kept his footsteps light and pushed open his bedroom door slowly, and shut it louder than he’d meant to. Edge looked to Bono, still facing the window and still breathing soundly, and he dodged the shoes and discarded pants and set the glass on his bedside table before sitting down on the side of the bed. He looked at Bono’s back, shifting steadily with each breath he took, and he swung his legs over onto the bed and rolled close; closer until he could feel the warmth radiating from Bono’s body. Edge raised his hand and let it linger in the air, unsure of whether he should drop it down and grasp or pull back and let him be, and he heard the chuckle come from deep within Bono’s chest and made his choice. He used his fingertips to stir up the hairs of Bono’s arm, and he smiled when Bono let out that same throaty laugh. “I thought you were asleep.”

“I am sleeping,” Bono insisted, like a child might. His voice was hoarse though, and he cleared his throat noisily and tilted his head back until his hair almost brushed against Edge’s nose.

“Alright?”

“Mmm.”

Edge shifted back and fumbled behind him until his hand bumped against the glass. He thought better of it and pulled himself up high against the pillows, and he gripped the glass firm and tapped Bono on the shoulder. “Here.”

He waited for Bono to roll over and he caught the lazy smile on his face and had to smile back. “Oh,” Bono said. “I like this.”

“Don’t get used to it,” Edge said as Bono pulled himself up, and it looked like it took more effort than it deserved. He waited until Bono was settled before handing the glass over, and he watched Bono’s throat work as he swallowed, watched the glass come away and Bono’s hand come up, and he watched him wipe at his mouth before the glass was held out. Edge took it and set it back on the table, and when he turned back Bono had rested his head against the headboard and was looking at Edge with eyes still puffy from sleep.

“I could get used to it,” he said quietly. “You look tired, Edge.”

“I’m alright,” Edge responded automatically. He saw Bono’s mouth twist and he rethought his response completely. “I am a little tired, I suppose.”

“Hmm. And why would that be?”

Edge shrugged. “Some wanker kept me up half the night.”

“Wanker?” Bono’s lower lip jutted out slightly as he thought it over, and he raised an eyebrow at Edge. “I’ve been called worse.”

“You should hear what they say about you when you’re not in the room,” Edge muttered. Bono’s mouth fell open in feigned shock, and then he was laughing, long and quiet until his cheeks started to turn. Edge watched him with a smile, waiting patiently for it to end. He felt his chest surge, and he didn’t want to leave the room. He barely wanted to leave the bed. He watched Bono rub at his eye and then his mouth, and when he turned his head back to look at Edge the smile was gone. He ran his tongue between his teeth quickly and let out a small sigh, and he reached out and tapped Edge on the back of his hand.

“I was having a dream,” he said. “I was standing on a bridge looking down at the Liffey.”

“Were you now?” Edge said, and he had to grin. It was odd really, odd that Bono might dream of something so mundane, odd that they might both think to dream of water. There had been a time when Aislinn had spent half a week reading books about dreams and their meanings, and Edge could still see her eyes widen as she’d explained about falling, about flying, about death, and she’d been so passionate about it up until the moment she’d moved on to something else. He couldn’t remember her ever bringing up water though, but then he might have stopped listening. “And then what happened?”

Bono shrugged. “I was just standing there, watching the water.” He licked his lips and looked to the sheet, and Edge waited for him to continue and thought about saying something himself, and then Bono was glancing back up at him with a slow smile. “Riverrun, past Eve and Adam’s,” he drawled, and Edge chuckled at his put-upon Irish brogue, and he shook his head when recognition rolled over him. “Joyce.”

“Yes, Bono.”

“How does it go after that?”

“I don’t remember.” Edge didn’t have the heart to tell Bono how he’d hated the book, how he’d only managed the first two chapters before setting it aside with the promise to himself that he might try again another time. He’d only made it a half a chapter in on the second go around. The book was still in the house somewhere, probably dusty at the bottom of his cupboard, and he knew telling Bono would be a bad idea. He looked back at Bono and found him frowning in a way that Edge was sure wasn’t just because of the book. “What is it?”

Bono smiled faintly. “Nothing.”

Edge knew better than that, but he didn’t want to push at it, not yet. He reached for the glass of juice and drank it slowly, watching the back of Bono’s head as he looked out the window, and the birds were quieter now and Edge was glad for it. Bono’s hair was matted at the back, so similar to how it had been only a day before, and it left Edge feeling a bit twisted inside. He set the glass back down on the table, harder than he’d meant to and Bono turned back to him, looking slightly startled. “Sorry,” Edge said, and Bono smirked and looked down at the space between them. He rubbed the sheet between his fingers, his smile fading away slowly and Edge wondered when they were going to talk about it. He wanted to push it aside and keep it for a few more hours at least, and he thought of Ali, thought of the girls and tried to drive it all away and felt selfish for it.

“Are you hungry?” Bono asked.

“I suppose,” Edge said. He wasn’t really, but he was almost certain he could drown himself in some caffeine. “Do you want some breakfast?”

“Of course,” Bono said, and he looked so rumpled and lined that Edge couldn’t help himself. He brushed his fingers against Bono’s cheek, waiting and hoping, and when Bono’s eyes shut he pressed his palm flat against prickly skin and leaned in.

Bono tasted of juice and sleep, and it felt so familiar already that Edge almost couldn’t bear it. He wanted to press in, to push Bono back against the bed and deepen the kiss until they couldn’t think straight, and he felt Bono’s fingers grasp at his wrist and heard him moan, and he kept it gentle until he had to force himself to pull away. He felt jittery and maybe caffeine wasn’t such a good idea, and he watched as Bono licked his lips and kept his eyes downcast. It wasn’t what Edge had hoped but more of what he expected, and he was taken aback when Bono leaned in close again. He pressed his lips against Edge’s neck, against where Edge’s pulse was thumping away, and he kissed his collarbone, kissed his chest and then started sliding down against the pillows. Edge couldn’t bring himself to move, and he felt Bono’s arm come around his stomach, felt his head rest against Edge’s chest, and he felt the warmth of Bono’s breath as it rushed out against his skin. It wasn’t breakfast, but Edge felt like he had only himself to blame. “Bono?”

“No,” Bono said simply, and it was the most pleasant shut up that Edge had ever heard. It lasted only a minute or so before Bono was pulling away, pulling himself out from under the covers and giving Edge a look that could have meant a great number of things. He watched Bono pad around the room, taking in the clothes strewn and bypassing them completely. He pulled down Edge’s bathrobe from the back of the door and shrugged it on, and Edge wasn’t the least bit surprised. “Are you coming?” His tone was playful, but Bono didn’t look up from the belt he was knotting.

Edge threw back the covers and thought for half a second about heading towards his wardrobe, but it felt like too much effort. He put on a fresh pair of underwear though before pulling on yesterday’s jeans and searching for his shirt. He came up empty and reached for Bono’s shirt instead, turning it the right way in before pulling it over his head. It was a bit loose on him, though he’d never tell Bono that. He could smell Bono on it, smell Bono on himself and he rubbed the hem between his fingers and fought the urge to go and fall back under the covers.  When he glanced up, Bono was leaning back against the door with a slight smile on his face. He looked Edge up and down before raising an eyebrow. “That’s a good look for you,” he said.

There wasn’t much food in the refrigerator, and Edge supposed he should have felt glad for it. They only had a couple more days until they had to leave for Paris, and he always hated the idea of so much waste. He had wanted to whip up something nice though, something that felt like an effort, but he was left with one egg and some cheese that had been pushed to the back and forgotten about behind a few bottles of beer. He didn’t trust it and couldn’t remember when it had come into the house, and he listened to Bono filling the kettle behind him as he stared into the fridge and tried to formulate something out of nothing. They had milk though, and plenty of it, and Edge supposed it would have to do. “Is cereal okay?” he asked.

“You spoil me so, The Edge.”

Edge smirked. He was tempted to give Bono the finger, but he passed him the milk instead and it was worth it for the baffled look on his face. “For the tea.”

“You trust me with your tea again?” Bono set the milk on the counter and gave Edge a look. “I’ve drawn a blank on your milk to tea ratio, Edge.”

“You’ll figure it out.” Edge had complete confidence that Bono would get it wrong, but he didn’t tell Bono that. He headed towards the pantry and pulled open the door, and he listened to the kettle hissing and Bono opening the cupboard, and he scanned the boxes of cereals before landing on the cornflakes. He looked back and found Bono's gaze on the telephone, and Edge knew he was just waiting for it to start ringing, and he looked away quickly and pulled down the box. 

They sat at the dining room table and Edge sat back in his chair and took a sip of his tea. It was almost right, and Edge took another sip before setting it back down. He watched Bono drag his spoon through his cornflakes absently, his eyes fixed on the tablecloth, and Edge found that he really had no idea what to say. “Not hungry anymore?” he asked after a moment’s thought, and Bono blinked up at him.

“What?”

Edge shrugged, and turned his attention to his own bowl. He’d left it too long and it was starting to look like mush, but Edge dug his spoon in anyway and started eating. It still tasted fine, and he went for another spoonful and felt Bono’s eyes on him, and Edge felt the urge to drop it all and just say it. He swallowed hard and reached for his tea, and he heard footsteps down the hallway. He caught Bono’s gaze and smiled, and when Bono didn’t return it Edge turned towards the door and mentally prepared himself for the interrogation.

“Morning,” Adam muttered as he walked past, lifting his hand in a short wave before disappearing into the kitchen, and Edge stared at the kitchen door for a few seconds before turning back to his cereal.

Bono sat back in his chair and reached for his mug, and he shrugged. “At least he remembered to hide his shame today.”

“Shame?” Edge questioned, and he listened to Adam bang around in the kitchen for a moment before lifting a steady eye back to Bono. “I seem to recall you calling it a horse dick the other day.”

Bono pressed his lips together and shook his head, and then he gave in and started to laugh. He kicked Edge under the table and tried for a glare. “You weren’t supposed to remember that.”

“How could I forget?” he asked, and Bono just smiled. Edge felt his foot come back up under the table, gentler this time. It dragged slowly up his calf, and Edge caught the look in Bono’s eye and heard the footsteps coming closer, and he looked up as Adam re-entered the room with a mug in his hand. Bono’s foot dropped away and when Edge looked back at him, he found Bono digging into his cornflakes. Edge wasn’t quite sure what to make of it, so he watched Adam pull out the chair to his right and sit down, and he smiled at him when Adam looked over. Adam gave him a wry grin before taking a sip out of his mug, and he’d gone for coffee instead of tea. He looked tired, as tired as Edge felt and maybe even more so, and Edge watched as he went for another sip before turning back to his breakfast. He waited for Adam to question it, for Adam to start probing for details or worrying or wondering, but Adam stayed quiet as he took in the wallpaper. Edge looked at Bono , he felt like he had to, but Bono just threw up a hand uselessly before reaching for his mug, and Edge supposed that was that. He picked up his spoon and trailed it through the mess in his bowl, and he heard Adam sigh to his right and he set it straight back down again.

“You know,” Adam said slowly. “I was thinking last night that when this leg is done I might start looking into investing in a new home.” It wasn’t at all what Edge had thought Adam was going to say, and before he could think about it too much, Adam turned to face him. “You’re still welcome, Edge, I just think it’s time for a change.”

Edge hadn’t even started thinking about his own living arrangements, but he smiled at Adam anyway and nodded.  Adam had been in the same house for a long time, and Edge felt like he’d grown too big for it at least two years ago. It had been nice though, as nice as it could have felt, coming from his own huge house to something smaller, though it was still bigger than anything Edge might have been able to imagine when he was a teen.

“This house is a bit modest for a man of your stature, Adam,” Edge said, and Adam smirked back at him.

“It’s not really the size of the house that I’m worried about, I just think I need something more spaced out. And with thicker walls, you know, to cancel the noise out a bit more and all.” He lifted his mug to his mouth and took a sip, and Edge realized exactly where Adam was going and he looked at Bono and found him staring back. “This all occurred to me last night,” Adam said smoothly, and set his mug down onto the table. Edge was torn between laughing and getting up and leaving the room entirely, and he watched Bono lean forward in his seat and give Adam a placating smile.

“Adam-”

“I was surprised really,” Adam cut in. “I thought that Bono would have been the loud one, but Edge, you completely outdid yourself.”

“Jesus Christ,” Edge said, and he brought his hands up to his face. He could hear himself in his head, flat on his back and overcome, and he was sure he was turning red.

“Just filthy,” Adam said, and he sounded so proud of himself that Edge just had to laugh. He shook his head and rubbed at his face, and he looked up quickly when he heard Bono’s chair drag back against the hardwood floor. Bono took his mug with him and left his bowl behind, and he didn’t look at either of them as he left the room. Adam looked like he wanted to call after him, to maybe even get up and follow him out, and glanced from the door to Edge’s face, looking completely conflicted and a little bit lost. Edge felt for him, really, but he also found himself wanting to reach out and shake Adam, just a little. “I didn’t-”

“It’s alright,” Edge said, and Adam didn’t look convinced. Edge didn’t blame him. He heard footsteps in the other room, and when the front door slammed shut Edge told himself to wait for the sound of an engine starting. When it didn’t come he reached for his mug and downed his tea in one go.

He found Bono sitting on the stoop with a cigarette between his fingers and his cup of tea by his side, and it was exactly where and how Edge had thought he was going to be. It was cold outside, so much colder than it had looked through the window, and Edge found himself wishing he’d considered socks.  He watched Bono’s hand shift from his mouth and the stream of smoke that followed, and the longer he stood there the more he started to feel foolish for thinking that Bono might turn and look to him. He watched the sleeve of his robe shift down Bono’s arm when he went for another drag, and he caught himself focusing on the skin of Bono’s wrist and the seconds stretched on and Edge was at a complete loss of what to say. There was plenty to talk about, plenty to discuss, to mull over, but he just didn’t know and Edge considered for a brief moment turning and walking back into the house where it was warm. He even glanced back towards the door, but the idea completely slipped away when Bono looked at him from over his shoulder. “If you stand there any longer, the birds are going to mistake you for a tree,” he said, and took another drag of his cigarette. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back, and the smoke left his lips in a practiced move. “Messy business, that.” Bono gave Edge a wry grin before stubbing his cigarette out on the stoop, and Edge was certain that he wasn’t just referring to the birds.

“I know.” Edge brushed away an errant leaf with his big toe before sitting down on the stoop, and he could feel the cold of the wood through the seat of his jeans and under his feet, and he looked to Bono and doubted he was warm enough. Bono leaned his head against the railing, and Edge knew the look on his face, knew that he was waiting for Edge to start so he could finish. He twisted his mouth when Edge stayed silent and it left Edge feeling like a bit of an arse, but there was only one thing he really could think to say, and he knew it wasn’t what Bono needed to hear. Maybe later, possibly earlier, but in the now Edge was sure it was a bad idea entirely. He shrugged because he couldn’t do much else, and Bono smiled at him and held out a hand.

It surprised Edge somewhat, but he reached out his hand anyway, and Bono’s fingers were cold against his own. “You’ll get sick, sitting out here in the cold,” Edge blurted out, and it came out in the same tone his mother might have taken once. He shook his head and waited for the response he was sure was coming but Bono just blinked at him before smiling tightly. He squeezed Edge’s hand before slipping away, and Edge rubbed his fingertips against his own palm and watched Bono pick up his mug of tea, and Edge shifted closer until their knees were knocking and he felt better for it. He saw Bono take a sip from out the corner of his eye, saw how he swallowed and how he licked away the tea from his lips, and it set something off in Edge’s mind that he tried desperately to push away.

Bono set the mug down between his feet and they both watched his toes as they moved and wriggled against the wood, searching for some warmth, and then Bono sighed. “I’m heartsick,” he said quietly, and the look he gave Edge was one that Edge had been sure he’d lost at least ten years prior, maybe more. He remembered having to step up those few times when Bono just couldn’t, and he recognized the lurch in his chest like no time had passed at all. It was as disheartening as it had ever been, and Edge knew he was partly responsible. “Edge.”

“I know,” Edge said, though he knew that he really could only understand so much. He wanted so badly for Bono to call him out on it, wanted Bono to just get mad and yell, anything to get that look off of his face, and he wanted Bono to say it back. When it didn’t come Edge had to look up and away. There were clouds above them now, and in the distance they were looking dark.  Edge knew he shouldn’t have expected the sun to last. “Do you think it might rain?”

“Rain? Here?” Bono huffed out a laugh. “Surely you must be dreaming, Edge.”

Edge chuckled, and when he looked over he found Bono smiling back at him. It eased his mind, almost rid him of the feeling in his chest, and he felt the urge to reach out a hand and he stopped himself just in time. He licked his lips and leaned in anyway, but Bono held up a hand to stop him, and Edge wondered if he’d known Edge was only going to continue on about the rain. It felt stupid though, and Edge leaned back and watched Bono look down at his mug and stick his hand in his pocket. He frowned as he fiddled with the contents of his pocket, a packet of smokes and a lighter Edge was sure, and he sucked at his teeth and rubbed at his face, and his eyes were bright when he turned back to look at Edge. “I’ve got so many things I want to say to you. That I think I have to say, you know?” He smiled faintly. “But I don’t know, Edge.”

“What are they?”

Bono shook his head. “I feel like you already know them all.” He let out a low chuckle, and nudged Edge’s bare foot with his own. “I feel like you know all my little secrets, love.” Edge doubted it really, he was sure that a few had slipped on by, but he could tell by the look he was getting that Bono was a firm believer in every word he was saying, and that was more than enough for Edge. “I don’t actually remember when I started thinking differently about you.”

“Maybe you didn’t?” It slipped out of his mouth before he could think it through, and Edge wasn’t sure what he expected of it, but he’d been thinking the same of himself. If he thought back, really thought back about certain times and certain places, there was always Bono, even when he couldn’t remember anyone else. That told Edge more than enough.

The surprise slipped from Bono’s face quickly, and when he raised an eyebrow and looked down towards his feet Edge wanted to laugh because he could understand completely. “Maybe I didn’t,” Bono mused. “Maybe you really do know everything, Edge.”

“Not everything.”

“Just most things?” Bono shook his head and rubbed at his thighs, and he blinked harshly and turned to look at the railing. Edge knew, he knew and he lifted his hand, uncertain for a moment, before setting it down on Bono’s knee.

“If you say-”

“I don’t regret it.” Bono rubbed at his face and looked back at Edge with a weary smile. “I don’t, and it’s fucking eating away at me from the inside, but I can’t help it because I know it’s going to happen again and again.”

“It doesn’t-”

“Edge,” Bono said simply, and Edge nodded. He knew there was really no point arguing, because Bono was right more times than he was wrong. And he couldn't sit there and lie to Bono, because he knew he'd just take it back and end up telling him everything until he could see that look on his face again.

“Are you going to talk to her?”

Bono ran his hand through his hair and drew his lip between his teeth, and when he nodded it was such a small movement that Edge wondered if he’d just imagined it. It was all there though, in the slump of Bono’s shoulders and the way his fingers tightened around the robe’s belt, and Edge wondered what was going to happen, wondered where the talk would take them. If Ali already knew what was coming. He felt sick and he felt overwhelmed and guilty and so torn, and he couldn’t tell Bono about the elation that was trying to sneak its way back in, and he knew that he couldn’t laugh, not yet, though he wanted to. It was a terrible feeling to be left with, and he couldn’t even begin to imagine what Bono was thinking. He rubbed at Bono’s knee and watched his face change, watched the corner of his mouth twitch, and Bono’s fingers came down cold against his own. “Do you want to go back inside?” Edge asked.

“I do,” Bono said. “What a terrible idea it was, coming out here without any underwear.” He shifted in his seat and shook his head. “I might need some warm hands to help me out.”

Edge went to respond and thought better of it, and he just smiled and felt Bono’s fingers tighten against his before disappearing. He watched Bono get up and shook his head when Bono winced and stumbled a little up the step, and Edge picked up the abandoned mug before dragging himself to his feet. Bono pulled open the door and held it, and the look that appeared on his face when Edge passed him nearly caused Edge to turn around and push him against the door, but he could feel the warmth of the house and he could feel Adam’s eyes on him even before he looked over, and he kept on forward until he heard the door shut behind him. Adam raised an eyebrow at Edge before looking past him, and whatever he saw on Bono’s face was enough to smooth out the lines on his forehead. “I just boiled the kettle, if you fancied another.” He nodded at the mug in Edge’s hand before turning back towards the television. He didn’t unpause the game though, just sat there until Bono brushed past Edge to go and sit down on the couch next to Adam. “Alright?” Adam asked quietly.

“Are you still playing this?” Bono frowned at the screen, and Edge grinned at the look on Adam’s face. He came to sit down on the arm of the couch, and Bono glanced up at him as he set the mug down on the coffee table.

“It’s a wonderful time waster,” Edge explained, and Bono smiled and looked back at the screen.

“I could think of a few other ways to pass the time,” he said.

“Oh, so could I,” Adam said, and unpaused the game. He lasted all of twenty seconds before being killed by a plant, and he cursed under his breath and Edge found himself wondering why Adam kept playing when he was so clearly bad at it.

“Can I try?” Bono asked, and Adam smirked at him and handed over the controller.

“By all means.” He looked at Edge with a knowing grin, and Edge looked at Bono fumbling with the controller before glancing back at the screen, waiting for the disaster he knew was about to unfold. He held back his laugh when Bono was killed almost immediately, and Bono looked straight to him with his mouth hanging open like he couldn’t believe what had just happened. Adam started to laugh, and Bono looked accusingly at him before he smiled, a grin that started off slow and shook his shoulders as he began to chuckle. “Not so easy, is it?” Adam teased.

“Fuck off, Clayton,” Bono said. He bumped his shoulder against Adam’s before sitting forward in his seat. Edge took in the intense look of concentration on his face as Bono went for round two, and he thought about pulling the controller from his hands and dragging him behind closed doors, thought about the look that Ali might have about her and the way Jordan’s feet sounded against the floorboards. He felt it all in his chest and he hoped that it wouldn’t end like it might, because he wasn’t sure he’d be able to handle another crumbling marriage, wasn’t sure he’d be able to handle being the cause of it all again. He doubted Bono would even know how to function without her, and he was shook his head and he knew he was overthinking it, knew he should just stop worrying for a moment and he had to grin as he watched Mario light up and heard the music change. He saw the look on Bono’s face, the sense of achievement and joy he had over such a small accomplishment, and Edge pulled himself up from the arm of the couch and headed for the kitchen with Bono’s mug in hand. He set it in the sink and grabbed three clean mugs and set them by the kettle and went for coffee this time instead of tea, and he heard Adam and Bono laughing in the distance and it was enough for him. It was more than enough, and Edge gripped at the counter until he could draw in a proper breath, and he headed towards the fridge with a small smile on his face.


End file.
